Unwanted Family "Enquiries"

I’ve told everyone all about my illness, close family, extended family and even do Facebook updates for my friends.  I then leave them to decide what they do with the info. At the start some peoples attitude changed, they didn’t know what to say didn’t want to offend or upset me etc. After a while of me continuing to just be it’s settled down and they mostly treat me the way they always did now.  I have some contact groups on messenger apps so when I get updates I send a message to my family group so they all get the same update. There’s another group for wider family / close friends who get an update.   I don’t spend one second worrying about who I have told what or who might accidentally share what.

Gosh. Yes it is tough. Especially at first when you tell people. 

i am in between you and Remoh.

I keep my family informed and some close friends but usually now go out with friends and my health isn’t even  discussed and I quite like that. I have had the diagnosis for 12 years now.

I did  have to tell my husband not to tell everyone in the village because he loves to chat.

It is a very personal thing. I too am a straightforward person and say it how it is.

Best wishes to you and your family xx

My family act normally with me but I know there have been a few discussions between themselves. I was told 8 months to a year at diagnosis so I suppose they were a entitled to say something.

I like your set of rules Mmum, they seem appropriate for your family. There may be a few uncomfortable moments when you lay down the law but you do have to look after your kids and yourselves.

I don't like giving these personal opinions on people's lives but it dosnt seem to stop me.! Good luck with the negotiations. X

Yes I agree Ted. We all have to do what is right for us.
it does seem to work out in the end  xx

You have to do what's right for you, especially I think when you have a young family. You have to handle how you break the news to them. It was different for me as my family were grown with lives of their own, but I was still very much consious of how I told them about my diagnosis. Only you know about their fragilities and what they are handling in their own lives - you mentioned exams. I would have waited until they were completed before I had said anything had my family been at that stage.

People around you often do think they have a right to know, but they don't. At the end of the day, this is your time and you do it your way. My own family were informed - partly as I can't be asked to fudge things and I certainly couldn't remember who was told what, when etc. So for me it was just more straightforward to give out the news and tell them I was getting on with it. I certainly don't think the neighbours have any right to know anything and, like Ruth, I live in a village and my health issues are none of anybody else's business.  All the best to you.  Rainie x

I'm more like Remoh, though I spoke to close family a while before I gave out general news.

Letting neighbours and friends know was partly because I was expecting to become ill and die quite soon and certainly during Covid I thought we may need all the help we could muster! It hasn't been an issue though, I've not had a problem with intrusive questions.

When people ask me how I'm doing I now say "much better than expected" !

I am sorry that you are having a bad experience with your in laws, it does make life harder than it needs to be. 

Hi Mmum, I'm like Ruth I have told nearest and dearest and a few select friends. I did tell my DIL because I felt our son needed her support but the rest of her family live in NI so although they know, it is not a problem. I did stipulate no mention of health etc on FB because Iknow they are constantly on FB as a family, and we are not. They have stuck to my wishes and only communicate through our DIL. My in-laws are deceased but we haven't told my SIL or BIL because we are not close to them.

It is up to you how you handle this and who you take into your confidence but I do think you should, like me, say no mention should be made in Social Media. Also in my opinion I think it is worth telling others that ONLY you or your husband will discuss things with your children, no one else.

Itis a difficult situation but if you take charge of the do's and don'ts at the beginning you have a better chance of keeping control of things yourself! Good luck!

Hi, as you can see from the replies it really is a personal choice. But it is your choice to make and I hope they respect your decision whatever it is.

I told my family, we are all a close bunch even though they are in New Zealand. I did have it leaked on a social media site and simply chose not to reply to people I worked with some time ago and hadn't kept in touch. The posts were shown to me a it was upsetting to be at the centre of such gossip. After much ranting to my other half I simply responded to none of it as without fuel to the fire they'll be on to the next thing soon enough. 

Stick to your guns, you know what's right for you. 

When I was on my first treatments nearly 11 years ago I had to tell people as I very quickly looked very ill. I responded very well to that treatment and when I became very ill due to side effects of the illness I stopped treatment and went onto a watch and wait scheme where if I had further spread I would restart treatment. I had no spread for 8 years so now my friends joke I'm the healthiest looking incurable ill person they know so any new people in my life which aren't many I don't say anything to. I started immunotherapy last July as I have more spread now and I still look very healthy so there are people who don't know im back on treatment. I do find it's the older family members that tend to be in the how brave you are camp but I only really have a couple of them to deal with

When first diagnosed in 2018 I told my close family I only wanted positive people around me no negativity. My eldest sister was the prophet of doom on everything,  but stayed positive for me, I commented to one of her sons how good she was he laughs and said really, she cries and says your dying when she's with them!!!!! At her funeral a few of her friends said we thought you'd have gone first. I told them to pee off. My grandsons no I've been ill still am but OK, No disgusting big C infant of them,. X