Well hello my lovely people.
I’ve been trying to reply on the site, but as we all know it’s not working very well right now.
I’m so touched by all the messages you have been sending to me and I’m so sorry I haven’t replied individually. I re-read everything this morning at least twice and it’s been wonderful.
I think people have asked me for an update, so I’m going to do one.
I’m in Saint Christophers Hospice in London now. I was admitted for pain management and I have to say they have done a magnificent job. I’m not going to be going home from here. This is going to be where I end my life.
I’ve had a couple of interesting conversations with the nurses and the doctors. They can never give you a clear picture of your prognosis, we all know that. But my sense is that I’m becoming sicker each week and that I can expect to have a few weeks left now. I am free from pain. I’m free from any distressing symptoms. I’m in a kind of bubble where my physical needs are being met and also my mental and spiritual needs. You guys are really helping with that.
All the right decisions have been made regarding the future of my daughters. There is nothing outstanding. All I need to do now is let go. I have been fighting for so long that I find it incredibly hard.
The one outstanding thing is my funeral. I am planning that at the moment I will be having a small family cremation. Then later when there is covid lock down his open my family will organise a massive party in a field in Devon. So there won’t be any live streaming, sorry, just not me. But I’ll try to find a way to let you know when it is so that you can think of me. Maybe it’s an anomaly. I’ve been so public about everything I’ve experienced and gone through and now when it comes to a public event, I want to be private. I don’t know. It’s just how I feel and that’s what matters now. Also I don’t think my family would like it, and they really matter.
I’m going to carry on posting. This is not goodbye. Well it kind of is an opportunity to say goodbye just in case. But hopefully not. My love to each and everyone of you,
Daloni XXX
Dear Dear .
I had hoped that you would like the sunflowers.
In fact, all my neighborhood like them. A few of my dear neighbors are going to get a head of seeds to cook and eat or plant. The girls and I will package some non-cooked ones up for seed gifts for Christmas.
My back pain is just a pain in the back. Seems that my treatment is causing thinning of vertebrae which were no prizes to start with- osteoporosis runs in the family. Just got back my CT and there are no new vertebrae fractures and no lesions on the spine (which was my greatest fear). Just messed up vertebrae and disks. "My back is trash"- has a ring to it huh? Anyway, some nice drugs were given to me to help with the pain.
Waiting for a radiologist friend of mine to do a QCT strength measurement from the CT scan which will determine if I stay on treatment. If vertebrae strength is low then no mas. So, like I said -its just a big pain in the back. And I think some (like my primary care and my oncologist whom I both love) might think me a difficult patient. I think my good way forward will be to stop MCL treatment and manage the pain. We will see.
Still cannot lift more than 10 pounds it makes vigorous gardening difficult but not impossible- luckily I have raised beds like tvman2. Waiting to see tvman's poly tunnel, so I can copy him.....
We did put up nice lights on the patio (posted on gardening 2020) that makes the outside sparkle at night when the family comes over for dinner at appropriate distance.
My dear, I'll go for now, just wanted you to know all is OK with treatment and managing the pain is working, I think of you often. Below is a geography quiz. What part of the world are you looking at?? That might keep you busy for a minute!
With Hugs and Love
Millie
