Trying to ease family pain

Hi,

welcome to the group.

Not sure what advice I can give you.

i have brain secondaries discovered in October 2019. I asked for the prognosis and was told 2 years. Here we are 6 months later.

i have sorted my finances and rewritten my will to give my children a lump sum Each when I die so They don’t have to worry about tax.

othe wise I just carry on living with cancer with some good and some bad days but at the moment I can still do most things. Being lockdown I live quietly with my husband. I take the dog out every morning. I bake I garden I watch Netflix and play the piano and guitar.

i speak to my grown up children every day on FaceTime and my sister I message every day and chat once a week she is in America.

i have regular telephone consultations with my oncologist and have a MRI and CT scan on the 25th.

life just goes on. I keep my children and husband informed of any changes in my health we are planning to go to Greece together in September not sure if it will happen.

good to have something to look forward to.  Emotionally it is tough and I do not talk about death. I did tell them I changed my will and sent them a copy each. I feel I have their support and they will all be here for me 

I am 67 and glad I have had a good life 

love xxx

Hi Welcome to the group but sorry to meet you here! The first thing I'd like to say is that no one knows when we are going to die. Not even the professionals. There are quite a few of us here who are well passed the sell by date we were given, so don't focus too much on dates. Just take each day as it comes and make the most of it! Regarding family, every family is different depending on age etc. My family consists of my husband, 2 adult children, their spouses and 3 grandchildren. I have done 3 seaside Crossstitch pictures, one for each of our grandchildren for their bedrooms. They are 8x10. I've also given Power of Attorney for Health and finance to my husband, son and daughter. Right at the start I promised them I would keep them informed, every step of the way so there was no need for them to worry about anything and to just ask me if they had any questions,

Since then we have been making lovely memories together and I know when I die, there will be no regrets as nothing will go unsaid! I know others have made Memory Boxes, photo albums etc, so it is a case of what "you" want to do. Like ruthjp I never talk about dying as I'm too busy living. We had booked a holiday for end of June for us all but of course it cannot now go ahead. We decided not to take a refund but to transfer it to next year. I have made my husband promise that if anything happens and I'm not here then everyone else still have to go. I am assuming I will make it though. It is good to have something positive to look forward to! Good luck and I'm sure others will reply soon with other ideas for you! Good luck. Please let us know what you decide to do!

Hi

Welcome to the community although I’m sorry you qualify to join. Like Annette says, it’s easy to focus on sell by dates but there are lots of us here who have had success with new drugs and trials and find ourselves almost apologising for still being here. My mortgage insurance paid out in 2016 on the basis that I had less than 12 months to live....

If I understand you right, it’s the emotional stuff you are struggling with? I think you’re quite right. We can’t take away other people’s pain however much we’d like to. But I think we can help. 

My main concern is my two daughters who are 16 and 19. We have stopped talking about “making memories” because we find it mawkish. As my big girl says, we are all making memories all the time. Why don’t we just have a nice time? So that is what we have done. We have been on holidays, to the theatre, to gigs. We take lots of photos and keep tickets and I have been sticking these into big scrap books that will be a record of our lives these last few years. They are getting very full. Even now we look through them from time to time and talk about the lovely times we have had. 

So in all honesty, I would try to get away from thinking about darkest days. Right here, right now you are well and feeling fine. I’d focus on that - on living with this cancer and having the best time you can in each day as it comes. That’s a great legacy to leave 

xx

Dear ,

 So sorry that you have joined our group, but hopefully you will come to love and laugh with us. In a way I am grateful that I know I will not live to 98 since by that time I would have probably  lost my senses and would be a long term burden, and  I know to be kind to all and help when I can. So no regrets, live life fully, I tell people I love them, I tell funny stories and hugs to all. I have completed financial arrangements so there is little work for them to worry about.

The real tragedy would be to die without warning, without living, without saying how you feel and how you love. ITthelps me concentrate more on my real friends and special family. And things that are important In an odd way, it is a gift to be warned.

hugs,

Millie