Difficult decisions

 I'm so sorry to hear this.

It would be devestating at any time but particularly in the middle of these distressing circumstances. Not being able to spend time with your mom and brother right now is a major blow.

Although it's very hard to hear there are several members of this group who have been in long term palliative care, sometimes for several years. Things may not be as bleak as they appear. I hope your Consultant will be able to find a way forward for you that will keep you as well as possible for as long as possible.

You and your family are in my thoughts, sending love and best wishes

xx

So sorry to hear your news  , and that it comes at this crap time when you can't be with your mother and brother. Life seems especially cruel just now.

I hope the new chemo drug helps. 

Dear Hazel I'm so sorry to read the latest news from your oncologist! It's good that you have been given the option of trying the chemo drug! Let's hope this is just the drug for you! Am I right in saying you were hoping to be able to carry on with the chemo you started last week? If so then I'm glad you have been given that chance.

The worst thing is having to tell your family and at the moment this is even more difficult, of course FaceTime and phone calls aren't enough, you need a big hug from them both and for them to tell you everything is going to be alright! I'm so sorry you can't have that time but at least you have your husband and daughter by your side. You also have all of us here to share how you feel. We tend not to say too much to our loved ones because we can see how they are hurting too. However with this Group of friends, you can talk to someone any time. I will keep you in my thoughts and add you to my prayer list. For now, I'd like to send you a very large virtual (((HUG))) please close your eyes and you may feel it! We are all routing for you!

Hi hazel54 so sorry to hear your terrible news, awful to hear at any point but even worse at the moment when things are so hard. There are no words that will help but I just wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and I hope you and your family are managing to cope with this news.

for family not in your household, I am in a similar boat to you (tumours in liver and everywhere else).  I went to see my niece and brother and sister in law last week, to say goodbye really, we kept 2m apart but it helped to see them in person, I don’t know if that might be possible for you. I know it was breaking the rules but I wanted to see them again.

i hope the chemo holds things at bay and the side effects not too bad, sending you all my love, heather xxxx

Hi Hazel

I'm so sorry to read about your position. If it's of any crumb of comfort that I can give you, just as Tinalay says, there are some in this group who are 3, 4 or 5 years past their sell by date as we say. As for people who are worse that us, we are all in the same group of incurable cancers. There are unfortunately some who are going through vicious Chemo and my goodness I thank my lucky stars that I'm not in that group, but then again I've been neutropenic a couple of times and if I'd picked up a virus it could have been a quick exit for me. 

I hope your chemo works for you or at least slows down your rate or possibly halts it if you're really lucky. 

This group is for sharing feelings and comforting, no one is going to criticise any choice you make, we'll back you all the way. 

I'm sure you wish your mum and brother were with you, do they live far away. I don't know if there's anything about getting together given the circumstances. I'm self isolating, along with my wife and son, I have a shielding letter but I don't want people to come here, my brother in law, my wife's brother, lives just 150 yards away and I can't risk him bringing the virus in. I know that's not the same as you not being able to be in the same physical room as your mum and brother. Can that be arranged? 

I hope you work something out and your chemo works. Keep in touch, yeah?

Tvman x

Dear Hazel 54

This is such a difficult time. I am sure you will find comfort here, this is a safe space. 

Take care, there is always someone here xx

Hi

I read your post a few days ago and didn’t know what to write then. I hoped something would inspire me in the meantime. It didn’t. I still don’t know what to say. 

In a selfish mode, your situation is one I’ve just narrowly escaped from by getting on a clinical trial that’s seen my marker drop  from over 4000 to 1600 after three cycles. I had been having the “get your affairs in order” chat with my oncologist over the autumn but hadn’t quite reached the difficult decision chat. My docs reckon there’s still some gas in the chemo tank. 

So as I read your post it feels rather like glimpsing into my future. And it’s terrifying. So then I think, if I’m terrified, what must Hazel and family be going through? I can only imagine. 

The only thing I can offer is my virtual shoulder to lean on. 

lots of love and a big hug xxxx

Hi Hazel 

I am just about on the same page only further chemo is off the menu partly because of the virus which was hard to accept but more likely due to the fact it is not going to work. 

Hospice nurse came out last week and I was in such a bad place with my breathing I was thinking this is it. She however has been the best thing I've encountered in the NHS system (this group is the best overall). I actually feel better this week and knowing she is there to help and I don't have to chase everything myself has given me and my husband time to get our heads round things and to talk to my children. 

Even with no treatment there is still no timescale being given and as many have said sell by dates seem to come and go. All we can do is make the most of what we can and accept that this lockdown is going to affect us along with everyone else. 

My heart goes out to you and your daughter and I hope you will find some peace with what is happening and you can talk openly together. 

Hi   I was so relieved to read your post that the nurse who visited from the hospice has made a difference to how you are feeling! I was hoping this would happen. Now you and your husband know there is someone fighting in your corner, you can contact at any time if you are worried about anything, this can make such a difference!

How are you doing? You are in my thoughts!