Had a long talk with my Consultant today, it should have been a face to face appointment but I didn't get the appointment, just an appointment for chemo tomorrow.
My Consultant doesn't think there's any benefit in trying another chemo. It doesn't cross the blood/brain barrier, and although my latest scan shows more tumours in my liver, it's the brain tumour and spinal cord cancer that are the problem. The chemo is usually fairly well tolerated, fatigue and sickness, hair loss and risk of infection are the main side effects. I've had 3 bladder/kidney infections so far this year and 4 hospital admissions with complications from chemo, so am high risk of another hospital admission.
So we've made the decision, no more cancer treatment. I feel well, in fact better than I've felt in over a year of chemo, and am sick and tired of always feeling sick and tired.
My Consultant says chemo is unlikely to give me any more time, but the risk of infection for someone in a wheelchair with a permanent catheter is very high.
We've talked about this day as a family and now that it's here I feel confident it's the right decision for us.
It'll be hard to tell our sons and my twin sister, but there's nothing to be gained from flogging a dead horse. My brother had his op on Wednesday, and has been moved to another hospital to deal with a collapsed lung so it's a difficult time for us. I'd like to be as well as possible for as long as possible so that I can see my brother when he's out of the woods.
If things change and I start to get symptoms from the cancer in my lungs, liver or spine I can change my mind. Otherwise I'll be posting in the End of Life forum and don't really know what to expect from here on. We're having a stair lift fitted on Thursday so I'll be able to have a bath and shower, one of life's luxuries.
Need to finish the Memory Walk,I'm so grateful for the donations from here, especially as so many charities are struggling at the moment. xx
Thanks anndanv St first I felt a bit threatened, as if things might go downhill very quickly, but no one can possibly know what’s going to happen. I think the last Dr told me what I wanted to hear.
My Consultant says very few people make this decision, most people want to keep going to the bitter end, perhaps for their families.
Quality over quantity every time for our family.
You inspire me, and I’ll take some candles up to the bathroom 
xx
You hit the nail on the head Galilee it’s exhausting going through chemo, it can suck the life right out of you. I don’t want to end my days like that. My circle of friends is getting smaller, it’s easy to see the ones who are only in it for the drama. I don’t have to waste any time on them, it’s quite liberating. I don’t need to be told to keep fighting, I had the reoccurrence at the end of 2015, incurable since 2017 & terminal for 18 months. I’ve got this. Thank you for your good wishes xx
Ah, the rubberneckers, plenty of those about. The worst are the ones who want to tell you how badly your cancer has affected them. "oh I couldn't concentrate at all when I heard and I had to get some pills from my doctor, but I have spoken to my bosses and they are very understanding and have told me to take a few days off"
