Future

Hi Chaz81

I'm so sorry to hear that you are in the situation you are in. I'd rather have met you elsewhere. 

When was your diagnosis and was it then that you discovered your premature death sentence?

You and I are both in the same boat. I was diagnosed in March 2015 so that's quite a while now. At diagnosis I was devastated. Depression, uncertainty, all retirement plans in pieces (I was aged 57 then). My world had fallen in. My wife and sons and daughter were in shock. My daughter who I am closest to was in tears and when on the phone I broke down frequently. I didn't see me reaching my 60th birthday so I used money from one of my pensions to go on a couple of holidays that I hadn't had over the years because I was self employed and worked long hours. 

I'm 62½ now , nothing has changed. I am still incurable, I have a bone marrow cancer. Life doesn't have a dark cloud now. I hope you will have a few years in which to enjoy life and living. My advice is that if you haven't a short time to live then try to relax. Try to enjoy life and spend time with the people you love and are closest to. 

There's a MacMillan helpline number to reach out to, you can also see your GP and arrange for someone to speak to and receive help, it was worth it for me. Whatever you choose to do you are always welcome here. There's always someone around to chat with. We're here to help you and also for advice because we have experience of feeling low. I hope you can start to turn around your low mood and find happiness in life again. 

I'm sorry if I haven't written this too well, I've just had my telephone consultation with my hospital nurse who had my blood results. All's well apart from my neutrophils which are borderline neutropenia so my head is a little mixed up! 

Take care Chaz and stay safe my friend.

Tvman

Hi Chaz. Much depends on whether you are a glass half full or a glass half empty person. I am now 92 and was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer 10 years ago. Was told most men die with it and not of it. Treatment continued until July 2019 when they finally stopped everything and gave me a few short months or weeks!!  Family all devastated of course but nothing happened! Here I am writing to you to cheer you up and to say, whatever form you have tomorrow is still to look forward to. Your family should not be worrying. For all the expert knowledge there is of Cancer no one really knows.  I am in a Men’s Group at t.he local Hospice where we used to meet until this damn virus stopped us. We now meet on Zoom. One of the guy’s wives was given 6 months, she had two years.  The glass is half full mate. Carry on as normal as you can be. Make your plans for the future. There’s a load of help out there and this site is great. I have used it a couple of times to get views and support. Best Wishes

Hi Chaz81, I am sorry you feel like this , but at some time everyone on here has felt the same, I will quote an old cliche life is short, so make the most of it, we all take life for granted until we're told we have limited time left, why is that?? because we're human and we don't think about dying until we're told we are, then we go into panic mode and self destruction or was that just me? I was given 6-12 months back in March so if I take that as gospel I have a few months left but I can't let myself think like that, I'm thinking about going back to work in Dec, I'm thinking about my oncologist getting me trials next year, don't get me wrong I also think about the inevitable I'm only  human? well I think I am , so don't worry that you feel like s### and no get up and go, it will come, so at the moment just look forward to each day then xmas then new year then spring etc.

So stay positive and strong

xx

Hi,

tv man is so good at writing helpful things 

I found the diagnosis the hardest thing to come to terms with and I think it took me about a year.

life feels different now because the diagnosis is always there. I am lucky that even though I have a poor prognosis I feel well at the moment and can and do enjoy life. I find enjoyment in small things. I did ask for a timeline as that was my choice and I think it helps me try to enjoy every day I have more now.

lots of love 

Ruth 

Hi Chaz

A shame we have to meet this way but this forum is also a blessing in a very unique disguise...

This is where we incurables (we prefer incorrigibles...) all meet and share our worries and woes because not only are many of us like-minded individuals, but we also share very similar futures. 

Although in reality each of our futures can, and will, vary wildly, this is what we call, "The Sell-by Date"...

My own prognosis was 2-4 weeks without treatment and "Months but not years" with it. Seven months on and I have responded very well to palliative treatment. I have no idea how long I will live but I will enjoy every moment of what IS left and I will try to make sure that those around me enjoy it too.

One of our number coined a perspective that I have lived by since I read it, "You can die from cancer or you can LIVE with it!"

And the of course there is, "Plan for the future, LIVE for the moment". And for me, that's the nub of it - once I knew what was going to happen, it sharpened my resolve, I sorted out my life laundry, got all the grubby plans in place and now I don't have to worry about any of that, regardless of how long I have left and I still don't know...

So I live in the here and now with a weather eye on the (relatively near) future. I can come on here whenever I choose and know that there will be good news and occasionally bad, or I can vent my spleen at some perceived injustice or, or, or, or....

We also share our pleasures and pastimes & what's going one in our lives, so it's not all doom and gloom (see Three Good Things, tvman's gardening string, my own RT Itch & others...)

My point is that NONE of this is easy, but it is doable most especially when you can call on the vast experience and unending support of the many wonderful people within our little community.

We are all here for you...

Stay Strong

SiT

Hi  I recognise where you’re coming from, all thoughts initially. As others have stated I’ve started living day by day, unsure how long I’ve got, possibly years, I’ve arranged will putting other hygiene factors in place, then trying to live day by day.  Some days are easier than others, I’m recently discovering how much I can do before toppling over.  I hope you can move to a position of enjoying whatever relative health you have whilst you can. Xx

Hi Chaz81,

My advice for what it’s worth is don’t waste anymore time worrying about what ifs. Take it all one day at a time. I always used to tell myself if today’s been rubbish, then I will have a better day tomorrow. 
There are so many of us on here all with different stories, most started of on here with a feeling of despair, but as time passes so comes acceptance. That’s when you will begin to plan nice things to do, maybe initially only a day or two in advance but then you start planning a bit further ahead. It helps because you have something nice to look forward to. It sort of spurs you on further.

A lot of us go down the road of getting our affairs in order, wills, planning funerals etc. Then once all that is done we seem to make the most of whatever we want to do. It seems to work really well! 
On here you can say how you feel, happy, sad, even angry. It’s all ok. Someone will come along with a virtual hug or whatever it is you need right then and there. 
I will just add, that although you have had your diagnosis, and that was right on the day, things seem to move so fast in the medical field with new treatments coming along all the time that often the prognosis changes. Many on here were only given short shelf lives but many years later are still here and in good health. 
So no despair but plenty of hope!

love and hugs

Maggie xx