Pessimistic and no faith!

Hi Marie,  I thought everyone was certain your gemcitabine treatment shrunk your tumour, I hope the one cycle is effective, I can't understand why only one treatment.

I'm glad you told your oncologist about the poor treatment you received regarding your PICC line, I am certain she will have words with her, and know she knows your not going to put up with her inefficiencies, thighs should improve 

Thank you Marie,  I will give Mandy a big hug from you too, Marie, we saw Mandys surgeon and oncologist this morning, they're both delighted with how things are going, and really pleased with the operation, being confident all the cancer has been removed with clear margins, and any left behind will be taken care of by chemotherapy, and as she's mobilised well, can go home, where she has been for 6 hours.

No Marie,  brother has no idea, as you say he's strange and an idiot, he did ask me a couple of months ago if I have a problem with my immune system.

That's wonderful Marie,  have the trees still got some autumn colours, its a lovely place to just get away from things, and it's good to hear your appetites back and the steroids are doing what there supposed to, what a difference yippee.

Mandys all settled back at home,  she's got all her meds, dressings and aids, my youngest daughter is stopping with her tonight and I will be off home soon, after I've picked up Poppy, and straight to bed.  Will pop in and see Mandy early tomorrow, but I think she's had enough of mum and dad fussing over her, not sure what I'm doing tomorrow, I do have a massage and may see my cancer friends. It's been lovely spending time with Lesley, I think it's been so important to both of us in getting through Mandys treatment, none of our kids have been really poorly, let alone the chance of losing one, being with Lesley  at this time has helped everyone. In a few weeks, if Mandys doing well, we, Lesley, Mandy, her boys and I are going to have a holiday. Have a fab time my friend, is it a family holiday or just you and Dave, 

love Eddie xx 

Good morning. No, they're not certain it was the gemcitabine. They're not sure if it's the radiotherapy seen as though I had it just before. Or both. She didn't say I would be having one dose the topic just wasn't discussed. There is another chemo I haven't yet had and she did say there was still that to try. 

That's ace news about Mandy. I'm so very pleased for you all. Please pass on my best wishes and tell her from me what a truly amazing job she has done. I hope she is home now recuperating and long may it last. I'm glad you have been with Lesley and had each other through this. What beautiful humans you both are and how good is it Mandy has you both. The holiday is a fab idea. That will be ace and where will you go?

Well, I'm up early as going home today. I have to say I'm not ready for home yet. I've had the most wonderful time. Appetite still good energy and motivation up. A little pain but nothing to shout about. And yes the autumn colours are all there. It's beautiful. Love the place and beautiful cottage, thoroughly enjoyed it. I have picc line dressing tomorrow and chemo starts Monday. Back to the grind. Think that's why I don't want to go back. Boohoo!!!!

Anyway enough of that. How are you and what news have you? Xx

Hi Marie, I'm sorry , don't know why I thought your last chemo was responsible for your tumour shrinking. Let's hope it played a part and does so again, I will be praying for you 

Thank you Marie, for your good wishes, I passed them on earlier, she sends her thanks and support to help you through your treatment, Mandys been home since Monday, still on light duties, there's always someone there for her at least until she gets her sutures out and see's her team on the 20th, the holiday would be nice, it will depend on Mandys chemo and maybe mine, fingers crossed 

Home day today, Boooo,  don't holidays just whizz past, but it's great you enjoyed it, and as you say, it's a wonderful place especially at autumn, and  lots of yummy food, I'm so happy you have a good appetite and found some motivation. Good luck with your PICC line tomorrow and chemotherapy on Monday.

I've not done much, making sure Mandys ok, saw my friends on Tuesday, bought some presents, tried to find a Christmas card for a blind friend, no luck, so joined a craft group and made my own, rearranged some appointments, one was cancelled by urology when my oncology appointment was moved there, and instead of checking assumed my oncologist appointment was a urologist one, idiots, seen my SALT specialist and Gastro consultant, about my Dysphagia, and my neurologist wants me to have an aspiration, I don't think so.

I may go to Bakewell tomorrow for the Christmas market, if I can find someone who wants to go with me, PS, which card would you choose 

love Eddie xx 

Good morning. Don't apologise I don't know what I'm doing either lol Thank you Eddie for your well wishes, means a lot. 

Good to hear Mandy is in recovery and doing so well. I really hope you make this holiday. It will do you all the world of good. Keeping everything crossed for you. 

Yes, home now. Was good to get in my comfy bed. Seems to be much colder here. Got my picc line done and bloods. That all went smoothly so glad of that. Went shopping at Sainsbury's and home to chill. I hope all your appointments went well. You seem so busy, hope you're okay. We went to Bakewell last year and I will be honest it stressed me. It was so so busy. I have seen a couple of activities in the peaks that do take my fancy mind so hope to visit at some point. I was also looking at a website, miles not stiles. Wheelchair disability friendly walking routes in the peaks. I'll try some of those too. I hope if you went to Bakewell it didn't stress you so. 

I absolutely love your cards, awesome. How fab joining a craft group, fabulous idea. I love the second card best, I really like the ribbon. What talent you have. I hope your blind friend loves it. 

Today popping to m & s to collect a parcel and some groceries. I've ordered a lovely warm bedspread to keep me warm. How about you? How are you and what plans?

Hi Marie,  I will always wish the best for you my friend, I read your post earlier, and another friend echoed what you said about Bakewell Christmas market, being crowded  and we didn't go, the freezing weather may have played a part too.

Mandy is doing great, we went for a short walk today, only 10 mins, which she managed ok, as M looks likely to start chemo in a few weeks, we are making lots of meals for the freezer for her, and maybe a cheesecake as well.

Your own bed is a big plus when going back home, and your own pillows and duvet, lovely, great that you PICC and bloods went well, looks like you word with the oncologist worked,  and been out shopping, just a dog walk for me, though will certainly be chilling later 

My appointments were with my SALT specialist and Gastro, I'm on a level 5 diet, due to my dysphagia, but only when swallowing is difficult.

I hope you get to the activities you like, and miles not styles sounds good too.

I was quite pleased with the cards, not bad for the first time at the group, only guy as usual, I'm beginning to think I'm weird LOL, enjoy M+S and your bedspread, I have an easy week, counselling and PSA test Monday, then just a couple of therapy sessions and off to Scotland late Thursday or more likely early Friday, but only till Monday, M and I see oncologists Tuesday, enjoy your chilling, keep warm and my very best wishes for tomorrow's chemotherapy, I  will have everything crossed for you my friend.

love Eddie xx 

Good morning. Thank you Eddie and yes I certainly don't blame you for Bakewell. Packed and can't move ughhh! It is cold, we have gotten up to a blanket of snow. Beautiful. I do love it I have to say. I shall be home pottering around the house today. I have been knitting a scarf and listening to Agatha Christie audiobook lol I'm quite content. Keep warm!

That's awesome Mandy having a walk. She's an absolute trooper, what strength she has. She takes after a certain someone huh lol That's a great idea re the meal preps. That will really come in handy, she will really appreciate that. I'm so pleased she is doing well.

Chemo went well for me yesterday. Although when they did it shortly after I had a hot sweat and tummy cramp. That coupled with catastrophising thoughts about getting that lung infection back triggered an anxiety attack. But it did pass and apart from not sleeping well last night I feel perfectly fine today. 

I love my new bedspread. So warm and cosy. It was expensive but I don't care it was so worth it and makes me happy. Your cards are fabulous. And you're certainly not weird. Well, maybe just a little lol Hell who isn't lol Keep on keeping on that's what I say. If it makes you happy do it where you can. I hope your appointments all went well. And I really hope both yours and Mandy's oncologist appointments go well. I hope you get that chemo Eddie. I have everything crossed for you both. 

How are YOU feeling? Take care and enjoy your day X

Hi Marie, so happy your chemotherapy has gone ok, but so awful for you that you had those horrible  thoughts, followed by an anxiety attack,  I'm sorry you didn't sleep well either, and can imagine that brought on some unwanted thoughts as well, but it's good to hear your feeling better today, and why not treat yoursel to a fab bedspread, if it's cheered you up, it's worth every penny.

The snow is lovely though the window, not so much if your out in it, Marie, I used to knit in my younger days and you'll never guess what?, bedspreads, I could only knit 12inch square pieces, my teacher "my nan", blamed it on me being a lefty, I  blame the teacher, but I did enjoy it, special times, who's the scarf for, anybody I know. 

It was good for Mandy to get out, though not today, to risky, we're thinking of going to Haddon Hall for the Christmas market tomorrow, its indoors, so we'll see. Appointments today are nothing serious, did take Poppy to the vet, I've changed to a local one, now Poppy has never been to this place, but as soon as she got out of the car she knew, bless her 

Your wrong Marie, I am weird, but I like it, thank you for your good wishes for our consultations next week, I hope for the chemo as well but not yet, I'm hoping for a switch of HT first, we will see, I am going to see my auntie in Scotland on Friday, she wants to see me, I don't know why, and will be stopping in Glasgow for a few hours to meet up with friends from the forum.

I'm ok Marie, all the family are well, so I'm happy, I hope your family are well too, and you are in a good place my friend 

love Eddie xx 

Good morning. Thank you Eddie them horrible thoughts are not with me at present and I have been feeling well so far. I have the odd nights where I don't sleep. It's not all the time. I've put it down to nature of the beast and just tolerate it. 

We still have snow and it is cold. You're right it's beautiful to be home cosy and warm watching out the window. Lovely. I'm sat here laughing about you knitting bedspreads. That's funny. I can only knit a straight line too lol The scarf isn't for anyone. I just had an immediate thought oh I'm going to knit. I had my music on and it calmed me. Felt good so I carried on. 

Did you go to hadden hall? We have planned to go sometime over the weekend. How was it? Not so packed I hope. Hope your appointments went well and poppys trip to the vet. That's funny her knowing. Bless her. 

How awesome you're off to Scotland tomorrow. That's ace. Wonder why she wants to see you. How exciting lol I hope you have the most wonderful time and have a safe journey. We are all good here thanks. We were going to have a walk out today but unfortunately Dave is busy working. Such is. I will knit and keep warm. DNs are coming to dress the burns as well so never sure when they will arrive. 

How is everything with you and what plans have you? Enjoy and take care X

Good morning Marie, glad those unpleasant thoughts are leaving you alone, I'm with you on losing a little sleep at times, we just have to put up with these things.

I was still at school during my knitting days, I can still recall it took 56 squares to make a bedspread, and took about 2 months to finish one, I did once knit a jumper, it was far too big and baggy and I hated it, but didn't unravel it because off all the time I put into it so put it away and forgot about it,  then discovered it about 20 years later and it became my favourite jumper until it started falling apart.

I couldn't agree more Marie, it's unbelievably relaxing, and if it keeps you in a good place, so much the better, I'm sure everyone will want the scarf when it's finished.

Sadly never made it to Haddon Hall, Sarah, my youngest daughter, had a bug so had to stay away from Mandy, so I was at Mandys all day, so we did a little baking, and went out for lunch, my friends who I was going with to Haddon Hall said it was fab,  but they are all women and there's lots of lovely things to buy, so they bound to find it fab 

Looking forward to Scotland, was going to go tomorrow, but an appointment had been moved to today, just a talk with nurse consultant at the hospice, just a massage this afternoon, and will set off just after it.

My auntie, has told me it's good news she wants to talk to me about, but to me only, at least it's not something to worry about. Poppy at the vets was funny, and close enough to walk to when I stop drinking too.

So sorry your walks been postponed, I'm sure you will have one soont, keep cosy and enjoy your knitting, and I hope your DNs are happy with how your burn is healing,

Been to hospice, taken some supplies to Mandys, a couple of presents for tomorrow, Poppy's at a friend's while I'm away, so bath, massage, pick up the girls and go to Glasgow, we are spending the night just north of Ayr,

Glad to hear you and the family are well, keep warm and safe.

love Eddie xx 

Good morning. I love your knitted jumper story. That's ace it became your favourite jumper and you wore it to death lol Still knitting here, I find it quite calming too. 

Sorry you didn't make it to hadden hall. Can't be helped huh. Just hope your family are all okay. Anyway baking with Mandy is far more important than hadden. We are supposed to be going tomorrow and then going for a Sunday roast. We are waiting to get a ticket as the weather is dreadful. We shall see what later brings. I hope your appointments and massage went well and you are keeping well. 

The burns are just about healed but they don't seem to want to leave lol Although they've dropped another day, they're just coming on a Thursday now. Dave will do a day which I'm glad of as it means I can have a relatively good bath and then Dave can do the dressings. It's usually difficult having a bath as they tell me not to get things wet. 

Went to get my bloods and picc line dressing changed yesterday. All went well. Feeling not too bad. Very Tired and one day of diarrhoea, chemo common side effects so just got on with it. Otherwise all okay for now. Well, I'm guessing you're in Scotland hooray. Hope you're having the most wonderful time and you have been given some exciting news already. Take care and enjoy X