Pregnancy after cancer

Hi how_1,

I'm afraid that there is so much of your post that I cannot answer as it is such a complex question.  The risks, your personal circumstances and without being able to predict the future how fair it is?

I do know that my son is the most precious thing in my life and I am loving watching him grow and develop his own personality and interests.  At the time I was first diagnosed he was 7 and when I was advised it had spread and was incurable he was 9.  He is now 14 and I hope to see him growing up for many years to come.  If I had died I know that my wife would have continued to love and raise him and my biggest fear was that I would not be able to be there to help her with this.  He is aware of my cancer and has at times been very upset by it.  However, he has always been a caring and considerate child and I think his knowledge of my health has made him even more considerate of others.  My son was already here by the time I found out about my cancer so I do not know what I would have decided had I been in your position.  I do know that I would have been so much less without him.

love and hugs,

Gragon xx

Thank you for your kind response. I know that my own partner would be more than capable in providing a happy and loving life for any children we may have. I also lost my own mother to cancer when I was 8 and I treasure the memories I have of her. It's something that I'm going to have to keep thinking about I think. My life has been filled with so many unanswerable questions, I'm so grateful for all the support I do receive. 

Best wishes to you and your family! 

Fran x

Hi Fran, welcome! I don't think we have ever chatted before, I looked at your profile page but as yet you haven't filled it in!

I know by your post you are so very young and I'm so sorry this has happened to you at this early stage of your life! I'm at the opposite end of the age scale and have three beautiful grandchildren. So it's not easy for me to relate to your situation but have you talked this through with your husband and is he alright with everything. Next I'd be looking at the support, if any, he has around him! If all is good there, I'd be saying never put off until tomorrow, what you can do today! I'm sure others will reply in the morning but my question to you would be " how would you feel if in say ten years, you looked back after deciding not to even try?" No one knows what the future holds, so as far as I am concerned, we must grab life with both hands and enjoy every minute!

I was diagnosed in May 2013 and told I'd probably not see January 2014! A trial drug worked for me and here I am! So very lucky and I'm not alone, there are many others "passed their sell by date"! They are developing new drugs and treatment all the time so if you were my daughter, I'd be saying, follow your dreams, never give up by saying "but what IF". Where there's life there's hope! In saying all that, there are no guarantees you will fall pregnant when you do try but at least then, you'll have tried! Good luck with whatever decision you and your husband make! Take Care 

I keep meaning to sort my profile! It's on my list haha. Thanks for your reply. I am young, I'm 23. So ideally having kids is a few years away and at the moment we are just preparing options. But as you said, another dilemma we have is whether waiting is an option. I never know what's around the corner which is both a blessing and a curse. We will consider your words carefully. Thanks for commenting x

Hi how_1

You have certainly been through a lot for someone so young. I am so glad to hear you are currently well although it must be hard living with this word “incurable”. 

I am 55 and have two teenage girls, so like Gragon and Annette I am a long way passed the stage of life that you’re at. I think they have given you some wise counsel. 

The thing that strikes me is that you have very similar questions to anyone thinking about starting a family but overlaid by the complexity of the brain tumour. I wonder if it’s worth spending some time with a clinical psychologist to help you untangle what’s “normal” as you consider starting a family and what is cancer specific? I think you probably need a psychologist at a cancer centre rather than a counsellor. Are you able to access one via your GP or hospital? 

If you decide to go ahead, no doubt there will be the people who think you’re irresponsible. I’m not one of them, I should add, but my experience of cancer shows that people do feel they have a right to comment. I wonder if a psychologist could help you explore how you would react to that and make sure those around you are on board with your decision. 

I hope this is helpful and I wish you all the best as you make your decision. 

Xx

Thanks for your suggestion. I have very easy access to the cancer psychology team at the QE. I will get in touch

Hi 

I am glad to hear that. 

I wonder whether you might like to look in on the group in this community diagnosed at a young age. 

https://community.macmillan.org.uk/cancer_experiences/diagnosed_at_a_young_age/discussions

xx

I will, thank you x

Hi Fran (Howelfr), I think Daloni's suggestion of talking all this through with a Phycologist is definitely the way forward! Especially if you have easy access, then they could support you with whatever decision you make! Please let us know how you get on!