What did you most (or least!) need to hear from friends, family, or colleagues?

• I have been researching prostate cancer about a year and a half as well as being treated for it up to and including a recent prostatectomy.  I wish I had know what to expect when I started this journey and I would like to offer my knowledge and experience to help other guys who are facing this journey! I offer a frank and honest discussion of what you can expect to happen as you make decisions on treatment. When I first discussed the various options I had I was shocked!  I never knew what treatments were available and learned that sometimes “ the cure is worse than the disease in some cases!
• if you want to really know what will be offers and what side effects will result please contact me! Just a free offer the help those starting the journey I have taken!

I know how hard it is to say the right thing when someone shares difficult news so understood people not knowing what to say when it was my turn. I still had some surprises! 

I was fine when people said "I don't know what to say" or "it's a shock".  "Let me know if I can do anything " or "oh no!" were ok too.

I wasn't prepared for a friend who got angry that I hadn't told her earlier and didn't respect that I wasn't going to be sharing everything. 

One friend said " do you want to talk about it or something else" which was really good. It meant I knew we could meet or message and have some normality.

Avoidance is something that does happen. There are also people who really don't want to have anything to do with cancer. 

Social media can make it difficult to manage other people's input and I think not being a big user helped me. "Anything you need? or "Here if you want a chat/coffee" were good messages to receive. At a time when it feels like you have no control it might be worth considering how you want to control sharing updates. 

Worst thing? My mum who had read about baby powder cancer claims and said "it wasn't her fault". Beware the unexpected.

My sister: “I know you’re not terminal yet, but what would you like for your funeral” after my MRI but before my post-op Dx of stage 1C1. When she said that is the only time I’ve cried, but she said it out of love and we laughed about it later.

I got tired of typing out variations of the same messages to family and friends during the 3.5 month long wait for surgery to extract my 30cm changeling (scheduled op on day 62 from referral was cancelled as I was being readied for it, coz the anaesthetist misread an endocrinology test result). So I made a big WhatsApp group for family and friends for posting updates and they all responded to my comic pictures of mixed grills and sausages with all manner of light-hearted discussion about all sorts of things, and many joined in my ‘guess-the-weight’ competition..(Winner guessed 8kg, not counting the surgeon’s ’about 10kg’ the day before the op, as she had an unfair advantage). Reading all their posts kept my mood positive during the long wait for surgery

A separate WhatsApp group sounds a really good idea. X