Last resort

Hi 

Oh I am so sorry to read that you are in the position you are. I know you have said that sympathy makes you worse but I feel I would have failed if I didn't sympathise with you. You say you are drowning, well from one person who was drowning in the sea at the age of 12 until a brave brave person dived in and rescued me, I truly felt alone at that time, my world was over too. Over the years I have returned the life saving by saving the lives of thtee people on separate occasions. Right place at right time.

 I'm not qualified in any way to say or advise the right thing so I ask you to phone the MacMillan support line for help, the number is

 0808 808 00 00. 

Good luck Pollyalison

Tvman xx

Oh Pollyalison i am sorry to see this thread.

Really i have no words that  may help, have you had a word with your nurse, is there some thing you would like to do.

I know you might not like this but the Hospice could help  with suggestions, they do so much for  people.

This is not said because you are going to have no more treatment

, they help from the start, though a lot of people do not realise this.

Have you spoke to your family, they might have some suggestions that  they come up with.

Have not seen you for a  long time, and turn on and see this.

Is there anything that you would like to do,

My hubby wanted to get into his garden some thing so simple, and he manged it.

My thoughts are with you, and i hope others come along with some advise, but i could not ignore your thread.

My Thoughts are With You Ellie xx

dear pollyalison

I understand about not wanting to waste time.  Is there anything you really want to do that is achievable right now?  could you set a little goal each week or few days? xx

Hi so sorry to hear your news take a bit of advice from all the people that have replied to you so far we are all here for you when ever you need us huge hugs and lots of love xxxx

Oh Pollyalison, I was so upset when I read your post. I did try to reply but don't know what happened to it but it didn't reach this page!

I agree with Ellie, I think you should ask your GP for a referral to your local Hospice, not because I think you are going anywhere soon but because they help you live life as best as you can. I attended my Hospice for almost four years and it wasn't at all what I was expecting! They have all sorts of classes, treatments, counselling etc. Honestly I don't think you are drowning but your on unfamiliar territory and that is always scary!

I wonder have you asked about possible Trials going on just now, if not, it's worth a shot, you've nothing to loose and everything to gain. I hope you are not in any pain but if you are, again the Hospice can help with that. I think as both TVman and myself know, being immobile is hard to come to terms with. Do you have an electric buggy or wheelchair so you can get out and about? If not why not treat yourself to one or better still, hire one for a bit and see if you like it. I'm sure your GP, Hospice or McMillan may be able to advise about that too.

Please don't give up, you know what they say " where there's Life there's Hope. At the moment you need information from the Professionals, so seek it out! We are all here for you so please let us know how you are doing and who you went to (apart from here) for help!

Hi , I have just read your post and wondering how you are 2 days on. tvman and anndanv both suggested a call to the Macmillan support line and I’m wondering if you did that. We all know a bit how you feel as I think any cancer diagnosis and when first told we are incurable is a bit of dry run for this next phase, and I’m sorry that you are entering that phase now. Through my head of course I’m thinking Daloni where are you when we need you, she would probably have some very wise things to say about making the most of life and about coming to terms with things making that easier. (I know she’s gone but using the past tense for her doesn’t sit right yet). 

I have always been a bit of a reader of practical things and when the tears have cleared you might want to have a look at the Macmillan end of life section to see if there is any help in their words.Heres the link https://www.macmillan.org.uk/cancer-information-and-support/treatment/if-you-have-an-advanced-cancer/end-of-life

I remember Mrs CJ a few years ago loved doing a memory box, nand I can imagine that this is a time when we think of how we will cope and how others will cope and perhaps of a sort of last Hooray, and sometimes when we haven’t had the strength to do things, thinking this will definitely be our last chance gives us that extra bit of strength to do something, or to think of the next best thing, a little bit like Annette (Anndanv) asking me to hit one of those tennis balls on her behalf.

I remember being really annoyed a few years ago that suddenly mid December my husband declared that he had to take a few days holiday or he’d loose it. I don’t often get angry but I was and blurted out that if he had used it sooner we could have done to the seaside as we hadn’t been for probably 18 months. I then upped and gave him an ultimatum that we were going to drive there in the next 20 mins. It was cold and windy, and the pier had a clock which is a water feature, we got sprayed by that and the sea as we sat, we had a nice fish and chip meal in the pier cafe and then drove home. I just had the strong desire to go there, it wasn’t necessarily sensible. I am sure you will have your own desires and things you want to do however big or small. A friend of mine a few years ago hit her point of no further treatment and had a short list of things she had never done and wanted to do, one of which was to have a Costa coffee. We were going to go for one when she took a turn for the worst,  but I went and purchased them to take away and brought them back to her home.

 I wish you well in finding your place of peace in the turmoil that you may be feeling right now.

Hi Pollyalison, I was just about to ask the question KT has just asked! I have been wondering if you have spoken to anyone or phoned anyone by now. I do hope so!  I hope you have spoken to your GP at least, to put you in touch with your local hospice. Whether or not you want end of life care at a hospice or at home, they give amazing support. As I said, they help you make the best of the time you have left, weeks, months or years!

KT It was great to see your post, I must add that your thoughts are similar to mine and yes, you are spot on, I just can't seem to be able to think of Daloni in the past tense either yet and to be honest, I  think it will take a while! She gave me the name of a book to read before my time came, she had read in a couple of years ago and said she didnt fully understand some parts of it but when she went into St Christopher's Hospice, it all of a sudden became clear and Daloni read it again, understanding it fully and recommended NOT to wait until the End of Life Care had been put in place!   The other thing that rang a bell KT was the trip to the seaside. My husband and I decided no matter what the weather is like later today (Friday) we will take a run to the seaside to blow away the cobwebs and take a picnic just in case places are closed. We are lucky it is less than 40 minutes to the seaside and less than 30 minutes tto Loch Lomond. We will decide which one to go to when we get up!  I will throw a stone in the water for you, since you are hitting a tennis ball for me!

• I wonder how everyone is doing! Anyone like me, been trying to pick myself up and dust myself off?

Hi Annette, a pebble in the water for me sounds really good, thank you. One question, what was the name of the book? 

Dearanndanv

Nice memories of Daloni- please skip a stone for me too!

Hugs to all,

Millie

Hi KT We had a lovely afternoon in Greenock.. It was a very wet morning but we had made up our mind to go  whatever the weather. We were very lucky as it dried up just before lunchtime, so we had our picnic lunch on a bench on the promenade! Then we walked along a bit (me in my buggy) then went down onto the beach (with my elbow crutches) to throw stones in the water. I did manage to get a couple to skim in and out the water quite a few times! Special ones for you and Millie of course. Then we went to the Esplanade Cafe for an ice cream and ate them on the prom too. We did get a few funny looks from people "power walking" along wearing their fleeces, hats, gloves and scarves but we didn't care, we had a lovely day.

The author oof the book is Kathryn Mannix and the title is "With the End in Mind" (How to Live & Die Well). I had actually started to look back the dozens of messages from Daloni to find it, Then Remembered, I bought the ebook for my Kindle, when she first mentioned it, before I forgot it. I warn you now, it is a difficult read and I am glad I took Daloni's advice to dip in and out of it, rather than read it like a normal book!

I hope everyone had a good day and enjoy an even better weekend!