After my targeted Radiotherapy not working my pain is horrendous. I have cancer in my left iliac bone and metastases all around causing swelling and my sciatic nerve to be crushed. I emailed Secretary on Monday and she got me an appointment with Consultant on Wednesday. He has increased my slow release morphine and added Pre-Gabalin and Dexamethazone so I have only had a day and a half of this new regime but as the pain is in my left buttock it is hell trying to get comfortable. I sit on cushions or a pillow, I try and turn onto my right side but nothing eases it. I manage to sleep because I take a big gulp of Oramorph and just lie there until sleep takes over. I wake up after about 4 hours and feel quite comfy, relaxed and pain free for a wonderful few minutes then I move and the pain is back and I have to get up. I go downstairs, try and ignore the pain then take some paracetamol (my 4th dose in 24 hours. I always save it for those early hours} and then go back to bed and usually manage a sleep/dozing few hours. I get up and just try and make myself focus on anything but the pain. I am now busy putting my life in order. Getting a will done, sorting insurance payment now as I had a terminal diagnosis. I honestly feel I am now close to the end and am worried how long this pain will last, can they sort it as Consultant has referred me to another Consultant to see if she can help. Jesus I wonder what I have done to deserve this. Cancer is absolutely the worst, all the money thrown at it and people are still suffering and dying.
Okay, got that off my chest but I just don't know who else I can say this to. Don't want to burden my family with anymore as they can see for themselves how bad I am.
Julie G
Hi
Well I was in the AAU yesterday and had an MRI scan which was tricky because lying flat caused pain. It took 2 attempts the last one after an oral dose of morphine and they managed to get enough footage I just pressed the buzzer with 10mins to go. Upshot is tumour in my left iliac bone has eaten it's way through lots (greedy bas****). Seeing a new Consultant to discuss another target Radiotherapy but as last one made me feel ill for a few days then didn't really work I might say no. He mentioned patches to control the pain. I asked how long do I have but he said to discuss with Consultant. I told him I could come to terms with dying but don't want it to be a painful one. I cried, he held my hand and said that's not what they want either. Anyway tears were shed last night
Only messaged kids as couldn't face speaking or seeing them because it would have been too much. Let them digest and emotions to calm down. Today I carry on getting ready for Christmas and trying to make the most of every day I have.. 
Jkg
