So, this happened at work today.
Late afternoon, an email was sent round the team inviting people to sign a Get Well card for a Colleague who was recovering from cancer treatment. Oh! I did not know and I was blown away. Especially as I think my Colleague is in his 20s.
I subsequently learn he has eye cancer. He’s just had an operation. It can’t be cured but it’s reasonable to expect to live for 10+ years with successful treatment.
I went to sign the card and other people had written the type of thing you normally see for people leaving. Frivolous jokes, memes, cartoons etc. ”Get Well Soon” was one message – as if he’d had flu or something similar and would be good-as-new in a few days. I found it all very trite, simplistic and a disconnect from reality. I wrote “Hiya, hope you’re recovering from your Op. Be kind to yourself – don’t try to do too much too soon. And of course . . . f* cancer. “
What struck me was the difference in his approach to mine. I’ve told no-one apart from my direct line 2-up on a need-to-know basis. I still want my privacy. If I want to talk about it, it will be on my terms.
I don’t really know him or anyone in that team. In the last 12 months everyone left. New people have arrived but we’re not in the same meetings. Remote working and hot desking in the office makes it difficult to get to know the wider team.
I suppose the point I’m making is that people outside our club just don’t understand. Or perhaps it’s too close for comfort perhaps or the wrong environment. Work is where I go to escape the cancer.
Hi Shadders,
I think this may be the first time I've spoken directly to you.
I read your post and this was exactly what happened to me. I worked in a small school and got on really well with everyone. When I was first diagnosed back in February 21, I immediately went on sick as I had tests, an hysterectomy and then chemotherapy. I was off work for nearly a year. Not once did I receive flowers or a card from management, this really upset me. Fortunately, I had a group of close friends, about 10, mainly learning support assistants, who sent me cards and flowers and messages to let me know they were thinking of me, and as I recovered, they visited too.
When my cancer recurred, I had another year off work, due to more treatments. I was told last July 2022, that I am incurable and was put on palliative care. In July this year, I gave my notice and retired due to ill health.
The headteacher, deputy and other teachers were always happy to see me on the few occasions I visited school, but it really hurt me to not even get anything throughout all of this just to show they were thinking of me. We had recently become an academy, so whether that had anything to do with this, I don't know. I just had to put it behind me and be so grateful for all the other friends I have. Saying that though, even a couple of my longest standing friends have not really visited me or sent as many messages as they could have in my opinion. It is upsetting, and I wonder if I should confront them and tell them how I feel, but not sure it would do any good. My partner says that they probably don't know what to say and feel awkward or upset, but I tell him that it's not really about them and why should I always have to consider their feelings when they obviously don't consider mine or ours.
Anyway, try to put it behind you and focus on the kind and positive people that you have in your life, that's what I'm trying to do.
Best wishes,
Helen xx 
Helen
