Family Visits

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Easter is of course a time when many of us are visited by, or visit family. I have two adult children, both married, neither living locally. They are descending on us later today and staying overnight, complete (in one case) with dog. I love cooking, so my job is to prepare a feast. I love my family and want to see them. However I haven’t really fully recovered from my most recent operation, I tire easily, I can’t go on the long walks they expect, and they don’t seem to fully ‘get’ all of this because on the surface I seem well. I suspect this forum is the only place where my mixed feelings on this will be understood. Happy Easter everyone. 

  • Morning

    You can be you here.

    There used to be six of us at one time living here, now i am on my own, love my kids and grandad kids.

    They all want to come and see me, on the same day, even them all talking, wears me out, normally i talk to myself and keep when i have to lol.

    I think because we look well, they are inclined to forget, how we might fill, and what we have been threw.

    Think mine at times, mine  think mum is getting old, well i am. though mum has been threw a lot.

    I have always been independent

    , and when they used to ask how are you, my reply yep fine.

    Though when i fill crap, i do say i cannot do it anymore.

    Do the cooking, and say done my bit, down to you now to clear up, i need five minuets.

    I now say when i have   been on my feet for a while, i have to sit down,

    Enjoy your family, and take five when you have to, some times our family do not like to think, we are not 100per cent.

  • Hello Coddfish and Happy Easter to you and your family. I too love cooking for family though as it grows my small terrace isn't big enough so tend to invite the whole family on days we can eat in the garden, and smaller family groups at other times, like you i can still do most of the day to day things but struggle walking for more than 20 minutes most day, I think the emotional  boost you get from family visiting is so important but also very tiring physically, your physical health must come first, your recovery from surgery is so important and you don't want to risk that by doing too much too soon. take care.

    Eddie

  • Hi Codfish,

    I find I have to be a bit blunt these days.

    If family want to come round I more or less tell them they have to be gone at such and such a time. Its the only way.

    If they love you they'll understand.

    I agree that because we put on a front and sometimes look well, they don't realise how easily exhausted we can get.

    Take care x

  • I get it.  I think you're very brave to host them and you're the chef.  Perhaps during the visit they will gain a bit more insight and understanding into your world..  Don't be slow to delegate jobs to them!  

  • Hi  

    I hope you've had a nice Easter and I understand where you're coming from totally. I read a book on cancer and the author described herself as 'gravely ill but weirdly well'. I think it sums up our situations very well.

    I also like to cook and bake but sometimes these jobs lead on to other ones, like cleaning ovens and mopping floors etc. I used to host family at Christmas but have had to retire from that as I find people and conversation alone very tiring, never mind the catering bit. I think  has a good strategy with time limits and I think I need to start doing that. 

    A x

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  • Thinking of you - hope it went well (no need to reply)!

  • Hi Sistermoon, Like you, I used to love having everyone for a meal, especially at Christmas, Although my family is not big, our son & daughter both married and we have 3 g/children, so now there are 9 of us altogether and my 2 sisters were always included because their families live too far away, also widowed aunt. My aunt died the year before my dx. Even with eleven people I struggled and in days gone by I used to have meals for 15 plus.

    I decided I didn't want Christmas to be sad, once I die, because it was tradition for everyone to come here. So when I reached my 2nd Christmas, I suggested everyone have Xmas dinner at home and pop in later! That lasted a couple of years but it still took me days to get over it because I was so tired and still tried to bake for them coming.

    It was my husband & son who said, enough is enough, we will have to find a new tradition this is too much for you! We have managed to do that now but it has taken time!

    I admire Harebell for saying she is blunt but even when I feel exhausted, I couldn't say, even after all this time! I still tend to say automatically "I'm fine"!

    Love Annette x

    Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift!!!
  • I survived. Good Easter meal (and wine) enjoyed by all. My adult children and their other halves have learned not to regress to teenagers, so do clear up their mugs, glasses, disturbed cushions etc. and we do have cleaners who will change the beds they used, clean their bathrooms etc. hope everyone had a good Easter.