This is a sort of follow on from the thread about being described as brave.
I've got the opposite from my sister, who has recently sent me text messages and left me an answerphone message saying what a throughly nasty person I am, how she doesn't care about me in the slightest, how I think no one has ever been more unfortunate than me, how I tell people about my cancer when I shouldn't burden them etc.
Life has been very stressful for us as a family during the past 2 years. My father had a series of health issues over years eventually very disabled by s stroke, and dying unexpectedly last June (the day after discharged "recovered" from hospital). My mother has had several life threatening events during the course of lewy body dementia and is now immobile with parkinsonism. She has defied medical expectation, and ours, that she is still alive. My brother (who lives in USA so hasn't been involved in practical support for our parents) was diagnosed with prostate cancer and basal cell carcinoma in the past 18 months. Nearly 2 years ago I was incidentally diagnosed with stage 2 myeloma, a treatable but incurable blood cancer. I had a stem cell transplant on the same day as my brother had prostate surgery. Five months later I was told that I had thyroid cancer following a demi thyroidectomy (although subsequently I've been told that it wasn't a true cancer).
My sister and I had jointly given our parents a great deal of support over the past 7 years. They moved to live near me when travelling to them became very burdensome for both of us, who lived 2 1/2 hours drive away in opposite directions. Unfortunately I was diagnosed less than 2 years later and my poor immune system & treatment limited how much I could do for my parents, leaving my sister to travel long distances regularly to support them.
I was so shocked to get these vile messages from my sister, it feels utterly contemptuous, like a physical assault. She was a physiotherapist so has some medical knowledge so I had thought she'd have some understanding of what I've been through. Instead she has twisted manipulated things I've told her & I feel she has exploited my vulnerabilities. She had always insisted the myeloma will not be life limiting, on the basis that one of her husband's acquaintances has had myeloma for 18 years, despite my first haematologist saying she's be seeing me for 3 to 4 years, and my current one telling my former employer my life expectancy was around 7 years. At the time I thought my sister was trying to give me hope, now it feels she has always been denying my reality.
My mother has a 24 hour carer who had told me that my sister has been hysterically upset, frequently crying to her, and to her colleagues who give her respite, running down my brother and myself. I know my sister has felt pulled between her responsibilities for her husband & young adult children and our parents and I tried to remember always to thank her for what she was doing. She wouldn't hand back tasks I could resume doing, such as shopping, and would spend time writing (justifiable) complaints when I felt we should just let things go.
My brother will not read her messages sent to me (& not responded to) as he wants to maintain relationships with both of us, I think believing that this will blow over in time. In practice this means I feel at some level he agrees with her, so I feel inhibited about telling him whato Is going on for me (eg to see spinal consultant) so although we talk regularly, it's empty, "I'm fine". So it feels like my sister has taken his support, as well as her own.
I know what my sister has said isn't true, that it is spiteful and was designed to be hurtful. I'm trying not to dwell on it, but just wanted to tell peoplel who would understand how I might be feeling. My husband is able to compartmentalize things and feels I should just forget it.
