I won't be offended if you don't want to reply, honestly! I just want to dump this somewhere.
CT scan last Tuesday. As always, a follow up appointment was booked for Friday and, as is the norm nowadays, it was by telephone. As I'm sure will be familiar to any of you reading this, sleep on Thursday night was impossible: I would have had an easier time getting hold of Boris Johnson's pin number - so alarm was set and I got up in plenty of time.
Onc. phoned at the right time - we had a few words about Tamoxifen side effects and then he announced that my last CT scan months ago showed everything was stable and so the best thing to do would be to send me for a CT scan! I told him I had had one just this week which was evidently news to him. He told me the results wouldn't be back for at least a fortnight.....a fortnight?! They always have the results within a couple of days! Whether this is because the CT scan was done in a portacabin in the car park instead of the actual hospital, I don't know but a fortnight's wait? So what did he think he was phoning me for?! Couldn't he see it in my notes? Is it even in my notes? He sounded surprised that I would be upset and stressed by the delay.
Don't they understand that these results are the thing we live for? That since Tuesday night neither me or my OH has thought about anything else? Now we have to wait another fortnight. I veer between angry, stressed, worried....whole range of emotions. I told him my nerves were on edge waiting for this results but it made no difference. I mean, I am 99.99% sure all is as it was - going by how I feel physically - but that's not the same as knowing, is it? I especially wanted to know for my OH's sake - he panics himself stupid over these things - for example: I only have to cough and he attacks me with the thermometer, convinced it's Covid; I smoke, so I cough a LOT - and we had agreed that if it was no change, he was going to try to stop worrying until the next CT scan.
He's already had one GORD attack (like an indigestion attack but times 100, for those who don't know) which I am convinced is through worrying - stress is a factor in GORD. - and I feel so guilty for putting him through this for another fortnight. 
I know it's not *my* fault and he tells me this all the time, but that doesn't help.
Ah well - thanks for reading, if you did! Dumping it here has made me feel a bit better - I can't dump it on my OH, bless him, so again I am grateful for the chance to dump it on people who understand - like he does - but who are not emotionally invested in me, like he is.
