Reading

You could always ask your friend if instead of reading it, someone else could read it as you stand next to the reader, that way, you are still supporting your friend as the reader supports you both.

Hello

I dont think that will happen. She wants me to read it as apparently I have a very nice voice!

Ellie

Hi

That’s a tough one. I can see why you feel uncomfortable and also how difficult it might be. Since you can’t refuse (and I agree that you can’t) perhaps trying out some different ways of thinking about this might help?

It seems to me that this is a terrific honour and a huge trust that’s been placed in you. I remember my mother’s funeral and it felt like an endless series of decisions that had to be made at a time I hardly knew my own name. In sharing your precious reading with your friend, you’ve relieved her of the painful job of finding and deciding on a reading. 

I think one thing you could do is put your own feelings aside and approach this in a spirit of generosity and gratitude for being asked. I think this might be difficult but maybe worth a try? It might also be a way of helping you get through what will no doubt be a difficult task on the day. 

I hope this is of help and not just annoying. They don’t call me Polly Anna for nothing  

xx

Hello

Thankyou, it is helpful what you have written. I know she has been making lists of things she will have to do and I am helping all I can. Unfortunately, we live a distance apart, so I think you are right in saying it's one thing she doesnt have to deal with now. 

Ellie

I was asked to do my Dad's eulogy two months ago. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But I am so glad I did. It helped me so much to think about how he lived his life and how I can live out what life I have left.

I thought I would cry but didn't. It was good to look at all the love in the faces of those present. It gave me strength.

The crux of this is probably whether you feel able to do it without breaking down. As that could cause more problems on the day. One of my brother's is so emotional we have considered hiring him out as a professional mourner ( only joking). Seriously though we know from experience if someone gets really upset while at the front it can cause flood gates to open which is fine so long as people accept that. People expect nerves and emotion at these times o am sure.

I like others have made some funeral arrangements and I would love for one of my sisters, who has a great singing voice to sing a solo. I know that would be taking things too far for her but she also does a good job in writing poems about people so hopefully if I am in her good books I will get one of those. 

People often choose non family members to read so they can focus on what is being said and relate it to the deceased. 

So if you are able then I am sure you will be doing them a great service and honouring your friend at the same time. 

Good luck 

Hi 

I actually think in the circumstances you can refuse if you want to. I also think if your friend wasn't grief stricken she would never have asked this of you. A reading, maybe, but the one you want at your own funeral....absolutely not.

A funeral can be enough of an ordeal and there's no moral high ground, no one should have to do anything that causes them additional stress and potentially distress.

I would ask yourself how you would feel if you told your friend that you didn't feel able to speak at all, or that you'd like to find a different reading. 

No one would think it strange if someone felt unable to be a pallbearer, I think this is a very big ask in the circumstances, and there are plenty of other ways you can show your love and support.  

I'm actually shocked that your friend did ask, but grief is consuming and she must be in shock as her husband's death was sudden. I hope she has a lot of support at this time but I think you should look after yourself. xx

Hello

I spoke with her today and is so upset and will find out the results of her husbands autopsy tomorrow. She has a cousin staying with her but she really has no other close family, being an only child and not having had children.  I live a good couple of hours away from her and I dont feel up to driving up which makes me feel guilty.  I did try to broach the subject but stepped back when she started crying. I am just going to have to do it, I cant cause her more upset. 

Ellie

It is a difficult situation and my heart goes out to her at this sad time. However time does heal and sometimes things we think will make an enormous difference go by almost unnoticed and I am sure who reads a reading at a funeral is one of those things. As it is a good distance away and you are not feeling up to the travelling you need to take your health into account. 

Only you can make the decision but don't feel bad about it but f you decide it is not possible in your circumstances. 

Do take care 

It's so very sad. Might be as well to quietly make a back up plan so that if it proves too much for you on the day someone is ready to step in.  xx