Hi,
Firstly, thank you to everyone who has sent me messages of support on the lung cancer forum page and said they were here too :-)
For me one of the hardest things to come to terms with is the fact that I am losing the ability to speak. As anyone who has spent more than 5 minutes in my company previously would tell you, I could always talk the hind leg off a donkey, lol.
Now (as well as all the metastases in both lungs) there is a large tumour growing at the top of my left lung which is putting pressure on the vagus nerve that controls my vocal cords and that makes it difficult to actually force words out.
It makes me sound a lot worse than I otherwise feel. If I don't try and talk I can still potter around, climb a flight of stairs and look after myself. But not being able to talk is proving very hard to cope with, more so in some ways than knowing my death is hovering on the horizon.
I am bloody-minded and don't intend to go quietly into the long dark night - as long as I can maintain a good quality of life, I intend to hang on as long as possible and make the most of it. I only have one other family member left now, my older brother, and he is being very supportive despite living 75 miles away. I also have lots of good support locally from friends and neighbours which I value beyond words.
Now I have found this community here, I hope to be able to contribute to others in return for the support you have already shown to me.
Rant over - I just needed to get the words out of my head
Best wishes to all
Middlemoor
