Coping

Hello Devon cat

I am  so sorry that you find yourself here. Do you have a Macmillan nurse? Have you been offered counselling? It's difficult just now without any face to face appointments. My first call was to Macmillan and they were very helpful. Everyone on this forum is incredibly supportive, and I am sure you will find some comfort.

Take care xx

Hi Devon cat, so sorry you had to join us but welcome anyway! I’m a wee bit similar to you in that I was given a small number of months to a year last July, although I am currently just starting a new trial so am sort of having treatment after a 3 month gap.

because my prognosis was poor my hospital contacted my gp, and my palliative care service - they have been fantastic and sorted out counselling, pain relief and are also there for family when they struggled to cope.  I would recommend you speak to your GP, even with all the Covid stuff going on, you should be their priority right now. I also have a local hospice, who are amazing, although they are shut to outpatients right now. It’s hard to think about palliative care and hospices etc I know but I cannot recommend them enough and they have made a huge difference to my life, so hopefully you have something similar in your area.

i hope you are doing ok, it’s hard to get these diagnosis, with Covid in the background but this is a very supportive group, and you are not alone.

sending you a big hug, heather x

Hi Welcome to the group no one wants to join but I hope in time, you'll  be glad you did. This is exactly the place to come to get things off your chest! Please remember no one can predict how long you have. There anr new drugs coming on the market all the time! I, like a lot of others here, are well past my sell by date. I don't think your partner is being fair to you, putting all that pressure on you by saying he'll kill himself! It sounds pretty selfish to me but some people just don't know how to cope!  I agree, counselling is a good idea! Even if it turns out to be a video call with you, your partner and a counsellor. Also the MacMillan Helpline is great too.

At the beginning of this roller coaster ride, it is very scary but then you get more used to it and things fall into place a bit better. Never give up! Where there's life there's Hope. You never know, your oncologist may come up with a suitable Trial for you! In the meantime, we are all here to help!

Thank you for taking the time to answer me stay safe x

Thank you so much your words are golden, I know my partner doesn't mean to say these things he's just hurting, some times I push him to tell me his thoughts, he's a good man honest just scared, once again thank you x

I was diagnosed with the extremely rare and incurable Merkel Cell Carcinoma in October last year and given 5 months.  As soon as I got home from receiving this devastating news, I was contacted by the local Hospice ! Well I am still here !

Do not accept that 'incurable' means 'untreatable'. I did a lot of research and discovered that there were other treatments out there beyond the norm. Each cancer and indeed each patient is different. But, hopefully, there will be some 'life extending' treatment you can insist on. I am on a course of Immunotherapy which has worked wonders. Don't just accept what you are told, research and see what might possibly work for you. 

We are all frightened and it is a daily struggle to overcome the reality. I distanced myself from the outside world for the same reason as you. Its only now this virus has hit us that I realise what I was missing out on......I sneak out at 5.30am to take my dog to the beach!

Fight on and enjoy each day.....no one else can do that for you now. xxxxxxx

Hi, I have done some research,I'm waiting for a call back next week from a private doctor to see if there are any treatments that I'm not being offered, although at present I'm not being offered anything so something would be a bonus, I can't thank everyone enough just putting my thoughts down to others in the same boat makes a big difference, xx

Hi thank to everyone for all your help, I have researched I'm awaiting a call from a private doctor next week, hopefully with some good news about some sort of treatment, it's gotta be better than no treatment which is what is happening now, it's been nice to get things off my chest with people who actually understand, thank you so very much xx

Thank you heather, just trying to come to terms with everything, sorry if I've already replied to you I'm just getting used to using this site, so I apologise to everyone if I haven't replied or sent you more than 1 txt xx 

Hey there

Welcome to the forum and group, though I'm sorry you need to be here!

First off, your partner needs a good shake! It really doesn't matter how good of a man he is, or how scared he is, nor how much you push for his thoughts. He should absolutely not be threatening suicide to you, even if that's how he feels. He can unload that on his own friends or family, or to The Samaritans - which I recommend he calls to talk things through, out of your earshot - or here on Macmillan in the friends and family group, or to the Macmillan helpline, or if he can find counselling to them. But not to you when there is absolutely nothing you can do to change the current situation you find yourselves in. It's just cruel. You have enough going on at the moment to deal with and you don't need added guilt from him.

I'd definitely echo the others sentiments by looking for a second opinion, and looking to see if there are any treatments or trials that you can get onto. And asking to be referred to your local hospice could offer you and your partner some counselling and help that you're not getting at the moment. They offer so much more than most people think they do.

I'd also say, don't distance yourself from the world. You're not dead yet, and even in a stupid pandemic there's a lot of joy and beauty to be had from the world. What hobbies or interests do you have? Do you bake, or garden? Read? Cook? Craft? Something else?

I hope today finds you a little more positive, and know we're always here for you - just shout!

Lass

xx