Lonely

Hi

Welcome to the group Deni although we'd both have preferred to meet elsewhere. 

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been diagnosed with cancer for the second time. Where is your cancer and is it the same place as the first time?

Cancer not only affects the person diagnosed, but it has also an effect on your family and friends. It's early days, emotions run high and the dust will take a while to settle. Long time friends sometimes don't know what to say, how to approach you and Deni, you may have to approach friends or relatives to break down any barriers. 

Don't worry too much, no matter what happens in your private life, you have come to the right place for help and friendship. I have made many many good friends here and I can talk to them about anything and I know I will have support. 

Keep in touch, Deni, and hopefully in the near future you will let us know that you are getting some sort of normality back in your life. 

As for work, if you feel you are ready to go back, then do so, the social side can be of assistance, but I'm not sure you are. Maybe you can do lighter tasks or reduced hours.

Take care Deni and we'll speak again soon.

Tvman

Hello Deni81

It takes time to adjust to having a different routine, everything seems to go on around you, whilst you wonder what are you supposed to do now? I know what you mean about work. It can be isolating being without a purpose. Have you got good backup from friends and family? Have you been offered counselling? Are you still doing things you enjoy?

There are many wonderful people on here. I hope you find some comfort

Take care xx

Hi Deni, sorry to hear you are feeling low. You say treatment has stopped after 1st round of chemo, which was horrible. Are there plans for a change of treatment? You havent filled any details in on your profile so I dont know anything other than what you have written here.

It is a scary place you are at, but one most of us on this forum will have been there. Other people around you have to get on with their lives, but can leave you feeling isolated. This forum will provide you with lots of support when you ask. If your body is telling you that you are not able to work, you have to listen. But being part of a community of people in a similar place to you can really help, and engage the mind. Others will be along soon to offer their welcome too.

Hi

Welcome to the group no one wants to join but which becomes a lifeline for so many of us. It’s so hard for people who haven’t been through this experience of being told there’s no cure for their cancer to understand what it feels like. It’s frightening how isolated we can become. Even surrounded by people it’s all too easy to feel alone. I’m so sorry you’re feeling alone and I hope this group, where everyone understands it, will help you feel less so. 

I do know what you mean about getting back to work and feeling useful. My body can’t do it anymore either. Giving up work was like giving up a huge part of my identity, not to mention my financial independence, a big part of my social interactions and my pride. I guess there are days that we all fantasise about giving up work but when it’s forced on you, it’s different. Besides which, there’s a lot of day to fill when you don’t work but your friends and family do. 

But oddly life does go on. We do find ways to fill our days and give our lives meaning. Personally I do a fair amount of volunteering. I do a lot of crafting abs make beautiful things for all the people I need to rely on to do the jobs I can’t do anymore. Finding something that keeps both hands and enough of your brain busy is essential, I think. 

Can I ask - are you being offered any other treatment? 

I have blathered in quite enough. I hope others will add their thoughts too. It’s useful if you can fill in your profile - apart from anything else it stops you having to repeat yourself. Click on your name and then use the edit your profile function. 

I look forward to getting to know you better 

xx

PS I just realised several of us were writing to you at the same time. How’s that for not being alone, ? 

xx

Hi sorry was little vague on my post was very nervous about posting. For all my working life i have been in the care profession taking care of others is what ive always done and enjoyed so  to now need help myself i find it very hard. 

When i say 1st rouund og chemo i mean first round of 6. Im now being monitored every 3 months to check for growth. At which point things will start again. 

I feel like its just a waiting game. Im only 38 and feel like thats it. Been trying stay strong for my 2 boys as this so unfair on them 

5 years ago i had anal cancer i managed to recover from that and was almost out of remission when cancer was found again 

My official diagnosis is vaginal cancer? 

Yes? 

I think if i can just find something to do with myself i be so much better but i just cant seem to stick at anything. I sit at home alone in the day and mostly just watch junk tv and cry. 

Thankyou to all who have reached out it really means alot. Hopefully i have cleared up some of your questions i will update profile x

Hi Deni81 !

I have been a carer myself for many years and had to give up work from one day to the next after my brain surgery. First it was like a shock, then i did not know what to do with myself all day. Like you i was watching tv and shit, then i was thinking ...great now i will sit here for the rest of myself and wait till i die. But, i had a great hubby and wonderful friends who did help me get out of the hole. I started doing a bit of gardening and stuff i could do. I also started to try to help others on a forum like this with my own experience. Or just to be there, listen.

And you got your two boys...i think you just will need some time to get your head around. You're still in shock, what i think is normal.

I hope it will help you a bit to know you're not alone, and here are so many amazing people listening to you.

Pet

Hi

Thanks for explaining about your treatment. I understand better now. Would it help to think of yourself as “treatable but not curable”? It’s a new description of the people who, like me, are living with cancer for several years but will never get a cure. 

When I first heard the cancer had come back, I was told it was incurable and the only thing they could offer was palliative chemo when I started to feel symptoms. I felt I had been given a death sentence. I started to die from cancer rather than live with it. 

I was lucky and able to get onto various new drugs and clinical trials and it’s now nearly four years since I got the incurable label. I’ve had so much treatment and it’s taken a toll physically but I’m still going. I’ve also learned to live with cancer. 

I think you’re right - it’s important to find something to do with yourself. What do you like doing? I picked up my knitting needles again after 30 years. I taught myself to make clothes and crochet. I realise it’s not everyone’s cup of tea but it works for me. 

xx

Dear

just wanted to echo the thoughts of my fellow incurables, you’ll never be truly alone if you hang out here with my online buddies.

You’ve been coping with your diagnosis alone since April and that’s a long time to be alone with your own thoughts, hopefully now you are part of this group you will see that despite your diagnosis you can live with cancer and have a good quality of life. The key thing is to learn how to put your needs first, it’s not selfish to do so and is necessary to be able to prioritise what is important for your mind and body. It’s always a temptation to try to hang on to your past life but you have to create a new normal, so if full time work is not possible, think part time or the flexibility of volunteering, anything that will bring you into contact with other people in a less stressful environment.

im aware that treatment for anal cancer is very difficult and you will have been through an enormous amount during that time and now having to face more treatment it will bring up memories of those times, so don’t hesitate to speak to your gp about counselling if you think you would benefit from it, you deserve all the help you can get to put you back on the right track.

Hi I know a bit about how you’re feeling. When I was first diagnosed I was a bit older than you, in my forties. At that stage of life, everyone is SO busy, then suddenly, you’re the only one who isn’t. Please hold on the fact that incurable doesn’t mean untreatable. I wish all doctors would make that clear. I’m pleased you’ve found us and please know that if you need us we are here for you. x