On Monday I had a lung CT to check out my tumors, since I am feeling OK. The doc said it's still bad news - there is cancer there that we can't treat effectively, and it is still growing - has doubled in size over the last 4 months or so. But there is also good news - the growth has been much, much slower than he was expecting, based on how fast it grew the few months prior.
I'll take it! Of course I'd hoped it had stopped completely and I was Stable Mabel, and even better would have been if it had magically disappeared. But the upshot is that I have more time than we originally thought, and I'll take it! I think the doc back in June really thought I was going to go downhill fast, though he hedged his bet because he knows how hard it is to predict (he told me at the previous appt that I probably had "weeks, months, maybe a year"). Good for him, for knowing his limitations.
I saw my GP yesterday and she said I look much better than I had the month prior, which is awesome. We also paid some attention to the other, non-cancer related medical issues I have (like I have a hyperactive thyroid, she got labs for that). I think we weren't worrying about those issues so much before, because we thought death was fairly imminent.
And we agreed that it is not time for hospice yet. In June they had been encouraging it, I believe now because they thought I was going to go quickly. I guess in their experience people generally resist hospice because they feel like it's giving up. I've already faced reality - I will be dying sooner than I want and will do hospice when it's time - so that's not the issue for me. I don't know how hospice works for you guys, but in the US it's almost always in the home, and there are rules that go along with it - no life prolonging treatment is allowed, and the hospice medical team becomes your primary/only medical team. So if I started now I wouldn't be able to see my cancer medical team for scans, and I wouldn't be able to see my GP, whom I love. You know, before I came face to face with dying, hospice seemed like a beautiful idea. It made sense that you got a dedicated team of people specialized in helping your and your family through the dying process. But I have developed a strong relationship with my cancer medical team, especially my doctor, physician's assistant, and nurse. I have seen them regularly since 2016, they have seen my son grow from a baby to a little boy, they have met my family members when they came with me to appointments, they have done all they could to make sure I was as comfortable as I could be and had as long and good a life as possible. I trust them. I feel like they are family, and it is weird to think about not seeing them again. Like we've been on this journey together (very much overused analogy in cancer, but apt here), and as we get close to the end, they drop out. I do think it's a good thing to do hospice, but hadn't considered that aspect of it all.
Love to all...
PatriciaV
Thanks for the update. Every additional unexpected day is something precious and I hope you have many more special days to come.
