How d'you get your head round it

Hi Himalaya,

I think we've all been there at one point, like Norberry said, and over time it calmed down for me as well. Two things come to mind that I have heard of, though. One is to set aside a certain time to do your worrying or thinking about dying. Do it then, and when the time is over, get up and do something else that is engrossing enough to get your mind off it. Some people call it throwing yourself a "pity party". Also, kind of related to this, I had been reading about how to help my son through this, and one thing the authors noted is that the way kids process difficult information (like that your parent has cancer or is going to die) is not all at once. I forget the term, like they take a biteful at a time or something. A chunk. They spend a little time talking about it and then run off and go play, and then later bring it up again, and so on. There was a lot of stuff to do at the beginning - putting my affairs in order, reading about how to help my son, doing "legacy work" where you leave mementos (letters, videos, whatever) for family, traveling, etc. I got bogged down in it all, planning for death all day long. I had to back off and only do a little bit at a time, so my whole life wasn't consumed by it.

Anyway, hope this helps some!

Patricia

I find my mind racing when symptoms are bad like pain or vomiting. Once controlled, the mind calms down and i think of other things.

Hi Himalaya, We all have these fears and they can be overwhelming and come and go too - not just a constant gloom-fest. I know that I went through a sort of hell when I first got my diagnosis and there was a nightmare period of surgery, but having come out of that and then got to the stage of being Stable Mabel (but only 6 months so far, so nothing taken for granted) but there's now a calm. I know that I'm not fooling myself or thinking that I'm out of the woods because I know that I'm going up the escalator (my visual image for the process!). But I feel that I already paid my dues in the worrying department - so at the moment I've set all that aside and can actually get something out of each day.

I hope you reach a point of peaceful acceptance. I hope I'm not being flippant in tentatively suggesting that a little foray into art therapy might give you some form of escape from dwelling on things which you can do nothing much about. Have a peek at the arty thread and e-mail me if it strikes you as something that would be of help and support. Meantime, sending the proverbial big hugs. Rainie x

Everyone will die eventually.  You won’t carry on being consumed by worry about death.  When it comes you may not even know anything about it.  I’m under Palliative Care at my local hospice and I have a Social Worker from there who is able to help me come to terms with my prognosis.  Have you something similar where you are?  I have also read the book recommended here that is worth reading and I found comforting.  Read it straight through.