Lonely

Hi Deni81 I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis.I am 42 i was diagnosed last year in May with breast cancer recurrence with lung mets.I am having weekly chemo since August.First i was all positive and having scans the tumors are shrinking still.I tought even I will be cured but now I am getting fed up with the chemo.Also I wanted to do it long as possible but now I am really fed up.Iam off sick from work since August.I am working as a Senior care assistant and missing my friends and residents so much.I am not willing to give up my job so thinking to stop chemo in May and go back with phased return to work.I just sit at home doing nothing waiting for my hubby come home.This is no life for me.Also the money from universal credit is rubbish they dont help people at all.Mentally I cant cope anymore just to have treatment and sit at home.

Hi there please stay in this group it is an absolute lifeline for putting your feelings out there I have been saved many times on here I know how lonely and isolated you can feel as I live on my own and it's very frightening to be in this situation but this group is fantastic they listen to you and when you get that Bing Bing sound that someone has bothered to answer to you it's fantastic that's when you know you are not alone so important to know I would like to know more about you it would be great if you could set your profile up keep strong and positive loads of love and supportxxx

Hi ,

Sorry that you have had to join us here but you are very welcome.  My experience was very different as I continued working for a few years before it all became a bit much for me both emotionally and physically.  I was off for about six months before applying for early retirement on medical grounds.

Can I ask if you have talked to anyone like Macmillan regarding your options.  It is worth doing so before you make any decisions.  Just ring the helpline 0808 808 0000 between 8am and 8pm, they are really supportive and very helpful.

Because of the way I left work my employers encouraged me to call in at the office whilst I was on sick leave so that it would not be a big change when I returned.  That way I continued to see my colleagues.  I would usually arrange to call in before lunch and would either join them for lunch in the staff room or go out for lunch with them.  After I left I still called in at work occasionally and am still invited to social events although not as often.  I also meet one ex colleague for lunch every couple of weeks.

I live with my wife and son but if I'm not careful I can end up staying in the house and seeing only them.  I try to get out every day.  If I have nothing I need to do I will go to a local cafe where I know the staff and can just watch the world go past, in fact I'm there now watching the torrential rain outside.

I also joined a couple of things, a choir and a tai chi class.  They get me mixing with other people, give me a sense of achievement and I have something to look forward to.  I also joined this group and have developed some real friendships here.

I don't know what your interests are but now is an opportunity to try a few out without work getting in your way although I'm sure your treatment will do it's best.

A lot of us also stop planning treats but it is really important to have things to look forward to and these things can also help you to reconnect as a family.  Long walks might be out but cinema nights, shows or music events could still be doable.

I found the physical adjustments were easier to deal with as they were quite cut and dried.  The emotional adjustments i found much harder.  My mood would change, what was a problem one day I could ignore the next.  It was much harder to identify what was causing me to be this way.  With the physical you take a medicine, have an operation or adjust to living with the change.  With the emotional it is about a bit of pampering yourself, a bit of distraction, a bit about caring for others, a bit of eating and resting well, achieving something and feeling proud and a myriad of other factors.  No one thing will make you feel better but each little bit that you add can help.

Take your time and don't overdo things but take it slow and steady and you will find your new you.

Wishing you all the best,

Gragon xx

Thanks for reaching out to me, seems in some ways we are in same boat. When i had cancer the 1st tim i was a manager of a childcare setting. Whilst i off on sick leave my bosses replaced me and then fired me. I went through montjs of meetings with them and it eventually was going to court however they decided to settle a week before.

I have managed get myself another job working witj adults with severe men health issues. I love my job. In December i rang zhem to say put me on rota ill be back middle jan. My boss seemed very happy telling me she couldn't wait ive been missed. That really cheered me up however shr then said i need a back to work meeting to assess me and she would get back to me with a date i felt fine about however that was December we now in February and ive heard nothing. I hear from few colleagues who say zhey want me back and tell me the boss has said she definitely going to call me yet she never has.i think that is not doing my mental state any good as it takes me back to what previous employer did.

Still im trying move forward im planning my wedding which is in May so hopefully as it gets closer that will take alot of time and keep me busy i hope

As for your chemo,  Janet500 its a long hard road and chemo is a bitch (excuse my language ) but its  so worth it. Stay strong and stay with it, see t scan says hopefully it say its shrank some 

Hi I had two very different experiences with work and unfortunately it all seems to depend on who your manager is. My first manager was amazing I was.supported and only needed a short while off work for chemo etc. They kept in touch with me and even arranged a night away when I got my first good scan results. The next manager however saw cancer as a weakness and it did not help that she was not good at her job either so she saw people as rivals. Working under her was a nightmare and I was.rather pushed to take ill health retirement. My colleagues however have been great and still include me in everything, this really annoyed.her but now she has left. 

It has not been easy as I was still doing a good job and loved it but I realise now I was picking up too many infections and not giving drugs a chance to work. Also my ex colleagues use me as a sounding board and I am even doing some unofficial training which I love. 

There is also the financial side to think about and I was rather naive about that I have to admit. 

I do hope things turn out well for you and you.are able to work and get the time you need to heal and get treatment. 

Good luck 

Dear

congratulations on your forthcoming wedding in May, I’m very excited for you. I know modern weddings are a time consuming event so I think you will have lots to keep you busy. We love to hear about happy events here in the incurables so make sure you keep us up to date with your preparations so we can throw some virtual confetti on the big day.

as for your work situation, if you think things are dragging on it’s important to be proactive, find out what your legal rights are. I have a friend who had a back to work meeting, it was to discuss whether a staggered return was necessary or were lighter duties needed and as with all things administrative it can take a while to line up all the people needed to make a decision, so try not to worry too much.

i agree about the chemotherapy, I did 8 cycles of doxorubicin and towards the end I’d had enough, in retrospect it was the sheer boredom of doing it that bothered me the most, I learnt from that experience and when I had to do it again I made sure I had things to look forward to so as to balance my life better, otherwise it becomes overwhelming.