Helping my partner

Hi, I’m married to my partner who was diagnosed with skin cancer last year, he had two operations to remove the cancer that were both successful however, whilst this was going on, he was diagnosed HIV+ and has now passed this to me.

We are both having successful treatment for the HIV however because of this weakening our immune systems, my partners cancer took this opportunity and spread to his lungs and liver and he is now incurable and has been given 1-2 years to live.

I am the practical one in the relationship and although we are coping well on the surface, I know my partner is worrying constantly and I feel he is giving in too quickly. He is having Chemo to help reduce the cancer and this is going well but he is the first to deny how he’s feeling and hide his true feelings.

Not only have I had to get my head around the fact my husband is dying, I have also had to try and get my head around my own changing medical needs and this has been really draining and I seem to find myself quite isolated in this predicament.

I find it hard to talk about as I am trying to be positive for my partner and those around me, although they are there for me, they aren’t really sure what to say to me. I’m desperate to talk to people who are in a similar boat to me and share experiences. 

anyone out there?! 

  • Hi and a very warm welcome to the online community which I hope you'll find is both an informative and supportive place to be.

    I'm really sorry to read that your partner's skin cancer has spread and this, coupled with your own health needs, must be making this a very difficult time for you both.

    As you know the online community is divided up into different support groups so I thought I'd suggest that you join the supporting someone with incurable cancer group where you can discuss your emotions as well as find out how others have coped in similar circumstances.

    If you'd like to join the group clicking on the link I've created will take you straight there where you can join and start a new post in the same way as you did here. You can also join in with existing conversations by clicking on 'reply'.

    Although you haven't said what type of skin cancer your partner has I'm going to assume that, as you've said it's spread, it's melanoma. If this is the case you might like to join me over in the melanoma group as this will give you the opportunity to talk to others about melanoma that has spread. Again clicking on the link will take you there if you want to join the group.

    When you feel up to it it would be good if you could pop something about your partner's diagnosis and treatment so far into your profile as it really helps others when replying to you and also when looking for someone on a similar pathway. It also means that you don't have to keep repeating yourself. To do this click on your username and then select 'Profile'. You can amend it at any time and if you're not sure what to write you can take a look at mine by clicking on my username.

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