Friendships

Hiya. Oh don't get upset about your friend saying that . I have a blue badge, and don't drive but have it for others to put in there car if need be when I go out with them.  have no mobility issues at the moment.  I also got a free bus pass due to the disability of having incurable cancer and I also got a railcard due to having the disability of cancer. I just think if im living with this disease then ill have what I can.x

I just want to be treated as normal and don’t want additional help or attention, which is silly, because sometimes I need it. 

Hello Coddfish

I can understand where you are coming from regarding 'labelling' yourself with a blue badge. I have mixed feelings about using mine.

I don't think of myself as disabled, yet I got a blue badge because of the adrenal insufficiency, and the cancer. I do use it and park in a disabled space when I go to the supermarket, but I feel guilty for doing so, as I'm not as obviously disabled as some people I see using these spaces. Sometimes people give me 'funny looks' when I get out of my car, so I just think 'none of your business' and walk away.

I don't use my badge often.

I don't feel 'disabled' by my cancer at all....and want to be treated as normal too!

But there is nothing wrong with needing extra help sometimes. It isn't a sign of weakness or failure.

I hope you haven't fallen out with your friend over this...it is a sign that your friend cares about your wellbeing, and was trying to help. It doesn't mean they think any less of you, or see you differently!

I hope you've made up! Good friends are hard to find!

XXX Kate

No, we haven’t fallen out and she is a good friend, just sometimes a bit inclined to ‘manage’ me. I don’t think I would be anywhere near to qualifying for a blue badge anyway, even if I wanted one. It’s the dissonance between how I see myself (someone who happens to have cancer but is trying to be as normal as possible) and someone with serious disability that got me.

How sad to read your experience :-(.  It's a really tricky one talking to people without cancer, I think, because they can never "get it"!  Then we're all different.  Some like to share and talk about it, others not, and well meaning comments can land the wrong way.  I don't think there is a win-win situation that's guaranteed to be effective all the time because folk are just folk and variable.  

You can never win either.  I sent a whatsapp health update to my SiLs with the ability to reply disabled and told them "info-only, no response" and why.   Then I felt a bit mean and a control freak afterwards!   

It's never easy navigating this space and always hard looking back.  

I think this particular friend thinks she knows what it’s like to have cancer because she has known and knows several people who have been affected. She’s only trying to help but it has the same effect on me as when dear husband tries to fix me rather than just showing empathy. He and I now have a code where I ask for the empathy hand rather than the practical hand when needs be.