6 months

I can understand what you feel like Frightenedmama . But you have got time for your team to work out what is next for you. There is that chemo option plus whatever else they come up with in the meantime. You are incurable like the rest of us with the added blow of inoperable but thats at the moment.

Don't pack up or give up. Working in a hospice is a good thing. Of course you have had to deal with upsetting matters but you do have a lot of your fellow workers to lean on who must be well versed in understanding what you are going through.

Nobody gets over the blow straight away, there is a lot to think about and plenty to deal with.

As my friend Rainie says, can you try to put it all in a box for the Christmas break and just try to have a tiny bit of fun with your daughter.

Here's hoping you get a bit of peace. Xx 

We have all experienced the fear and shock that you are now going through and just before Christmas it's all the harder as we each try and have a bit of family joy. We are all here because we were all handed the same news, but there are many here who have beaten their diagnoses and are well past their 'sell-by dates' [as we call it]. I know you're feeling numb and hopeless, but don't give up Frightenedmama because lots can happen to extend your life - new treatments come online all the time. Many here have been on drug trials and beaten those odds for years. The doctors can only give you best guesses and that's all they are - guesses. So take that deep breath, open the sherry and know that you have found friends here who will understand everything that's passing through your mind.  Just keep talking to your family, your partner and to us. You've already made the first steps.  Sending you love and a big hug.  Rainie x

It is such a shocking place to find yourself, this time last year I had just started palliative chemotherapy and was not really expecting to reach this Christmas, but I had a good response to chemotherapy and am currently stable. 

It helps me to look at what I  can control and to deal with those things, I already had a will and lasting powers of attorney set up, but I was the bill payer, so I've moved everything that I can to my husbands name, so there is no chance that a bill is missed if I am ill. 

It sounds as if your daughter may be quite young, mine are all adults, I have tried to be very open with them, I think they appreciate that, but they don't need to be overburdened with detail.

The other thing I have done that has been helpful is to plan nice stuff, nothing major, I found it really difficult at first, and covid is an extra complication, but it has been lovely to do nice things with my family and friends. 

Frightenedmama,

I'm so sorry to hear this! I have a 6 year old, and the thought of leaving him just about devastates me. 

But don't give up! Your daughter needs you, and needs the time you have left, if it turns out the docs are correct. It is really really good that you feel well. My docs told me to get out there and do some fun, active stuff while I still can. Any trips you've been thinking about? Go. Activities you've wanted to try? Do it. I also think about the memories I want my son to have for later. So I have tried to be purposeful in the time I spend with him. Of course laundry still has to be done and teeth brushed and homework completed. But we are also trying to squeeze in experiences while we can. We went camping a couple of times this fall, went on a trip to my hometown over the summer. This holiday season we spent a little money and time and went to a Polar Express evening and Cirque Joyeux show (don't know if you have those where you are). I don't know how old your daughter is, but it's important to think about your time with her. If you can; I know it's hard, the grief gets in the way.

You may also want to consider the things you *don't* want to do as much of. Like keeping such a clean house, or cooking amazing meals, or whatever you do that is not so important. If you have the resources, you can hire people to do some of it. We have a cleaner come every other week these days. And I decided I don't need to plant the flower boxes or week the beds in the front this year, I don't care that much.

And many here have told me, and it's true, that the strong feelings will ebb a little in time, so that you can function on a day to day basis. It is a shock, a horrible shock, but it calms down a little with time.

I hope you can find some joy this holiday season, even if through tears!

Patricia