Finding out you have incurable cancer

Hi

So sorry you have come here, though you are very welcome.

Every one will support you the best they  can, we truly understand how you fill.

You are so young, and I cannot imange, at your age and a young family, we all approach an incurable diagnosis differently.

I have done chemo, radiotherapy, and immunotherapy, three years treatment,  never thought I would, but i did.

Even chemo effects every one in a different way, i was never sick, fatigue was the main culprit, and a few other   small things, compared to others.

Do you have support at home, hubby, partner, family, i learnt to lean on my grown up children, we all need help when going threw treatment.

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Do you know what chemo combo you are having, as some one else could have had that combo, they can let you, know how they got on with it.

Others will pop in an d welcome you, you are never alone here.

Rant ,scream, cry ,moan we have all done it.

Hi Vannessa, I am so pleased you decided to join the Group although no one really wants to join, they are usually glad they did. Good luck with your first treatment on Monday, I think the first is always the worst because we all fear the unknown but once that one is over, you will get yourself in a routine!

Please remember, even the 'experts' can't give you an exact date or time of how long we have and the treatment for all cancers is moving in leaps and bounds. I started a Trial Drug and told my family that if it gave me a bit longer to live then maybe something else would be around by the time I came off it! I went in to read your Profile Page but see you haven't filled anything in yet. You say you have 3 boys, how old are they? I assume because you are young, they will be too. As Ellie has asked, do you have a partner or someone to support you and your boys through this? I really hope you have.

Hey, I think that’s what I need people who understand, let’s be honest unless you live i don’t think many understand. My children are 17,16 & 9. I was a teen mum looking back I’m glad I had them young, they know I have cancer and have to treatment, my eldest are clever enough to know it can kill me.. My older boys only have me for a parent. I’ve raised them single handed, I have the best support network, I have some amazing family & friends but they don’t know what to say just look at me and cry! I can’t remember what combo he said, my brain just went numb at the incurable, just know I’ll be an inpatient for 4 days & have 3 weeks before my next round. I hope I’m as fortunate as you have minimal side effects! I’m cutting my butt length hair to donate to princesses trust which makes me feel better knowing I’ll make a little girl/boy smile with my hair.. thank you for you message of hope and support. 

Hey, thank you much appreciated, I’m dreading the first round, especially with the side affects but I’m ready to fight all I can. I’m under royal Marsten for care just have my treatment at local hospital, as of right now there is no drug trial for my cancer, how yout finding the trial hopefully works for you! Finger crossed…. I’m hoping they make a break through. I haven’t even thought of my profile just came on looking got support but I’ll do my profile now you said didn’t even think. My boys are older as I was teen mum so they are 17,16 & 9.. my older boys only have me, they always had an absent father in a way I’m glad they are grown. I have the best support network including a new boyfriend I met just before I was diagnosed, he has been brilliant, even been to all my appointment’s! My family & friends don’t know what to say they just cry but sometimes no words are needed. Just trying to live a normal life. 

Hi Vannessa

Can I add my welcome to the group? I know it's a group that no-one wants to join, but I hope you find it helpful and supportive.

No, your cancer doesn't have you.....that's a really good attitude to have! 

Many people in this forum have survived many years after being diagnosed as 'incurable'. Personally, it's over two years since I was diagnosed, and I'm still here, still living a 'normal' life. I'm sure you can do too. You must be a strong, resilient person to have brought up your boys single-handed....that must have taken courage and determination. You can draw on your strengths to get through this health issue too. You are blessed with a good support network of family and friends to help you.

Don't assume that you will get side effects from your treatment, as not everyone does. If you do, get in touch with your medical team straightaway, so you can get help to manage these. Don't wait until your next treatment day! 

Best wishes going forward Vannessa....you CAN do this!

xxx Kate

Welcome to the group . I have only joined recently and like you am struggling with thr shock of my diagnosis . I am older than you 69 but even though my family are older I can understand all the pain and worry you have . There are many on this group who share positive and helpful quotes and information. I am not very eloquent or original in my contribution but you will be in my thoughts as you start this journey. An elderly aunt has for many years used the Mantra.. one day at a time .. easily said but hard to do but I have remembered it most days . Best wishes Chris x 

Hi Vannessa Sorry you have found yourself here but you are among friends here . I started off in the head and neck forum for a year or two before progressing to the incurables earlier this year. You  have been through so much already. You  have the right attitude being positive really does help I find. I would recommend talking to a counsellor as it defo helped me along with this web site. All the Best Minmax    

Hello again Vanessa, I'm glad you moved over to our, now your forum, I hope it helps you as much as it has helped most of us. Regarding drug trials, I too was told there were none "suitable" for my particular type and variant, but doing a little research I found 2 maybe 3 trials my oncologist didn't know/tell me about, As others have said treatments and therapies are going through the biggest changes ever, and it's putting oncologists under pressure trying to keep up with all the new treatments.

Eddie xx

Hi Vanessa 

I have joined the group recently too. I am so sorry you had such a shock with the emergency operation, long stay at the hospital, and now this! I had a major operation the beginning of may and found out it came back on my first 3 monthly scan. It is devastating. I do find the emotional pain gradually eased over time. Be kind to yourself and try to take one day at a time.

Best of luck for the Monday x

Hi Vannessa, I am so pleased to read you have a good support network at home but really pleased you decided to come here too because, as you said, only people going through it, know how you feel! Your older boys will no doubt Google your diagnosis so please tell them the statistics on there are well out of date! What a lovely thing to do, donation your hair, good for you! Good luck with your first treatment and I am sure it will make a difference your boyfriend is supporting you all! Please stay in touch!