Hi Himalaya, sorry you're having such a hard time. Having incurable cancer is a bit much so it's not surprising if you're finding it difficult cope. I do struggle and some days are really bad but I have had episodes of depression and anxiety in the past so I have some coping strategies which help a bit. I know, for example, that I need to stay in touch with people and not shut myself away, however tempting that is. At the moment, I find I feel better if I spend time with friends just talking about about normal stuff, not my cancer. The counselling helps because I do need a space to talk about my negative feelings and to come to terms with the fact that I probably don't have long to live. I don't want to dump all that on my friends, partly because I need them to be cheerful and positive, partly because I'm worried they won't come to visit me if I keep crying. The thing I find a bit hard about the counselling is that it's person-centred, which means I am just supposed to talk about whatever's on my mind without much input from the counsellor. I'm not a very talkative person so it doesn't come naturally to me, but my counsellor is very supportive and I do feel better after each session.
I do try to focus on the things I can do and be grateful for them. I'm quite new at this though, so sometimes it's hard not to be sad about the things I loved and can no longer do. I will keep trying. xx
I know what you mean about counselling....can be exhausting if you are doing all the talking. Sometimes you just want someone to wave a magic wand and tell you what to do. Good that you feel better after your sessions.
I've hardly seen my friends whilst on chemo and it's now difficult to get out and about and break the habit of staying in. Good you're seeing your friends...it all takes energy though doesn't it.
Hope the weather is good where you are. It's fab here and I'm near the sea this week with my sister.
