Feeling sad

Understand completely. It's an emotional time of year anyway, then add to that the uncertainty. Its ok to feel like this.I remember so many people on this forum helping me this time last year. I hope you can find some comfort.

Xx

it's completely understandable that you feel sad. I found it took a long time to come to terms with the diagnosis, as others have said it's a process, and it's natural and probably more healthy to grieve. I went through the first year wondering if this would be the last birthday, Christmas, spring but am in my second year now and feel more hopeful.

It's very hard on your family and I'm so sorry your 16year old has so much to deal with. It's great that he can talk to you and still gives you cuddles, that's just lovely and quite unusual for teenage boys. It's hard enough just being a 16 year old let alone coping with your illness, alopecia and exams, it's not fair.

Have you considered family counselling? There's a lot of support for families too in York, I would like my husband and sons to talk to someone sooner rather than later, I've been told it really helps.

I hope your sadness won't spoil the festive season. It will come and go, but if it gets too much for you do speak to someone on your team or on the helpline, or think about getting counselling, you don't have to face it alone. We're here for you too, day and night so never be afraid to offload.

I hope you have many more Christmases to look forward to. Sending love and hugs.  xx

Dear dance in the rain I notice in your profile that your diagnosis was only in August 2019, which in the world of cancer might as a well be yesterday.  Coming to terms and learning to live with a incurable disease is a ongoing process, somedays you feel you’ve nailed it and then occasionally it’s all a bit overwhelming again.but after a while we all learn to ride the highs and lows and find a equilibrium. As for your son, the teenage years are a challenge no matter what the circumstances, but children are resilient and can handle things much better than we give them credit for providing we are honest with them about the situation as otherwise they will fill in the gaps with anxiety. I try to live in the present because the future is a foreign land I’ve yet to visit, remember cancer is random and indiscriminate so you don’t have to burden yourself with any sense of responsibility for your diagnosis.

Hi feel free to unload, I completely recognise these feelings, although I don’t have kids, so it must be a 100 times worse, as you will want to see all their milestones etc. However, the feelings you describe are so familiar, I think this time of year enhances them too and I have been feeling the same, sometimes I could just curl up in a ball and weep.  However then the feeling washes past like a wave and something nice happens, as we are still all living our lives, with things ahead to look forward to.

i hope you feel better today and the community helps....sometimes it’s hard to find the words of comfort, as what we (and our families)face is so tough but know we are all here rooting for you,

much love heather xxx

Thank you everyone for your kind words I knew you would understand and make me feel better and normal!  

I have talked about counselling and we have agreed it would be a good thing I just need to look into it and sort it out! 

Much live to everyone 

Sarah xx

Hi

Excuse me asking, but who said you “should” be happy? I suspect nobody except maybe you. I recognise that voice as it’s been my own internal voice in the past. 

I went through a long period of feeling alternately sad and angry in the first year or two after I learned I had incurable cancer. I came to understand that this was grief and that I had to go through it. Like the bear hunt that I used to read the children when they were little. I couldn’t go under it, I couldn’t go over it, I had to go through it. And then I came out the other side. 

The things that helped me were counselling and meditation. I’ve talked before about how helpful I’ve found meditation so I won’t go into it again. It took time and discipline but it really helped me and those around me. My daughters especially notice the difference in me when I’m practicing my meditation compared to the times I fall off the wagon. 

One of the lessons I learned was that telling myself I should or shouldn’t feel a particular way was not helpful. I needed to accept how I felt and treat myself more kindly. Just stopping the fighting was such a relief. That understanding also helps the people around me as I’m better able to accept their feelings for what they are rather than trying to fix them. 

I also learned to enjoy things in the day. My niece’s wedding this autumn was a tough one as I don’t expect to see my own daughters get married and have children. So I allowed myself to feel sad for a little while and then put it to one side to enjoy her wedding and a wonderful day. Why would I choose to live in a sad tomorrow when I have a happy today?

I really feel for you over your son. I have teenage daughters and it’s so hard to see them dealing with not just their normal teenage emotions but also the worry and fear over me. I think it’s a mark of the strength of your relationship that he still cuddles you and feels he can open up and cry with you. But it’s mighty hard to bear, I know. You can’t fix it but you can listen and reassure him he’s normal. Mourning the loss of childhood happiness is part of growing up. 

I am glad to read you’re feeling a bit better already. It’s going to take time to work through how you’re feeling but you’ll get there. 

Lots of love 

xxx

So beautifully and succinctly put as always thanks Daloni!

had a wry smile at predictive text at my last sign off.  It was meant to be love to everyone, instead it said live to everyone - both sentiments I agree with!! Xx

The live love predictive text change happens frequently on my phone too. It always makes me smile and wonder if I should just leave it 

xx