Nothing specific

Hi you are not rambling don't apologise I live on my own and it's really hard sometimes so I know exactly how you feel hair falling out was a nightmare for me even though I pushed through the unbearable pain off the cold cap I didn't lose all off it mainly the top and having thin hair made it worse the thing is for me as well you can hide all the symptoms off cancer inside but when you start to lose your hair etc that's when you can't hide it any more as people notice I suffer with extreme anxiety so this also makes things ten times worse but you will get through this and you will have good days and bad days you are stronger than you think and sometimes I have to give myself a good talking to in the mirror and push through the day don't give up you fight it's really hard I know but you can do it huge hugs and love xxx

Hi. Thank you so much for your supportive and understanding reply. It has helped. I'm so sorry you are living with this too but as we don't get to choose, it's nice to have this reminder that I'm not alone. Loved the hugs. You're absolutely right, it's that feeling of, well it really is happening because it's visible now. I'm sorry about your anxiety too. I've been allowed to keep taking sertraline that I was on pre-diagnosis due to depression related to the breakdown of my marriage. I think this is probably helping me cope generally. If you haven't already, maybe see if there is anything to help with your anxiety. Lots of love and hugs xxxx

Nice to read your update.  Others have remarked on the "you look so well" comment under "inappropriate things people say" as it can be subject to interpretation.   I look well and normal too.  Sounds like you have great friends.  There's always someone here to chat, and it's nice to chat, too.  

Hi Gothistogether You are not alone . I have recently finished my 3 week by 6 sessions of carboplatin and some other drug . It's amazing how quick time passes and another treatment is over . Regardless of what happens and how you feel , You have to pick yourself up and carry on. I had a similar situation with people commenting on how well I looked even though I had never been so ill . I have also split with my partner of over 30 years which seems to be the norm and being alone certainly didn't help . I am fortunate to live with my daughter who advised me to get counselling which I can safely say helped me no end . It still doesn't help with being told you have numerous cancer sites etc. I can imagine how difficult it is losing ones hair especially being a woman. Life has just been thrown upside down I feel and it's how I deal with the next stage that concerns me. I really want to enjoy the time I have left before I get ill if possible All the Best   Minmax

Hi Gotthistogether 

Well done for posting and keeping us up to date. Chemo is hard going so you look after yourself. I never know how to respond to the ' you look well' comments. I know people mean well. I just find it washes over me. I understand the good and bad days as well. You keep keeping on and I hope you get good results from your treatment.

A x

I feel for you. It must be so hard going this alone. Hair falling out is horrible. Even going to the loo with no hair downstairs was a weird thing. People tell me I am strong and brave and I look well. I feel like a weak kitten with scabby fur. I feel like I let people down when I am not strong but inside the anxiety eats me. Run with that chemo, eat well when you can, drink sooooo much water you nearly float away and flush the toxins out. I hope the next round goes well for you. Sending hugs to help you through this horrible journey. S

I am another one coping with cancer alone after my abusive husband left me in Feb

The stress he put me under for 6 years I feel sure was a contributing factor to my cancer diagnosis.

Mine is also trying to make me homeless and  penniless 

Hi All it seems to be a common factor getting cancer and your partner leaving you . I had just got my first scan results and my partner announced she didn't want to be with me after 30 years and two wonderful kids. I went to counselling which really helped along with walking. I suppose I could be the victim but if I can get over cancer on my own I can get over a relationship is my way of thinking . It certainly has made me a stronger person that's for sure. Being positive helps I find and I always like to see the good side of things and to be grateful for everything I have in life and consider myself blessed. I can safely say the cancer has certainly turned my world upside down and not in a bad way bar the dying bit lol . It has brought me closer to my kids which is great . All the Best minmax

Hi. This is for everyone who responded to my initial 'nothing specific' post really. Thank you all so much for your responses. I'm so sorry to hear of do many who have been left to deal with it alone by their partner. I had started divorce proceedings pre-diagnosis and the second mortgage I'm getting to buy him out of the house now feels really scary with such an uncertain future. My thinking is to get on and live and deal with each hurdle one at a time. 

In an update, I'm in the middle of my second cycle. This one has hit quicker and harder with side effects I didn't have in cycle 1. I can't eat at all at the moment because literally everything I try tastes absolutely vile and makes my nausea worse. But I feel hungry. Even water isn't pleasant. Sorry to moan but I know you'll understand and it's hard to explain to friends. I'm generally positive but occasionally I give in to a cry and feeling a bit scared. I'm 48 and had so much I wanted to do post divorce that now feels a bit out of reach. 

Today I start an injection to stop my oestrogen feeding the cancer so I'll have some additional side effects related to menopause to enjoy too!!

It's tough this isn't it. I hope everyone is doing as well as possible. Thinking of you all. Love and hugs xxxx

I'm so sorry to hear this. How awful. I too can't help but think that the years preceding this one contributed to my cancer. I was so stressed and suffered from depression for months which has lifted but I remain on medication for it. Sending you love and strength xxx