I had estrogen positive breast cancer last year, two operations, radiotherapy and now five years of hormone treatment. It’s a biggie but not as big as some have it. I’m clear. I’m back to work. The pot is off my leg so I should be all fixed and be normal again. But I’m not and I don’t understand why. Yes I am so relieved that I’ve had a narrow escape and my life is returning to normal in every way but why do I feel so absolutely full of hopelessness and depression. A few weeks ago I thought suddenly everything in my head had turned a corner and finally I saw the way forward and now equally now I find myself in some horrible pit of desolation. It makes no sense. I say I’m ok as it lets everyone off the hook of dealing with a post cancer person and avoids any conversations I don’t want to have. And them. I long to be on my own so I can cry in peace. This is not me. These past few days have been torture and I feel like I don’t understand anything anymore. I expected to be me again after cancer then I realised I’m not and that ok but what’s going on now. I’m floundering in an unfamiliar world and nothing is what I thought it would be. How do I come to the surface to breathe air again rather than just wanting to drown..?
Wow Super63 you are saying just what I'm feeling. I finished my treatment at the end of August, had 3 month scans showing an active lymph node - yes I am sure it's most likely a reaction to a shoulder injury but...
That feeling of knowing for sure I'm going to get secondary cancer soon and due overwhelms me, so many tears. 
A good number of people have benefited from doing the initial exercise and went on to put more thought and commitment into each area resulting in significant progress and life changes 
