Brotherly love and addiction

Well done, tvman both for going to the addiction centre and for talking about it on here. I think its brilliant that you have taken the bull by the horns and are addressing the problem. I tried for more years than I care to remember to get my husband to do that. And you appear to have made the decision on your own. Good for you.

Would I be right in thinking that you are telling us so we act as a disincentive to backsliding? Or will you get that support locally? Whatever your reason, thank you for trusting us. If we can help in any way, you know we will. I hope it goes well. 

As for the dementia, when I had an "episode" requiring hospital admission recently, they checked my cognitive function by asking if I knew the dates of the second world war, and the names of a couple of European capital cities. I graduated in West European Studies, so, em,  yeah. 

Good luck with both issues.

I have just read your post and wanted to congratulate you on being brave and bringing another often taboo topic to the group.

As you know I am allergic to alcohol so on an individual level I can not pretend to understand any benefits it brings. However I am from a family of hard drinkers and they all have different patterns of drink and levels of dependency. 

My sister in law, who was bed ridden from her early 40's due to illness used to have a taxi firm bringing her drink when my brother went to work and he never knew about it for years. 

I also had to have a difficult conversation with my son yesterday as depression over not being able to find a job is pushing him towards drink. 

We all have addictions it is just that some are less harmful and more socially acceptable than others. Let's face it having Cancer and no hope of a cure does give mitigating circumstances. 

You are doing ther thing asking for help and I hope you get all the support you need. 

I will be thinking and praying for you and hope you are soon at peace with a level you feel is right for you. 

I actually feel very proud of you. 

Hi

Thank you very much for your support. Why did I enlighten people here? I have been a member of the group for a couple of years at least and I know how powerful support in our group can be. My decision to bring it out in the open is an attempt to harness the support of people who I have come to recognise their friendship. I welcome the support of yourself and so many others who have come out and posted such supportive messages and to recognise that support and trust, I want to succeed all the more.

In my private life, until yesterday my wife was the only one who knew that I had sought help. Yesterday I travelled to my best mate's house and during the course of our chat, I let him know. He was non committal, I think he may be of a similar persuasion. I haven't seen him for a few weeks because I was so ill, so we had a lot to talk about. 

As for my wife, she is behind me as I would be behind her if she were in the same situation. So here's hoping that I can cut my alcohol intake dramatically.

So thanks very much AP, your trust and support is immensely welcome. 

Tvman xx

Hi TV man

Thank's for opening up, i am sure other's will do the same at some later date, we all have things that we keep to our selves, thinking people might judge us, at times we are surprised it is not that the response we get.

Take Care Ellie xx

"You Never Walk A Lone"

Hi

Thank you for your kind words and support. I hope your son can find a job soon. I'm sure he's worried about you too but I'd guess that he's drinking through boredom, that's really what my problem is, sitting around all day. 

If I drink, I become a dreamer, thinking of the wonderful things I can do or make but when I start, the pain kicks in and I will never get away from that. I can get outside for a while these days, I can do a little weeding, remove the ivy from the trees, tidy up strawberry plants. It's great to get out into the fresh air, encouraged by my wife. If I wrap up well I can get my crutches and wander among my willow trees. My legacy!

Strange, but because I'm self isolating along with my wife and son, I have someone to talk to. My son goes to work but is not working closely with anyone and he is aware that he can't bring anything in. My wife works in a school, but before the decision came to close the schools, she had been asked to remain at home by the principal, he knows about my health, I've met him a few times when I helped the school with some vegetable growing so he hasn't forgotten about me.

Maz, I have to thank you for your thoughts and prayers and when I read your last line of your post, it brought a tear to my eyes. Thanks again.

Tvman

You have been so kind and given so much encouragement and insight over the years I will never be able to thank you enough. 

I am sure over the next few months I will be relying on your support and that of the community here on the incurables even more. 

As you can imagine I did not sleep last night. 

One of the things niggling me is my son. 

He married young when he was at university and they moved south as he was at Cambridge doing his PhD while she did Charter Librarian studies. At that time they had it all mapped out he was destined for great things and she wanted to nest build and have children with possibly some work thrown in. My son however got quite seriously ill 6 months from graduation and the dreams were replaced by nightmares. 

No work for him, no prospect of children and she had to seriously look for work. 

Although I admire that they are still together as a mother I can see a highly controlled situation where knowingly or not he is being made to think that she is providing the money so he has to do exactly what she wants and has no say in anything. I would say that via myself he has contributed considerably. Probably far too much in the circumstances. 

I am really worried about what will happen when I am gone. I know whatever I leave he will share with her while she continues to build her own savings which he has no access to. It will not be a massive amount but not trivial either. I thought about leaving him half and getting my husband to look after the other half but that seems unfair as I would never do that with his sister. Also it is unfair to Pat also I have always been the only person that can read my son. 

Part of me feels that I need to try and make him aware of what is clearly visible to others but I know if I appear critical at all he will pull away from me. 

Another part says I have to let it be and just hope for the best then at least the time I have left we will be close. 

I am probably just over thinking things and perhaps it takes a control freak to spot another. 

I have some past work colleagues visiting me today so that will lift my spirits. 

Take care and keep dodging those bugs.