Been absent for awhile posting but still here

Hello to all you lovely people on this site, I have not been posting on here for awhile but have read occasionally, been warmed just reading some posts, faith shines through.

I know faith helps me however sometimes doubts and fear arise and I lose trust, I tell myself I am being tested and regroup myself, I remember many years ago when my mum was diagnosed with cancer I felt my faith was strong, mum hadn’t had faith, she was fearful of the church, my paternal grandmother hadn’t helped I don’t think as she would belittle mum for not knowing some things to do,with the church......one day mum asked me where do I get my faith from...I said I don’t know it just is...always has been there a sense of love.....i didn’t know at the time but mum started going to church...she took lessons....she took her first communion and did it all alone and only told me after...I could see it changed her.....I hadn’t intended to write this tonight but it’s just flowing so apologies.....mum died quite young, then dad got cancer and I was shattered....a friend said to me that I was being tested and the devil wanted me, I said well,he can have me I have had enough I can’t take anymore.....that was a Lapse didn’t last long I add.

last year my hubby was very very ill some of you may remember I asked for prayers a year ago today he had his op, then sepsis bowel perforation organ failure...he survived a long hard journey back to health.   In December a reoccurrence and he was feeling well so a bitter blow.

he has been having chemo but on cycle 3 became ill with toxicity and was in hospital....he lost a lot of weight ....cycle four went ahead but he is very sick again....he was admitted to hospital a few days ago he is struggling lost more weight can’t stand alone...poor man worked so hard to recover and knocked back again.....I pray for him I ask others to,pray for him, my faith feels strong.....and then i doubt....I question rather than just trust......I have negative thoughts ....i tell myself I am being tested again...I don’t want to be tested again....obviously my faith isn’t as strong as I thought......my sister in law tells me it is the other one at work...tell him to go!! I laugh....I imagine....

my brother rang me yesterday....he told me last year when my husband was sick he had prayed for him and added and I don’t pray....so yesterday I asked him to pray again...he said “I will because you have asked me to but I don’t believe in all that stuff” ...I smiled inside...why?

any how sorry I have gone on a bit....I hope you get my drift....I’m not even sure I do.....

I know you have a faith if your reading this site so I ask once again for your prayers for my lovely man that he recovers that his results are good and that I just trust and have faith.

goodnight all xx