Scanxiety, do we ever get used to it?

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Yesterday morning I had an appointment for scan, which are currently yearly. I really didn’t sleep well Saturday night thinking of my appointment at 10 in the morning. Since covid my scans have been in a porta cabin in the car park outside the main hospital. This comes with 2 car park spaces right outside the cabin, so all I had to worry about were the steep steps to get up to the cabin. The staff come out to meet you, and they are always very helpful, so wasn’t overly concerned about any of that, I just hate the scan! I hate the Canula, I hate the donut machine, and I hate the reminder that this is all I have to let me know what is going on inside my body. 

The hospital is a good 45 minutes drive from our home, but thinking it was Sunday, we should be fine, so set off at 9.10. We had only been on the road for ten minutes when my phone rang. I knew straight away my appointment was cancelled. The scanner had “gone down” and they needed to reschedule. I explained that we are away in the morning for a week, a caravan holiday booked to take my mind off the results which are due a couple of days after I get back! Ok she says, leave it with me, I will call you back. 

An hour passed and she called to say can you come now? Of course I said, so off we go again. Still come to the porta cabin she said, we will prep you here and take you over to the hospital. Perfect. 

So I’m prepped, canula went in first time! God bless this young nurse, he’s a superstar! I’ll take you over he said, but sorry it’s a long trek. That’s ok I thought, it will take my mind off of the looming donut, and that awful moment when the dye goes in and you think you’ve wet yourself ! As we are walking through the hospital, past the eye unit, past the Macmillan centre, it suddenly dawned on me where we were going. One of the corridors that connects the eye hospital to the main hospital has old photos of years gone past on the walls. And there it was. My grandfather stood outside his shop before the war, when he was about 30, looking extremely handsome, full of life, before the threat to life came, before the prejudice of him being an Italian immigrant and the threat of being shipped off to an immigration camp when the war started. His shop was attacked, he was attacked, but he stayed strong and became a very much loved local character. I knew in that instant where my strength was from. I said a silent prayer, and went off to my scan, which was over in minutes, and I really don’t know why I get myself so worked up!! 

So this morning I am off to Great Yarmouth. Never been there before so this will definitely take my mind off of things. Good luck to anyone who has scans, tests, treatments this week. I hope you find the strength from places you don’t know are there xx 

    • Hi Chelle,  what a lot of messing about. Unexpectedly seeing your grandads picture was him saying calm down you are strong and can do this. I still have scanziaty, not for the actual scan but for the results. I have a port so don't have the cannula problem anymore, it used to be awful.
    • Hope uou have a lovely time in Great Yarmouth and hope the weather is good for you. Take care xx
    • Moi
  • It’s done now Chelle. Take your good memories and enjoy the North Sea instead of the Solent!

    you have had a bit of a shock, now you need a few treats to bounce back.

    xx

  • Yes Chelle, scanxiety is awful. I don't worry about the scan, but I do worry about the results.

    I hope you can relax and enjoy your holiday to Norfolk, and you never know, your Grandad was there to reassure you and hopefully everything will be OK. If you had continued on your journey yesterday morning and used the mobile unit, you wouldn't have seen the photograph so maybe there's a reason why everything happened as it did. Who knows?

    Helen 
  • Chelle...when i did read that...i had a little tear in my eye...it was meant to be to walk past your granddad..it gave you strength and hope. Enjoy the holidays...hugs Pet

  • Hi  

    Thank you for letting us know this. Your grandad was there with you that day. Have a lovely holiday.

    A x

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  • Happy to report I had very good scan results today. My hospital has started doing face to face appointments again post covid, so we went to see my oncologist this morning. The scan has shown that there is no change from my scan one year ago, so I am still in the stable Mabel club. 

    It is 9 years this year as stage 4 incurable but treatable endometrial stromal sarcoma metastatic to the lung. 14 years since my initial diagnoses in the womb. 

    Chelle 

    Try to be a rainbow,in somebody else's cloud
    Maya Angelou

    Community Champion badge
  • That's brilliant news for you  xx

  • You've done amazingly well! truly incredible. 9 years after being told it's incurable is really hard to get my head around.

    I hope you're out celebrating tonight!

    Hugs

    Kate

  • Hi Chelle,  fantastic news yay so pleased for you. Take a deep breath let it out and CELEBRATE  Stable Mable. Champagne glassChampagneThumbsupHeart️ xx

    Moi

  • Oh Chelle, That's fabulous! Sorry but I don't think I got a notification of your original post 8 days ago, or I'd have replied. I have to admit, Vince was in hospital so I really wasn't checking every day. I don't so much hate the scan but getting the cannula in seems to get harder and harder as the years go on. I think my veins see a needle and hide. Lucky you, it is rare they get it in the first try! That was another omen for you. I give them three go's then tell them to get someone else.

    I think it's possible we are 2 of very few people who were diagnosed with Stage 4 and are still here to tell the tale!

    I hope you enjoyed your caravan holiday and coming back the Stable Mabel Club is the icing on the cake!!

    Long May it last for all of us!

    Love Annette x

    Yesterday is History, Tomorrow is a Mystery, Today is a Gift!!!