Is it just me?

Jane I am so sorry you were made to feel like this. My radiotherapy consultant was lovely and went through everything thoroughly with me, and was very encouraging. I don’t know why your radiotherapy consultant would be like this with you. Some doctors do make you feel more like a number than a person, which is horrid. I would speak to your oncologist about why surgery isn’t an option. Xx 

I’m sorry you were spoken to like that. We are vulnerable and need a kind word and an explanation even it is bad news. 
It  is hard to stick up for ourselves but over the years I have learnt to and I and my husband ask questions.

i am lucky with my oncologist who is helpful with his answers.

Good luck xxx

I had a similar experience Jane. I had a face to face with a locum oncologist and my wife came with me.  We were discussing my prognosis, always an unhappy chat.

The oncologist glanced at her notes and told me this little parable. ; if everyone took their troubles to a market and put them on a table, after seeing everyone else's,  you would take yours home again.

I nearly fell off the chair. My Macmillan nurse phoned a couple of days after, I recounted how this woman had made me feel, never saw her again!

I've got a great oncologist and now refuse to see anyone else. As Rainieday said, more questions must be asked. Good luck. AA. X

Hello artist assistant, 

Oh my goodness, that is just terrible, and to be honest, I’d take a chance with taking someone else’s problems, but what a terrible thing to say, as if your problems are insignificant. 
I didn’t like my consultant either, so condescending, and fake empathy. 
I try to avoid her now and ask for phone calls , instead. 
Im glad you have a good one now. 
This was the radiotherapy oncologist, she was just so matter of fact. We all need a bit of hope, even ifs it not realistic. 
I will wait to see how tumour reacts to radiotherapy, then start asking questions again. 
Thanks Chelle and Ruth, I’m definitely trying to stick up for myself, I must admit. 
Just had my radiotherapy scan and tattoo marks preparation, now to wait for appts. 
Makes me laugh when they keep saying I’ll have tattoo marks, the size of a dot. 
Seriously, I have an 8 inch vertical scar on my tummy, a caesarean scar, and a thyroidectomy scar. 3 dots won’t change my life  

Thank you all xxx 

Hi Jane,

It's funny how time can alter your perception of a doctor. When I first encountered my oncologist he made me feel I was not long for this world and I was utterly depressed - being at a very low ebb at the time. In a way it was my own fault as I asked him to be frank - and he was. But then my surgeon called me up and we had a long and very different chat. He had a totally different perspective. That call made me realise that I shouldn't take one persons opinion as definitive in any way.

However, since then I've had quite a few chats with my oncologist and over time we have managed to establish a much better relationship. I am as forthright with him as with anybody else. I ask many questions and he responds well to that. I now feel a lot better about what might happen in the future with regard to being under his care. 

Nobody should make you feel badly and I do think some are very short on empathy. I'm afraid that if I encounter that now, I tend to lob it back over the net - often with a bit of spin. [I don't play tennis, but I hope you get my drift]. I do think that oncologists especially have a very hard job telling people bad news all day, so it may be you encountered somebody at a low ebb - not that I'm making excuses for unprofessional behaviour, but I did once say to someone 'having a bad day are we?' and it brought forth a smile, then a 'sorry' and they then relaxed a bit.  I've rambled.   Rainie x

Hi Rainie. 
Not rambling at all, it’s all true. It’s great that you have achieved a better relationship with your oncologist. 
I just struggle building one, as they don’t seem to care, therefore, I just want to get out asap. 
It is funny, how different they all are. When I came around,  after my hysterectomy, a doctor I’d not seen before, came round and said that now the huge lump was out, 99% of the cancer was gone and just a bit in right lung, and that was easily treatable. I was nearly doing cartwheels. But by the afternoon, my surgeon came round to see me, and was so very different, I thought/think, I must only have months left. 
Then I was completely deflated again. 
I want the truth, but in a gentle way, and with a bit of hope, or what is the point now, we need a way to keep going. 
xxx 

Hi Jane, I was so sorry to read how you had been treated. As Raine said there are definitely more questions to be asked but I do not think the answer is to ask for a telephone appointment but to ask to see another oncologist.

No one person knows it all. Even the professionals can only guess how long someone has to live. There are several of us here who have passed our sell by dates by years. Never give up, there is always Hope. You just have to ask to see someone else who knows how to treat patients. It is hard speaking up for ourselves but in this day and age, we just have to. It is our life, we need all the facts and you won't get them from the idiot you spoke to. My solution is don't speak to them again, you have the right to a second opinion! Good luck!