I'm not the story people want to hear (nothing bad has happened, just musings)

Stuart, I agree, good for you for playing the cancer card!

Ownedbystaffies, hmm. I think maybe I used to talk about cancer sometimes as a way to explain my departure from the "normal" path of life for people my age. "What do you do for a living?" When I was obviously in chemo people didn't ask that as much as later, when I looked healthier.  Um, “I sleep a lot and do physical therapy and recover from lung surgeries and do clinical trials”? Or, "I fight cancer" is what I wanted to say for the last couple of years. Sometimes I’d say I have had health problems so haven’t been working. But at that time, I felt like it was temporary and would have a happy outcome. Now I don’t want to talk about it so much because it’s not and most likely won’t. Such a killjoy.

Actually, my wife used to chide me early on because random people would ask all the time how I broke my leg – thinking something fun like skiing or motorcycle riding or whatever. I’d just say “cancer” and the conversation would come to a grinding halt. Oops, sometimes I’m not the best socially. I was on a lot of oxy, that’s my excuse.

• random people would ask all the time how I broke my leg – thinking something fun like skiing or motorcycle riding or whatever. I’d just say “cancer”

Love this. Exactly the sort of blunt thing I would say.

Stuart x 

My GP said I was looking 'well', just Weeks before diagnoses in A and E.  Strange comment in hindsight I think now but you have to laugh!.

Hi all, Apart from my family and close friends I hadn't told anybody else. Then people in my art group started wondering where I was so I let them know, but that's it. I don't talk about it that much any more, but if I have to and am worried, then it's here that I turn to as I know that there's a level of understanding here that even my own family cannot tune into. After a while, I just didn't want to go into it all, but some were very curious about the details, so I developed a way of wrapping the discussion up in short order as I don't want to be picking over my own bones for others.[if that makes sense].

I think age affects your tolerance too, never mind steroids. I saw on my facebook feed a quote from Helen Mirren that made me smile. She said that if she could give her younger self one piece of advice it would be to tell people to 'F*** off' more often than she did. in that regard, I think I'm probably making up for lost time. Oh dear!  Rainie x

After losing all my hair to two chemo rounds, my response was not friendly to anyone who knew I had cancer and still said "I love your hat / haircut (when it was growing back)". I'd say "As you know, it's free on the NHS" which was the best way I found to convey how I felt about that topic of conversation.

Tony73, I have NEVER been told I look well as often as since I've had cancer (the last two years - I'm 54). It's beyond strange. Yet, I can sort of see myself doing exactly the same thing. Expecting the person to look pale and wan, you just blurt out "You look great!" Oh the cruel irony.

Hi, Patricia

As time passes, I find myself reluctant to share "good news" with people who are not around when the going gets tough. I am not repackaging it for anyone. In that sense, I'm with the person who quoted Helen Mirren. But I have to say I think we need the culture around cancer to change, especially as so many people do get cancer at some point. It's ludicrous that it's not discussed more widely other than in terms of "prevention" which simply makes everyone who hasn't had it believe that you can prevent it. Of course, you can help prevent it, but I know people who got a double-shock at diagnosis when they discovered they had advanced cancer in spite of their "healthy" lifestyle and regular checks. Sigh

I get a lot of 'you look well' comments, I just say thank you now.

I have told everyone I know now, some of them via social media. I was very reluctant share widely at first, but it was a relief to tell people in the end.

It's great in that when people ask how I am I don't feel that I am lying to them, I can say I'm fine, or I'm tired today. Some people do want alot of detail though and that is sometimes wearying. I am learning to let people know when I don't want to talk about it. 

I have pretty much told everyone too. I used Caringbridge throughout my treatment to update people, and announced it on there. Plus to neighbors and friends who have known about my treatment. Perhaps I'm a big b*tch, but I feel like, if I have to be uncomfortable with this, so do other people. Actually, I also think that no one talks about this, about dying, and that's too bad, because then no one knows what to do or say. Sometimes I'm just straightforward. I will say "No more treatment," and people sometimes are happy for me, "So you're done, now you can go on with life." I tell them no, treatment is DONE, because there isn't any more. They aren't sure what to say. I guess, though, even if we as a society were more comfortable with this, what would they say? "I'm so sorry?" 

What would we want people to say, upon finding out we are incurable?

I guess maybe I'd like to hear about people like here on this forum, who are living their lives out. Maybe tell me a story about your aunt that found out she had stage 4 cancer and then did x, y, and z, and so enjoyed it. I guess???

PatriciaV

Perhaps people who ' know ' want to make.us feel better, not th at many do know in my small circle. Curious that the GP should say that to me. I mean clothes are just baggy on me. I look gauntish now.