Emotional tasks

Hi mAz59

did get it done on the 2nd like you I found it sad.I nearly went in hospital o:n new year eve 

I have another chest infection then my Temperature went up 38.6 around 2pm so rang beep nurse

 sad I would have to go in but at that time no beds she would ring back.

i then went to bed I had a few hours sleep when I woke the  temperature started to go down.

i hadn’t had the call so decided to ring in the morning.which I did and Doctor said to stay at home 

come in  if it change  again. I’m so glad I waited because I would have been in a  corridor waiting for bed Won’t forget that New year on antibiotics now so fingers crossed it wil go

Hospital Monday to see oncologist hopefully treatment Wednesday need bloods done.

well time to sleep take care xx

K

o

Dear I can totally relate to what your saying. My way of coping is that I live my life almost entirely in the present, for some reason I seem unable to project my thoughts into the future, it’s not something I do consciously but I imagine it’s some sort of self protection mechanism to stop me getting depressed or anxious or upset about things. I am sorry to hear you have been feeling poorly, my neutrophil count is always teetering on the edge as a result of my medication and with winter being the season of wheezles and sneezles you can feel the immune system twitching every time you go in to a crowded place, so it’s probably a good idea to stay in put the onesie on watch some rubbish television and indulge yourself with whatever you fancy. As for the banana cake as a kidney dialysis patient it’s on the banned list, too much potassium apparently ! ! ! 

Hi

I avoided having to take the Christmas decorations down by failing to put them up this year. My younger daughter and I were waiting for my big girl to get home from university at first. Then I had loads of unexpected hospital appointments as my docs pushed hard to get me onto a new trial. I was struggling with pain and somehow, by December 21, we still hadn’t got the box out of the attic. At this point we decided that, since we were away from December 23-29, it wasn’t worth the hassle. So 2020 is going down as the year we didn’t get the Christmas decorations up.

Looking back now, I think it’s a sign of just how much we were struggling. I was very ill but not acknowledging it properly and my little one is very down. Just keeping our heads above water was as much as we could manage. I think we needed someone to come in and take over. Getting away for Christmas and being cared for by my family was the best thing we could have done, and life feels more stable now. I’m on top of the pain and physically stronger despite having a nasty cold. 

I was at the hospital yesterday for the first safety check after starting my trial drug. I had to go into a side room and wear a mask if I ventured out due to my cold. But my bloods were all fine, there’s no bacterial infection and I’m under strict instructions to get back in touch if things deteriorate. I’m back again next Wednesday for the next safety check anyway so I feel pretty safe. 

We went to a show last night, my girls and I. We were supposed to go before Christmas but had to postpone because I had a liver biopsy the day we were scheduled to go. Luckily I managed to change the tickets. It worked out better anyway as I doubt I could have got to the theatre and sat through the performance before Christmas. Anyway. We had a wonderful time seeing & Juliet, which is based on the idea “what if Juliet didn’t kill herself?”. Great songs, great dancing, fabulous costumes. Really great feel good show. We managed to walk through Covent Garden and finally saw the Christmas lights in London.  We all said we felt like it was Christmas Eve all over again. 

I hope you enjoy your banana bread. Did you know you can freeze bananas? Simply peel and slice them and pop them in a bag. I use them to make smoothies with yoghurt, fruit juice and whatever berries and nuts I have to hand. I’m losing weight at the minute as my drugs have ruined my appetite so I add cream too to get in those calories. Somehow a smoothie is easier to stomach than a meal I have to chew. 

Oh dear. I seem to have gone on rather. Have a nice, relaxing weekend if you can, my dear. 

Lots of love xxx

O Daloni my heart goes out to you and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. You are such a fighter with so much to cope with including a young family and yet you still have a heart for others. 

I hope this new medication works for you and you see good results soon. 

I only have the tree to do now and even if I didn't feel like this may be the last Christmas it is always an emotional task happy and heart tugging. 

I sometimes think one of those ready made designer trees is the way to go but mine is full of memories. Those made by my children decades ago, those bought with special people, the one I keep meaning to get rid of but it is still there. I know no one will ever feel about it the way I do and that is the same with a lot of things in our lives and I suppose learning to let go is part of life too. Silly really that it is the little things that get to you when many days we wake up knowing we are hanging by a thread and life itself could just go. 

I am very relieved I got my meds yesterday as I know it was the 6 month gap that has caused the problems as it has been like going back to the beginning again. But at least I had positive news last time and hopefully it will prove effective again. 

Whatever I bake today is being frozen as I have still got a mountain of sweet stuff. I tried to get people not to buy me presents this year as I didn't want anything none useable it is such a waste but that meant I got more chocolate. I wish now I had asked for Kindle vouchers as I seem to be reading for England. 

Well on with the task in hand I love it really and I can cry as much as I want as there is only me here. 

Thanks Jane 

My task is before me just the tree to do which is where most of the tear jerking memories lie ( good ones but emotional). 

I like yourself find it quite easy to live in the now when I am thinking of me but it is when I think of my children and what I am able to still provide for them that I struggle. My son is still financially dependent on me having had such bad health himself and my daughter and I are very close and due to my skills  I have been able to give her help with her children especially with her Autistic daughter. Then there is my husband who I love dearly but so disorganised, I will say no more. However at the end of the day life will go on with or without us, the worrying helps no one but I have not found a way to stop it but I can control it. 

Take care and keep dodging those germs 

Good luck on Monday 

It is a case of devil and deep blue sea at times with hospital. I am very lucky in that I only live minutes from the hospital but it is all the hours you spend in A&E and on wards where you are at high risk that is so off putting. 

Like yourself I am very susceptible to meds and my bloods bottom out quickly so we have to be careful but that has to be balanced with actually living life. 

I have learnt a few tricks re when to get my bloods done so I am just over the counts and when to avoid. I also think the staff have got to know me better now and although before they would insist I came in with a high temp now they accept my temp like other stats are very unpredictable and I know when things are out of control. 

It sounded a good idea they would ring you when there was a bed but also very bad that no one actually got back to you. I wonder what they actually recorded this as.