How much (or little) do you tell people?

Hi Harebellle, 

I can understand your frustration and annoyance, it is your news to tell, only if you want to.

I initially told all family, friends and colleagues but that was when I thought it was a case of - have surgery, get back to work. I told colleagues myself due to the fact that it can be quite gossipy and I thought that if they know from me, they wouldn't put 2 and 2 then make the rest up, as that is what usually happens.

As time has gone on, I am reluctant to tell anyone anything. I feel that this is my situation now and it's my life and my business. I feel that no one needs to know the full ins and outs.

Hope you get sorted,

A x

I have told all at work as well as family and all are supportive, but when it comes to normal days I generally pretend I'm fine even when I'm not ie when someone asks how are you?  I usually act like all is good when really Im terrified, scared, feel like gp doesn't want to see me, I don't want people to worry, suffering from fatigue etc.  

We are all different in how we approach this.  I was happy to tell anyone who was not just an acquaitance, when I was diagnosed with secondary breat cancer. That meant work colleagues, friends and famly.Many people dont undertand the differemce betwen secondary and primary cancer and I needed to explain it to family and friends. Many assumed because I had come throught primary cancer in 2003 and was well till end Sept 2017 that this would be the same. Being upfront and honest felt imprtant. Now, 5 years on, some  may have fallen back into believing that all is well. Only it isnt, and after years of treatment and being pretty well, I  am moving into a different phase. I dont look so well and current treatment is no longer working. I need now to let those who matter and care that things are changing so they are prepared. I dont know if there is next treatment or not - will find out soon. But whatever, it still feels important to be upfront. Maybe, our level of open-ness and honest changes over time.        As gay people say, coming out is not a one off event, it is a lifetime process.

It is an individual decision, and i doont have a partner to worry about. But maybe partners  are seeking support too - keep on talking is all i can say.

xx

Hi Harebellle, sorry to hear that you and your husband aren't speaking, I hope you are by now.

In my case I'm happy to tell close friends and relatives that I have an incurable cancer and explain the details. Some, if not all, are surprised that I can't get a bone marrow transplant and I hope they understand that, when I explain why not. My wife on the other hand will sometimes tell people that I have cancer but after 7 years she still doesn't even get the type of cancer right. So infuriating but I bite my lip, kind of, I tell her again and it's stressful for both of us. Well for me anyway! 

Hope you're speaking to him now Harebellle.

Take care

Tvman xx 

Yes we're speaking now. We never let the sun go down on an argument. Xx

Married life ups and downs in between straight bits 

Hi Harebellle,   I`m sorry you & your husband find yourself in this awkward position, especially with you being so upset. Having said that I`m sure the pair of you will sort it out amicably.  Regarding to tell or not to tell, it is my opinion, it is up to the person who was diagnosed with cancer. I understand people with different types of cancer might not want people to know as it could be embarrassing to them because of where the cancer is located and may lead them to feel uncomfortable/self conscious.

I was diagnosed with stage IV Prostate cancer with virtually no symptoms. After discussing the diagnosis with my wife, we decided to tell my family and friends the dangers of PC as it might save a guy & his family worry and heartache. I do not actively seek people to tell but offer advice to get checked out at the GP and request a PSA test whenever the situation presents itself. I have even had friends asking for information about PC, so positive results for me (and them).

I know everyone is different and we all have different personal experiences on the particular cancer we have but ultimately it should come down to your decision. I wish you well Harebellle.

Take care, Tom.

Hi Harebellle

i hope you have fixed things with hubby, I think he probably means well, I’m not excusing him, just maybe he’s trying.

Donna

Hi Harebelle, it should be you to choose who and when to tell people.  I told close family and some of them passed it on, I was angry. My husband doesn't like to talk about it to othere people. He's actually told a couple òf people to mind there own business when they've asked to many questions. But its your choice not your hubby's xx

Moi

Hi Harebelle, Like many of the others on this thread, I too feel very strongly that this news is owned by you and that only you have the right to impart it to others of your choosing.

Some years ago I had another cancer which was dealt with but I chose not to tell certain people - namely my husbands parents and anybody on that side of the family. My reason was that I knew that every time we met up with them my MiL would drone on and on about it and I'd end up being rude. Sometimes it's better that certain types of people are kept in ignorance, otherwise they are prophets of doom every time you see them and you don't want that.

So I think you have to lay it out your way. To whomever crosses your path. and I hope that you can line up a few ready phrases to keep people supportive but not suffocating you.  Know how you feel though.  Rainie x