Just needing a bit of advice from someone with a bit more experience of managing scanxiety! And to park this somewhere.
I started chemotherapy and immunotherapy treatment in January, first CT scan to check how things were going in April. Cue the anxious wait from hell until I saw the oncologist. I was really wound up by the time I got to see the consultant, and was very surprised to be told it was good news, no evidence of disease. Pre treatment it was all doom and gloom and stage 4, one in six chance of stabilising it etc. In effect, I felt like I'd been given a death sentence. Although they didn't give me a sell by date, thankfully.
I've done a further 5 rounds of immunotherapy, had another scan and am now back in limbo waiting for results. No matter how positively I talk to myself, I can't get rid of the awful sense of dread I get, waiting on results. I'll need sedating for the visit to the oncologst at this rate. I try to tell myself it went well last time, you feel well etc, but I am getting myself very wound up again. Constantly thinking 'What if...' It is so hard to keep positive, yet I know that I've not had any evidence of disease since my biopsy in November. Hope is a tricky customer, I am frightened of feeling it. The last time I dared to hope, I was diagnosed, and that was pretty crushing. I know I should be grateful that things seem to be going well.
I've got to get used to this, the plan is 2 years on immunotherapy. I am definitely triggered the minute I get scanned, it's like a clock starts ticking in my head. In between scans I function normally. I can withstand the physical effects of treatment, it's the mental battle I have with myself that is the hardest part.
Any advice please from anyone who has been there? Thanks for reading, allowing me to dump my brain content here, and for any pearls of wisdom.
