THE PEACEFULNESS OF DYING

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Dear all,

I've been given 4 to 11months of life. Stage 4 lung cancer along with a secondary malignant pleural effusion. Two months have already passed.

I'm 76yrs. Was married 50yrs to my soul mate Anne who was taken from me with pancreatic cancer two and a half years ago. I saw my sweetheart take her last breath after I'd said ' I love you.' My Anne then passed with a tiny rose bud smile on her lips.

Now - two and a half years on - it's my turn. And I welcome this impending release from a period of continuing grief, loneliness and a life with no purpose. So far its simply been a primeval game of survival. However I behave perfectly jolly along with gallows humour ( I'm a retired Met Police officer) in the company of our two children along with friends, acquaintances, doctors and nurses. This is not an act; I express my personality as its felt during those occasions. But the spiritual truth of me takes over when alone. I just want out of this world.

However now I'm happily withdrawing from the world. I no longer take telephone calls from well wishing friends. I've told everyone my prognosis and so I no longer want support, friendly chats, or offers of visits. I just want to be left alone, apart from our kids, in the company of my memories. Memories of my Anne who I talk to every day. And I'm totally contented with what's happening to me as my breathing gets harder whilst waiting for the pain to start , but that can be dealt with.

I could never have imagined how peaceful and contented the process of slowly dying could be. It's the happiest I've ever felt since losing my sweetheart Anne. For the record I have no religion. But I have evidence we all move on to another spiritual plane of existence when our physical bodies are unable to sustain a life force energy any further. I'll leave it at that.

So thats me folks. Please respond - if at all, - in anyway you feel.

Geoff x

ownedbystaffies over 2 years ago

Hi @Geoff999,

Your choice to withdraw from all but close family is yours to make, and I think, not unusual. Sounds like you have a stock of ggod memories to reflect on and that is sufficient for you. They say those who fear death most, are those who have not lived a full life - sounds like you have had a good one. As you say, pain can be dealt with and I hope you have a good palliative care team to make sure you are given what you need.

MrsBJH over 2 years ago

Hi @Geoff999. Memories are a good thing to hold on to at this time. I can tell all you want to do is be with your soul-mate Anne and have a peaceful end to a happy life before cancer struck.

I send you my best wishes and hugs, Barb xx

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Chromeplated over 2 years ago

I have been given 18 months to 2 years with an operation to try and help with my constant diarrhoea.
I think I have come to terms with the end but I am conscious of the fact that might change as my credit starts running low.
But we all have to go at some point.
Regards,

Chromeplated.

Pet1968 over 2 years ago

Reading that , makes me feel very warm and somehow happy. I know it sounds weird but it is true. I'm glad you feel this way!!! Hugs Pet

Geoff999 over 2 years ago in reply to Pet1968

Thank you everyone for your kind and understanding replies. Bless you all.

Geoff x

At the end of all our journeying will be to find ourselves back where we started knowing the place for the first time. TS ELIOT.

Remoh over 2 years ago

So pleased you are at peace with your situation you do what’s left of your time in whatever way you want too.

Richard

be safe, be nice, be you

AisB over 2 years ago

Hi Geoff,

So glad you have found peace in your situation.

Similar to you, I was told back in the autumn that I have less than 12 months to live. I think I have come to terms with that, partly as a result of some very helpful counselling, as I'm mostly able to talk about it in a fairly matter of fact of way without crying although I do sometimes get a bit tearful.

I'm not yet ready to.cut contact with my friends as I love them dearly and they are really helping me to stay positive and make the most of the time I have left. I want to enjoy my life while I still can maybe because I'm only 56, single, and haven't experienced the kind of devastating bereavement that you have. I do think that closer to the end I might prefer to be alone in the hospice surrounded only by caring nurses and other staff. I've always preferred to tackle difficult situations alone without the distraction of other people's emotions - a bit selfish, I know.

Wishing you all the best,

Sarah x

Rainieday over 2 years ago in reply to Geoff999

Dear Geoff, It was so lovely to read your thoughts. I know that in your sitaution I would feel exactly the same. I wish you a pain-free peaceful transition back to Anne, surrounded by those who love you. Arms around you. Rainie x

Zappaman over 2 years ago

Each to their own Geoff, but I don't think I could shut out life long friends just like that. I too enjoy the dark sense of humour but some of my closest friends have found it hard to accept that I won't be here for ever. They have started to share in the dark sense of humour, I think it is helping them come to terms with the situation. I wouldn't want to depart this earthly plane with any of my closest friends feeling that I shut them out because they must have said or done something. I also don't believe that leaving the physical existence is the end, it's a new beginning on a different level of existence. I am quite at peace with life and have discussed my philosophy with my wife and son and close friends. I wish you peace profound. Kind regards Frank.