PTSD

Thanks Thehighlander. Still new to all this so don't know how to do those links

Cazza

Hi Cazza,

Thank you for kind reply.

I do have a Maggie's Centre near me, however the thing is I can't go anywhere near anything which is related to cancer. I can't even go for my annual MRI, the fear is that bad/great. I hyperventilate and nearly pass out. I need a diagnosis and treatment which is away from that.

I will keep it in mind. 

Thank you for your kindness,

Hi Lisa

I can understand that. I felt a bit like that. It might be worth contacting them anyway if you feel able to and explain your situation. They may be able to suggest somewhere else that may help.

I hope you are able to find something that works for you. 6 months wait for NHS help must seem like forever to wait but hopefully that will help when you get it.

I have also found this forum a great place to find people who understand the emotional turmoil and can help in small ways.

Cazza

Hi Lisa, I am so sorry that you experience these challenges, there is no simple fix for this but a fix is required as with this in place you can try to move forward with life.

Maggie’s Centre do have a help line just the same as the Macmillan Support Line Services on 0808 808 00 00 even the step in talking with someone is a good step in the right direction.

I have lived with my cancer for 20 years and did well until I had to have some full on treatment and mentally continued to do OK.....physically was a challenges.

But i have had a number of friends died from cancer over these years and out of the blue I was struck down with 'survivors guilt'...... a rather debilitating space.... where I continued to play '......Why did I survive?"

One morning following a clinic appointment I found myself walked through the doors of our Inverness Maggie's..... after years of attending sterile cancer facilities but this was not an in your face cancer facility, it was coming into someones house where you can sit round 'The Big Family Table' and have a coffee.

I think you have diagnosed yourself and in reality you will have to see a professional..... and I would imagine that a very high percentage of these professionals will be based in a hospital GP environment.

Tomorrow you could make a choice to make the first step, walk into your local Maggie's and find a friendly ear.

((hugs))

LisaCardiff   I agree with Thehighlander

Maggies is nothing like walking into a cancer entre. I loved the feel of the place and it's relaxed and welcoming atmosphere. I explained I needed some one to one support and was taken to a beautiful room overlooking the lovely gardens and spent an hour chatting and crying with a lovely member of the team. There is lots of good group support there too, however, I am not a group sharing type of person and was reassured that there would always be someone to speak to one to one if I needed it.

I never in a million years would have thought that I would have been able to do this but am so glad I did.

Cazza

Hi everyone,

i have suffered from PTSD and a couple of things have helped me, so I thought I’d pass them on:

1. The past cannot repeat itself - whatever we experience in the future, it can and will not be the same as what has happened in the past. I came to realize that my PTSD was connected to a fear of the past repeating itself - but no matter what happens, the future will always be different - maybe in a big way, maybe in a small way, but it will always be different - and how can I be afraid of something when I don’t know what it will be?

2. This may sound odd but I would force myself to go back to the hospital. It is not the building that is awful, it is the memory that is awful. A trick for me was to experience positive things in the hospital (maybe just go for a walk around it, not for an appointment per se). Over time, you can counter balance the negative experiences with positive ones and that helps to dissipate the negativity associated with a physical place.

I hope these might help in any small way.

Greg

Hi I don't know if it helps but a friend of mine works as a councillor in a women's charity, maybe seeking help in a different environment could be a step falward.

Another way could be to ask a Maggie's member to meet you in a nearby coffee shop ?

I know someone came to meet me while I was in a hospital ward, I'm sure they will make every effort to help.

I have a lovely lady who works for McMillan at my local hospice and comes to my house I feel so privileged. Ring yours and just ask.

I hope that you find a way through.

Regards

Hi all,

Thank you for your lovely replies and taking the time to do this 

I physically cannot go to the cancer hospital and I cannot face the thought of cancer. It scares me senseless. I can't have my annual MRI, simply because the thought of the results is horrendous. 

I was given the all clear 2 years ago and last year I was told my lymph node was swollen. All of 2018 I was back and forth having MRI scans to be told the same thing. The doctor checked with the radiographer, who checks the scans and he thought everything was okay but for some reason my doctor kept making go back. It was awful and I am traumatised, it was cruel.  This is why I can't and won't go back. I feel okay. I get the odd occasional pain but who doesn't?.

Personally, I think if you're given the all clear,.one shouldn't have to go back and forth. Please don't get me started on all the operations and procedures. It's not the building, it's the awful and life changing possibilities which I have been through and I cannot repeat. It was gruelling and traumatic. I won't go to the Maggie centre as it is cancer based and I want something which is not based around cancer. Enough is enough.

Anyway, thank you all,

• I too suffer with PTSD – I was told I had this after getting stage 4 penile cancer – I lost my entire penis and various nodes , had chemo and radio etc. It was a close thing and mortality was not far away. I am now 5 years clear and discharged but still haunted by the memories, the words, the smells. They come back and fill my mind in times of peace and also times of stress . The latter being being harder to deal with as you have the issue currently concerning you plus the ptsd jumping on board. I do also catastrophize everything – so simple things like locking a door become OMG what if I did not do correctly we will be robbed. Yet other things have little effect on my daily life. Its very complex and despite having had 40 sessions with an expert the trauma and hauntings are still very real. Everywhere I look there seem to be triggers, the physical scars and obvious missing bit I cannot change, but the only time I can really relax is when I remove all other possible triggers which basically boils down to holidays when we are away.

  As much as I try to get on with things it’s a constant battle with the demons.

  Total get not being able to go to the hospital – I have places away from hospitals that I cannot face and people , friends , I can no longer talk too. Silly things frighten the life out of me. A noise , a worry , a thought.
  Kind regards

Oh, sweetie, I am SO sorry for all that you're going through!

I have no great words of wisdom or solace, all I can say is that you're not alone on your trip.  I wish there were something more concrete I could do than commiserate!

42 years is a long time to create a reality that involves cancer, I can see how you are filled with trauma and stress.  Do you have a good therapist that you trust?