hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Got through sunday, more painful than I expected, but we all got through it.
I'm generally ok, a bit depressed I think. I can sympathise with you karen about some of the thoughts you've been having; recently I have thought that if I died it would be ok, I could be with mum then. I really don't think this is the answer to our grief however.
I have had to remind some people visiting the church that my mum died, they knew mum but didn't know she had died. I hate having to tell people what has happened, there's such an awkward moment when they realise what they have said.
At the moment I'm having palpitations which started 2 years ago the very day mum broke her hip, taking driving lessons with a very strict instructor who swears at me all the time, replacing at least 20 lightsbulbs per week exploding in the church and generally overworking as usual.
I'm so tired at the moment, but I always make sure I read your messages.
Its really good to hear from you.Sunday was difficult wasn’t it, I think everyone had some tears, but it was only to be expected I suppose.I'm sorry you're feeling the way you do right now, these sort of days hit everyone on a regular basis don’t they.I've said before on here that there have been days when I didn’t want to live, I just didn’t see the point without my Mum, but you're right, its not the answer.We will work through this and our days will get better, I'm sure they will.
That must be so hard about people asking after your Mum.I had the same thing happen last Thursday, we were out having a meal and a guy asked me.I felt sorry for him because you could see he was shocked and genuinely upset.People just don’t know how to react do they?
Have you had the palpitations checked out?Is it stress?The driving instructor can't be helping you very much, I'd swear at him back.How long have you been having lessons?You sound as though you have a lot going on at the moment, and working too hard.Do you take any time for yourself Liz?I'm intrigued about the light bulbs, that’s an awful lot to blow every week.You know my theory on this Liz, as I've said so many times on here.Your Mum is definitely keeping you busy!!!
Any interest in the house sale yet?I'd like to know how its going.I hope you have a good day Liz, and its good to hear from you, keep in touch and don’t let that driving instructor get to you, give as good as you get.Take care, love jayne xxx
Thanks for your post.How are you and your Mum?I hope your mums blood was ok for her to have the chemo today and it all goes well.Thanks for asking about the back, its about the same, but its my own fault because I still haven’t sorted out an osteopath yet, I really don’t want to go.How is yours now?
It is hard coping with looking after someone you love so much, and having to watch them deal with it all, but just take each day Sharon, don’t try to do too much, its difficult I know, but you have to try to keep going and stay strong for your Mum.(I'm not saying anything that you don’t already know, sorry).You're doing a great job and everyone is here for you when you get those days you feel you can't go on, just let it all out on here.I hope today is a good one for you both, take care Sharon, love jayne xxx
How are you feeling today?I hope you're feeling brighter.How are the boys and your husband?Have you got everything as you like it in your new home?(I'm asking a lot of questions today!).Its maybe not a bad idea for you to see your doctor, she may well suggest that you see a counsellor again, its worth trying anything that is going to help you get through these awful days that you have.Will you be able to just phone the counsellor up, or do you have to start from the beginning and be referred by the doctor?You shouldn’t feel ashamed about your feelings Karen, we really can't help the way we feel.Its not our fault is it.We didn’t ask for any of this to happen and none of us were told how we should deal with it afterwards.
I'm sorry your mums stone wasn’t ready for Sunday, but she will know that you took the lovely flowers for her and the balloon.Hopefully the stone will be ready very soon.I hope you're having a better day Karen, thinking of you all, take care, love jayne xxx
I'm feeling really really low today. Mums chemo has been cancelled again. The hospital phoned her yesturday afternoon to say her platelets are now ok but her white blood count has gone down so she can't have any treatmet. I don't get how her white blood count can go down when she's had no treatment now for 3 weeks it is so annoying. They are going to speak to the oncologist and he may want to bring her appointment forward the nurse said he may look at reducing the dose again. I don't want that to happen they have already reduced it by 20% and she has only three to go, but I guess we have to do what the doctors say. Mum is really fed up with it all she just wants to get the chemo over but everthing seems against us at the moment. I'm just feeling really emotional at the moment when I think of mum the tears just flow, I can't seem to stop myself from crying at the moment it is just so hard. My backs ok now I'm still waiting for scan results hopefully they will come through soon. How is your back when are to going to sort out an appointment with the osteopath. I hope you get it sorted soon. I hope you are having an ok day and that you have a relaxing evening. Have you any plans fro this evening. You take care and be careful with your back lots of love Sharon xxxx
How are you feeling today I hope you are a bit brighter. I'm still very low mums chemo has been cancelled for the second week. Her platelets were down last week they are ok now but her white blood count is too low, so that hasn't helped my mood one bit. You take care of yourself and hang in there lots of love
Im really sorry about your mums chemo, it must be so frustrating for both of you. Its no wonder you feel so low, it's like one step forward and then two steps back again. Have you asked why your mums white blood count is down, please ask someone to explain it for you. My mums went down to next to nothing, but my mum had a different type of cancer, so please ask someone as I dont know if its the same for all cancer types.
I wish there was something I could do to make things easier for you Sharon, these days must seem never ending for you and your mum. And you are still waiting for the scan results yourself, I hope you get these soon and everything is ok.
I'm not sure about the osteopath, still thinking about it. Plans for this evening - I'm doing a special meal because its my husbands 54th birthday today (he wouldnt thank me for telling everyone how old he is!). He didnt want to go out, so I'm cooking.......... again !!
Anyway Sharon, I'm thinking about you and your mum, try not to get too down about things, I know its hard, but the doctors are only doing what they think is the best course of treatment for your mum, so just bear with them and I'm sure they will get it sorted that your mum can have the chemo as soon as she is able. Take care Sharon, lots of love, jayne xxx
Hi Jayne
Thanks for your message. I hope you have a really nice evening. Tell him happy birthday from me. I'm off to see mum this afternoon. It just feels that everything is against mum at the moment and it makes me feel so angry and useless as I can't do anything to help her. I know the doctors are doing the best for her and will let her have the chemo when shes ready but its so annoying she has had to go through so much over the last 4 years and it makes me really really mad. Sorry I just needed to get that of my chest before I explode. Anyway have a really really nice evening with hubby whatare you cooking? You take care lots of love Sharon xxx
hope you are feeling ok and thanks for your lovely message.
have been busy today getting the old house ready for hand over tomorrow wish me luck!! we can do without being billed for anything especially at the moment.
i am phoning the docs in the morning to get an appointment, still having a rough time but its still early days isnt it susan? 6 months isnt long at all is it and i think grieving for both mum and dad at the same time is making things harder isnt it? its hard enough with one parent but both together is just too much, as you yourself will understand. i just want to be able to be a good mum for my boys and at the moment i'm not.
got ww tonight dont think i have done very well have been comfort eating never mind!! theres more to life than worrying about weight isnt there?
i hope you have had a good day, speak soon, lots of love karen xxx
