FML

ownedbystaffies yes I know what you Mean.  I've always been the one everyone goes to. But after my diagnosis most of them disappeared.  My true friends have stuck with me through it all, they are just looking out for me I know. But there are times when I just want to be me. 

Hi ALL, It is nice to have friends who care but it can get a bit frustrating and claustrophobic sometimes when you just want to try and get on with things! I do think Stuart has hit the nail on the head whe he said the person you have to convince is YOURSELF!! It is so very hard to accept but what choice do we have! At the minute my family are telling me I look tired (I know) and to stop running after our 86 year old neighbour. I've taken her to the hospital three weeks in a row because she had a Basil Cell Carsinoma that needed seen to but couldn't go because she had no one to take her. I've also taken her to the clinic for her Covid Booster and flu jag, all within the last four weeks. I arranged for the District Nurse to pop in to dress her wound too. My family are upset at me because she has two sons who live quite nearby but won't do anything to help. Even her grandchildren and great grandchildren only phone occasionally, but never pop in. Her daughter lives in New Zealand.In actual fact our son has said he will take her next week but she wants me to go in with her and I don't think she would like a male there with her, as she is of an older generation, she still likes lady doctors. What can I do? I can't abandon her.

Sometimes we are our own worst enemies as we won't or don't admit how bad things are. As Lily said, I am still the same person and don't want anyone to struggle. After all this time, I'm used to it. Stuart I'm hoping your doctors are wrong, it has happened before or a lot of us wouldn't still be here!

Hi Annette,

I think it is really nice of you to help your neighbour. I used to do everything for my mum. They often do prefer a woman to help them.

I start my radiotherapy on Wednesday so will be glad when it is over. I am just having it for 5 days not including the weekend and apparently I can have steroids if I want them depending on how I feel

xxx

Hi Annette

Like Ruth, I think it's really nice for you to do that when her sons don't seem to care. Do you know them, and if you contacted them would you find they don't care about her? Possibly they don't know about the appointments. 

If your son wants to step in and take her, could you go along with them and you will have the driving removed and less stress. I would do exactly the same as you because it's a caring thing to do and it would give me great satisfaction knowing that I have helped someone who is in need. However if it began to have a detrimental effect on my health I'd have to explain to her why I couldn't continue and hope that she'd understand.

How about finding out if the hospital she's going to has a list of people who do exactly what you're doing and someone who is in better health can step in and relieve you. Your children are worried about you but you maybe are looking at yourself through rose tinted spectacles.

I'll be in touch soon and in the meantime please take care and stay safe Annette.

Tvman xx

Hi Annette

Like Ruth, I think it's really nice for you to do that when her sons don't seem to care. Do you know them, and if you contacted them would you find they don't care about her? Possibly they don't know about the appointments. 

If your son wants to step in and take her, could you go along with them and you will have the driving removed and less stress. I would do exactly the same as you because it's a caring thing to do and it would give me great satisfaction knowing that I have helped someone who is in need. However if it began to have a detrimental effect on my health I'd have to explain to her why I couldn't continue and hope that she'd understand.

How about finding out if the hospital she's going to has a list of people who do exactly what you're doing and someone who is in better health can step in and relieve you. Your children are worried about you but you maybe are looking at yourself through rose tinted spectacles.

I'll be in touch soon and in the meantime please take care and stay safe Annette.

Tvman xx

Hi Annette. I totally understand,  I can't just abandon people as I worry they won't get help elsewhere, but Tvman is right let your son do the driving and maybe contact her sons yourself. But be there for your neighbour as you have obviously formed a bond and they can be almost impossible to break. 

I think my problem is, I worry that if I stop that the cancer will take over and I have promised my family that I will fight all the way. Resting is important for all of us, but we still want to help others. It's in our nature.  

Hi Lily, It's a big adjustment. I too find it hard after a lifetime of independence and much needed assertiveness at work. I was always a 'do-er' and a person who 'made stuff happen'. Now the only thing I make happen lately seems to be a Victoria Sandwich. So understand exactly where you're coming from. I'm also very aware of a certain look on the faces of family members every time I cough; clear my throat; hiccup; exhibit breathlessness or even just let out a sigh. I know what they're all thinking. It's often followed by 'You alright?'. It does get a trifle wearying and I do sometimes feel irritated, but as Norberry says, it's showing that they care.  Keep on trucking Lily, albeit in a smaller truck!  Rainie x

Hi Ruth, Good luck on Wednesday. I hope the 5 days will go quickly and uneventfully for you!

Hi TVman, Lily and everyone, Thanks for your replies and suggestions. The problem is I DO know her sons, they are numpties! They haven't spoken to one another for over 20 years. If the mum asks one of them to help with something, they say she should ask the other brother. The other brother says the same! If it is something like change a lightbulb, my son will do it for her, or change the sheets on her bed etc. To go to the hospital my son would have to take time off work and I don't want him to do that.  If I didn't have an automatic car, I would no longer be able to drive but for as long as I can, I will! I don't want my family worrying but I think it would be difficult to stop them worrying at this stage because they can see me getting slower and more tired week by week. Since I've had problems with my arm and shoulder it has been harder to use my crutches.

I'm sure there will come a time when I will need to use my wheelchair on a permanent basis and as I can't use it on my own, I would need someone else to push me. As I would never ask an 86 year old to push me then things will come to a head then but hopefully not for a while yet! Onward and upward!

Thank you Annette.

I will be glad when it is over xx