Feel a fraud/still in denial

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Hi everyone. Hope you are as well as you can be. I am 4 weeks post radical hysterectomy and lymph node removal for cervical cancer grade 1b1, was diagnosed in Feb 21 and by 9th April 21 it was gone. No trace of it having spread, thank heavens an further treatment at the moment. 

Very early stage recovery and I can't seem to grasp I've actually had cancer, it doesn't feel that serious. I know I am now a survivor, I keep telling myself and my kids this and I should feel over the moon and excited I'm still here and have my life ahead of me. I should feel elated and feel I should be saying right get over it, go forward with a completely new zest to life, get a grip and grab life head on with no negativity, just positivity because I'm still here.....but at this moment in time I don't feel it. I'm not sure how I feel, its almost as if its not happened to me and I feel quite lost really and a few times actually quite alone..which is stupid.I have unimaginable support from amazing family and friends and even just acquaintances that have offered all sorts of help.so how can I feel alone !!! I am so grateful, especially when I hear other peoples journeys but still feel a fraud and not worthy of all uther support and love I'm getting !! I'm pretty much all over the show!!! 

Sorry its a bit of a waffle !!!Two hearts

  • Hi Hatfre,You mustn’t feel a fraud and don’t worry if you don’t feel elated either.I think a lot of people experience what you are going through now,the not sure how you feel and the what just happened feelings.One of the dr’s I saw daily in hospital said it’s common for emotions to be all over the place after surgery.I was grateful to hear that as it helped make sense of my fluctuating emotions.I’ve certainly felt alone at times and the pandemic didn’t help.Joining the Macmillan community has made a huge difference.Best wishes for your recovery and the future.Love Jane x

  • Hi  and welcome to our little supportive corner of the community. No questions is silly and waffle is always allowed.

    You are ‘only’ 4 weeks out from having some life changing treatments so this is early early days. 

    The post treatment journey can for some be very difficult to navigate, lots of questions, the ‘what if’s?’ that come along, 

    I am now 5 1/2 years out from my last treatments although I was diagnosed way back in 1999 with a rare incurable type of blood cancer (hit my name to see the long story)...... but I am living the dream...... as back in 1999 I was also told I would never even be in any remission but remission was achieved back in Sep 2016 for the first time in over 17 years.

    Please don’t beat yourself up, you are on a journey to discover the new you, the new normal..... and yes we all may want our pre cancer self back - not often achievable but it’s all about building on new foundations.

    You may find it helpful to make a cuppa and have a look at this great paper After Treatment Finishes - Then What? by Dr Peter Harvey as it highlights the post treatment milestones and zi am sure that you will come back and post that it had been written about you.

    ((hugs))

    Mike (Thehighlander)

    It always seems impossible until its done - Nelson Mandela

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