Head in the sand

Dear there is no right or wrong way to deal with the implications of your diagnosis, the question is really, is what you are choosing to do working for for you, is it giving you the best quality of life to not know anything about your prognosis or are you using up a lot of emotional energy to block out a deep seated desire to know more and prepare for what the future may bring. I can’t answer that question, but I can say different members of the incurables have their own unique approach to dealing with these issues. I’m a let’s have it all out in the open person, so I’m a bit extreme, but most people seem to be somewhere in the middle. It’s a process I think and maybe you are at stage where you would like to know more, but want to go slowly.

Hi Tinkabel I agree with Johnty there is not right or wrong attitude.I was diagnosed with breast cancer recurrence after 2 years with spread in my lungs.My attitude is similar.I didn't ask me for prognosis because doctors are not Gods and even they don't know everything.Well in my hospital looks like need more education.I am trying to be optimistic and I am still thinking I can be cured no matter who is thinking or saying what.I am changing for another hospital because I am not happy with the uncaring and graveyard attitude of my oncologist and want more treatment options.Seems like my hospital is living in a middle ages and it's in London.

Sometimes I have bad moods  because of the chemo but living me like this is helping me to carry on with my life and fighting.I am on weekly Paclitaxel since August and my CT confirmed continuing shrinkage.I dont know the medical terms either and really don't care about ststistics they are just numbers.

I hope your scan also give you good news.

Take care

Hi Janet

I've just realised having read your reply that I still, at the back of my mind, think that there maybe a chance that I might be cured or that they might find the primary ( I am a cup), and therefore be able to treat it more effectively. Perhaps knowing more will take that hope away.

Hi we are 2 halves of the same coin! I have to know EVERYTHING about my disease, see all my scans, know timescales, read everything etc etc etc.  However, like you I don’t know how helpful my attitude has been and I also feel like I am going around the twist.

i think there is no right approach, just an approach that is right for you at a particular time.  One day you might want to know more but just as easily you might not and that’s ok.  Don’t be hard on yourself for not taking the same approach as other people, be kind to yourself and enjoy the day (your family sounds lovely).  When waiting for scan results it’s always important to be extra kind to yourself and do nice things, so I would do that and not worry about knowing more.

oh and I think you have been proactive, you were very clear with your consultant about how you wanted to be treated so I think that’s a good thing for them and you!

love heather xxxx

Thank you Heather xx

Hi Tinkerbell is nothing wrong with hopes and positivity.For me I wouldn't even get out of bed if I don't think like this.I have the goal in my head to be stronger and stronger every day.

The other day I have managed to run to catch the bus and that made me so happy.In August I couldn't even walk without stopping every min and spitting and coughing.

I know they are people talking about "facing reality" or saying "Oh you will have a hard fall" well I rather to live in hopes because nobody knows in advance exactly when we are going to die.

Hi hope the chemo is treating you well, unlike you I wanted to know all the details,  my cancer is lungs,liver,lymphnodes and asophagus, were all different in our outlook on life, my last scan after chemo showed shrinkage so was a little relieved, I find taking day by day is my way of dealing and were hoping to book some weekends away to give somthing to look forward to taking mind of everything else going on.    I find getting out the house helps even for just a run in the car to a cafe and short walk helps, being cooped up all the time makes me feel worse, I've also just got a scooter to enable some independence back which I enjoy.

Look after yourself

Hello Tinkabel, I can certainly see where you are coming from. The first time I wanted to know absolutely everything but now I have a recurrence I've found I'm halfway to wanting to know. Some of th is because I've een put on targeted therapy for 18 months. So I presumed they would only bother with that if they felt it was possible to survive that long. After that conclusion I decided I didn't want any predictions as they could only make me really depressed. And who wants to spend their time counting down a timer. 

Sorry about the bees. My phone keeps putting them in and I can't delete them. Doh! 

I agree with you completely Fishtrombone.If I would ask for the prognosis I would probably start making crosses on the wallcalendar just counting down how many days left. For me I don't give hope and you never know these days the medicine is really advanced can happen anything for us incurable.I don't like when doctor "writing people off".

Hello Tink

We all have our own ways of coping. What is really important is that you can come to this forum and say how you really feel. You may be in shock. It sounds as if you have good support at home.

Fingers crossed for your scan results

Xx