Newly diagnosed Stage 4.

Hi Julescariad

I am so sorry you are here and can totally relate to some of your feelings. Your reaction is normal for an abnormal situation. Be kind to yourself and allow yourself some time to come to terms with all these. 

I have bowel cancer, then recurrence twice in the pelvic area and lung mets.  I have 2 stomas now. I was told my condition is incurable with 18 months time frame in December 2024. I felt very low initially. However, after some counselling i have come to accept my diagnosis and feeling much better mentally. In fact the best psychologically since I was a teenager. It is because

1 I accepted I do not have control over the biology. Ultimately cancer is the king. We can try to treat it and control it but can’t really control the results. 

2 I CAN choose to react to any given situation. That is the ultimate power we all hold. I decided to live my life to the value I held most. It could be little things such as getting some flowers/ plants, or meeting up with friends etc. By doing those things it enriches my life and made me much more content and at peace.

3 Have no future is quite liberating, you don’t have the burden to worry about it and the worst already happened. I just enjoy everyday as it comes. 

On the practical notes

I have also lost my hair on chemo the week before Christmas ! However I discovered wigs. They are totally great and look so much better than my own hair. I have quite a few and really like them. Even my own hair is growing back now, I still wear my wigs. This is me in my lates wig

I also would consider 2nd opinions as stage 4 cancer treatment is a bit like Wild West. All sorts of treatments is possible. I can fully recommend Prof Jamie Murphy at Cleveland clinic London. He has successfully  operated on me this January when Cambridge said no. Now according to my oncologist, I shall have many more years instead a few months left. 

Take care x

Hi Julescariad 

I am sorry you are facing this whilst also grieving your friend. I can fully understand how your friend also being stage 4 makes your situation additionally challenging. The good news is that you have a relatively low cancer load at the moment and it sounds as if you were previously in good health. These things can make a difference to your path through this. Many of us on this forum have been stage 4 for some time and live relatively normal lives. There’s another thread on here entitled the long middle which I think captures well where many of us are. 

You ask if this passes, I assume you are asking about the anxiety you currently feel. I can only speak for myself - it did pass once I had had a bit of time to understand and accept my situation. It flares up again each time I have a scan, or if I experience an unexpected symptom. But mostly I think of myself as someone living well with cancer. Hopefully you will reach a point where you can do the same with the job, husband and dogs you adore.