Feeling depressed and lonely

Hello Janet500                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                     I read your post and i could not believe how much i identified with it, everything you are saying is exactly how i feel.I have been phoning departments all day to try and find answers to my problems and i have cried, cried, and cried. i am fed up now my eyes are sore.My family and friends are worried about my state of mind and to be honest so am i, I have come to terms well sort of with my illness and it being incurable,but they keep moving the goal posts and i can not keep up,the self isolation does not bother me i can put up with that. Its the fact i dont have forever left and my time is important to me and i have NO CONTROL over my treatment at all. I am at their mercy, I dont know how to cope either x

Hj Wino its difficult and almost unbearable and I am so scared we are going to be dumped because they will tell us ;"for us is your life worthless because you are incurable so you have to sacrifice".

Well why should be sacrificed.I got yeaterday that letter from the nhs and I dumped it in to a bin.I know how to look after myself and also husband knows what to do.I dont like to be patronized.Also had to call my GP I was crying on the phone so she prescribed antidepressants.I hate take pills but If this helps me to get a bit "numb" or "out of reality" let it me.,

every morning I am thinking whats going to happen and I am having dreams that my tumors in my lungs will grow back again.And they will explode inside.

Sorry for the horror story from a positive person I have changed to a really depressed one.

I decided yesterday not to read anything or call anyone about what may or may not happen. Once I had voiced my fears to boyfriend I felt better. He's only going out when necessary for food and taking the necessary precautions

The house reeks of disinfectant. Keep safe everyone xx

HELLO flowerlady you might be right regarding the reading

I will try to stop too.Its making.me worse

Take care

Hi friends

I'm dismayed by what I'm reading, I have heard that some chemo is being suspended and that has me dismayed also. Is it true that if you fall ill then your treatment will resume? 

I hope that we're close to getting the number of cases of Corona virus to peak and then to fall. Of the 250,000 volunteers appealed for to help to reduce the number of NHS staff needed to wipe beds down etc, almost 200,000 so far in less than 24 hours have responded. That will help to release many staff to deal with cancer patients on the front line and also Corona virus and suspected Corona virus cases.

If it's of any help, I'm with you in spirit, I wish I were there in person to show you that I care. I do care, I hope you know that. Please please be careful and don't put yourself at risk and don't give up. Keep fighting, and if you are not able to, ask a family member to keep fighting for your right to treatment.

I send my love to you and lots of virtual hugs also.

Tvman xx

You sound angry which is a perfectly normal reaction to grief and shock, and that's what this is. This virus is the biggest threat most of us have had to face in our lifetimes, it cannot be underestimated.

I would rather get a letter giving me clear advice on how to look after myself and the community because it helps to keep things simple and crystal clear. My mind can easily start racing and worrying about everthing at once. Also, while you and your husband may not need these guidelines it's obvious that many, many other people do.

Good to hear you've spoken to your GP, that's a positive step and I hope the medication will help, although it takes time. Don't forget about the helpline.

I was very lucky to have a scan on Fri, I was half expecting it to be cancelled. I'm on palliative weekly chemo, (group 6 in the NICE guidelines) so obviously the implications of the scan results are bigger than ever.

I also had chemo yesterday and the nurses were keen to ask us how we were feeling. I asked them how they were coping and one of them said she'd rather not be there. She's the only one in her family who isn't able to work from home and her young children hate it. They're terrified.

She said "at what time do I put them first?"  My instinct would be to say go home to your children.

I'm a former intensive care nurse and I also know from hearing from others in the forum that I'm in the extremely fortunate position of having an excellent Oncology team. I CANNOT  imagine what it's like to being dealing with all of this without any trust in the NHS.

Without that trust there's nothing I can say to make you feel better. I'm thinking of you and so sorry xx

HI Tinalay cancer patients shoudlnt be categorized its sounds like somebody will have more rights to treatment and somebody not

For me ia like they are writing people off.All cancer patients should carry on with treatment.As I know my nasty oncologist she will ring me 1 day before my appt with her is due and I bet ahe will tell me to write my last will and get the coffin ready.This is my onco team

Have no trust in them since start I am just like donkey do what they say but this time i am not going to be quiet.They dont know how we are feeling and that they will cause more deaths by delaying or camcelling treatments.

So far i didnt get any phone call but this stress and crying is destroying me.If they cancel my treatment i just go back to work full time even i have painful arm and  I am so called "vulnerable:.Honestly I dont like to be called like this.

I am so sorry i didnt mean to offend anybody but i am full of emotions.

I hope this NHS people wont come in to my house to checking on me.

Of course you have every right to your feelings about this.

I don't share them, but we are not the same, are not in the same position and have not had the same experiences as each other.

I'm 62. Without gamma knife surgery to brain and skull tumours 2 years ago my prognosis was 3 months. With the treatment and hormone therapy it improved. When the cancer progressed to my liver I started oral chemo with a terminal diagnosis, and despite treatment it has progressed to my lungs and I've had 2 hospital admissions with pneumonia in the last 6 months.

If the NHS becomes overwhelmed in the coming weeks by this crisis then services will have to be prioritised. I already have a DNR in place as I have widespread bone mets in my ribs, sternum and spine so CPR is not an option.

There are younger, fitter people amongst us who in these unpreceented circumstances I believe should get priority over me. I'm lucky to have been given so much expensive treatment and resources so far but it's not a bottomless pit. I have no right to expect the people on the front line to continue to put themselves at risk at great cost to their families.

I'm doing surprising well, have a great deal to live for and hope against hope to be able to carry on for as long as possible, I'm not offering to stand down.

Much of the grief and shock from the early days has been stirred up, but I've had an extra 2 years already and am so, so thankful for that.

But that's me. And that's it from me, no offence taken and I hope none given.

xx

I am also going nuts waiting for the latest CT scan to be reviewed by the lung team to see if I am suitable for non curative surgery. So far no one is replying to my emails asking when they might get back to me with an answer so I am also tearful and my heart leaps whenever the phone goes.

Having said that I have also had a conversation with my family where I stated my wishes if I am not offered treatment where others are. I trust the Drs to prioritise treatment to those most in need. If I get the virus and there was one ventilator and they gave it to a non cancer sufferer instead of me then we would have to deal with it. It is an awful position for the doctors to be put in and I am glad it is not me deciding. There are some situations that we can control and others where there is no control and learning to accept that is one of the hardest tasks I have had.

Nicky Nosher

As as self confessed control freak I totally agree that letting go of the things we can't control is a hard but invaluable lesson.

I was hoping to have a port-a-cath inserted for bloods & chemo, but as it's classed as a surgical procedure it's not possible at the moment.

  has just posted  "there is no cure for hope" on another thread. That's my new mantra.

best of luck, the waiting is the worst bit.

xx