I got told today that I did t look like I had cancer. Umm, what am I supposed to look like?
Ellie
FormerMember
A ‘friend’ visited and in a surprised voice told me you look well. It appears I am expected to take to my bed like a heroine in a Victorian melodrama but instead of TB it’s cancer. Instead I am out enjoying a lovely cuppa. Love to you all. I really enjoy reading your posts it is of great help. Tamencio
The other one is the special hushed voices that people use - definitely suited to the consumptive Victorian heroine!
Oh well, all my hair (and I have a lot of it) will most likely be gone in the very near future and at least that will provide another topic of conversation!
I think I am lucky in that most of my friends and ex- colleagues (now friends in many cases) are used to talking and listening to people with traumatic and difficult issues ( I worked in a mental health counselling service), so they are pretty good at empathy and not saying daft things, in the main. Yes I get told I look well quite a lot , by all sorts of people, but I think most mean well and I will take any compliment wherever it comes from.
Those of us in this group have probably, however, had to explain numerous times that we are treatble not curable, and it is suprising how many people find that really hard to comprehend ( including my sisters) . The other irritation I have is no matter how many times I tell people I will be in treatment for as long as I can tolerate it, or until it stops working, I still get asked time and time again " how many more chemos?". I just explain again.
But, I wonder in truth how many of us, before we began this strange joureny, didn't know what to say, or said the wrong thing and kicked ourselves later. So even when people do say stupid things or are insensitive, or just plain stupid, I try to remind myself of the ancient greek philosopher quote " be kind , for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle".
The nurse who took my blood samples in my GP's surgery the other day blithely told me how great it is that people don't die from breast cancer any more. This was after she had checked my notes. I know the latest scan report, flagging lung mets, is in there, along with all the other grim stuff.
When I had picked my jaw back off the floor, I just advised her to re-read them. Then I scuttled away.
Why did she feel the need to say that? Words fail me.
