How d'you get your head round it

Hi it is a roller coaster of a ride for everyone and you have good days and bad one minute you are ok and the next you are not it can happen in minutes a lot also depends on how much support you have family friends etc or like me i live on my own but I carry on even through some days are worse than others I am a very keen gardener so I try to totally escape in my garden for example I try to focus on any positives in the day some days you struggle to find positives so I write them down and refer to them in my special book might sound daft but it helps also in our special group you will find loads of support and advice we a are a very special family on here and we support each other through bad times and good day or night xxx

I had similar feelings until I accepted my disease and end of life. Nothing I can do to change it. I refocused on my 60 years and realised that I had just about achieved everything I aspired too. I think we as humans look to the future so much when infact the only thing we have is Today. We become attached to people and material things.  Its not easy and I struggle still but I realise that life will end, as it does for everyone. I wanted to ask YOU this. How many Years do you need in a lifetime ?.

Hi @Himalaya,

the responses from Flippen and Tony are right, but is not always easy to do. You say you are totally cosumed by thinking about the end- so is it the fear of what the end will be like? We have all grown up on stories of painful deaths etc. Can I suggest one way to stop being so consumed by it, is to look your fears straight in the face. Reading the book "with the end in mind" by kathryn Mannix really helped me as it gives clear advice about how you know the end is near, and what actually happens. I think the only way through fear is just that - through it, you cant look away if you are consumed by it. Hope you might find the relief I found in it, as have others - it may not be an easy read, but you can read it in short bursts. Having insight from a palliative care consultant, as she is, is valuable. Keep posting on here and asking for support.

xx

Thank you so much. I agree about the rollercoaster but lovely you can enjoy the garden and fresh air. I also write stuff down at night but the days are such hard going.

Take care,

H

I think the acceptance issue is really key and I can't seem to achieve it. How did you get there?

I was talking to someone yesterday and saying that there's such a difference between knowing that life can stop anytime and KNOWING that life will stop. Big black cloud permanently.

As to how many years I need.....I'll give that some thought! 

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

H

Thank you for your help. I've heard of that book and will get a copy. It sounds as though it really helped you....

You're right about facing your fears....it has to be done. My main concern is the practicalities!! I live ony own but my family are the other side of the country.

Thank you for your prompt reply and advice

H

Himalaya, get that book and read it. I read it in one go. Settled all my end of life fears, it's a miracle read.

We have all had a diagnosis and some of us given a prognosis,  at that time we were all consumed with worry, all night, all day, when we were asleep, when we were awake, every second and every minute of every day.

Could we carry on like that, of course not, we would all be in the loony bin.

Eventually it will not take over your entire life all the time, it just can't do. I got over it, everyone on here got over it, so will you.

I am not interested in positive thinking, living my life one day at a time, or other platitudes I just want to stay alive so does everyone on here.

Read that book and tell me when you finally sleep through the night. I bet its not long.

If you can't sleep after that I have failed. Most people would sleep after reading anything I post!

X

Thank you so much for your lovely reply. Reassuring that the 110% worrying doesn't continue.

I need to buy this book.

Thank you so much for your reply 

H

For a long-time I had it in my head that 80 Years was okay. It was an expectation of longevity. But theres no guarantee for anyone. KNOWING applies to everyone but its often a far off idea until dying eventuality arrives. To be told that Im dying was very hard and theres no easy answers. Because I cannot change the outcome, I eventuality realised that only today is guaranteed and death could arrive tomorrow like it will for many people who dont know now. Personally I've found ACCEPTANCE through reading about Buddhist wisdom. Life and death or impermanence. Himalaya is interesting. Do YOU think you may find some peace by exploring these ideas .just a thought

Is it the fear of dying alone? Because you life alone? If you talk to your cancer nurse , they can give you advise,you will have a palliative team around you when time comes. And i would think your family will be there for you at the end. Sending you a big hug. Pet