hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
I wasn't going to post today as I am feeling really low at the moment, but when I read your post I just needed to reply. I can totally relate to your feelings of desperation and wanting to take tablets. I have those thoughts a lot and have given in to them and taken an overdose on too many times than I can remember. PLEASE PLEASE don't do it take it from me its not worth it. Your family loves you so much and wants you to be here no matter how you feel. They would be devastated without you. When I was in hospital after taking tablets the doctor tried to get me to think about how my family would cope if I killed myself at the time I didn't care but now i can see things differently. I still do have those thoughts constantly I think my family would be better off without me. But its no answer. Your mum and dad want to see you but not for a long long time. Just try and think of the good memories and happy times you had with them. People on here will think I'm a right one after what I've just said about taking pills. I've not managed to do it properly all I've done is make myself ill through it, I wouldn't want it to happen to you or anyone on here. I really do hope you will start to feel a bit brighter soon. You take great care of yourself lots of love Sharon xxx
Good to see you again. We have missed you and I am so sorry that you have been feeling so low - even more reason for coming. That is exactly why you should come, that's why we're all here because we're not feeling great and we need a shoulder to cry on or a hand to help us on.
I can only imagine how desperate you must have been feeling and I hope that is getting a little better. Of course, your husband is right you do have so much to live for but sometimes all of that may not seem enough. I knew that my mum had lost the will to live some time before she died and I was so bewildered that she could not see all of us around who loved her so much and just wanted her to get better. She seemed to be not bothered that she would never see her grandchildren grow up and I just could not understand how she could possibly feel that way - how could she "choose" to leave us all. Then she died and since then I can honestly say that I can now understand to some extent how she felt, she had lost her soul mate and love and really nothing any of us could do would ever make that better. The loss that we have can also never be filled and in many ways when the sadness and grieving is so intense there is nothing that can rationalise the way you feel. Of course you know how terrible it would be for everyone else, just as my mum knew, but still it seems the only way.
Life will never be the same Karen and this is why we grieve, there is nothing that we can do except accept it and try to manage as best we can. There is little anyone can say that can ease the pain or even make us feel better sometimes but Karen you do need to be strong and you do need to carry on trying to make the most of your life as it is now. You have had many extra challenges over the last few weeks and I'm sure these have all added to your worries and the timing of it all is awful.
We have come through so much together Karen, ever since you started the posts and we must keep going together so please do keep coming back and talking, as you will see, the feelings you have are not unusual and it may be that here is the once place that people will have some insight into what you are feeling. It's so good that you have been able to tell everyone, you have a lot of insight into where you are and I'm sure you will get trhough these dark days -you have to for your family and your mum and dad.
Need to go to get Jonathan now but I'll be back later, if there is anything I can do, I hope that you would not hesitate to let me know.
Hi Karen-Just a quick line before i have to dash.it's good to see you back on here- and i'm glad that youve been able to tell us all how you're feeling-it means that we can all try our best to help you out.Please don't stay off of the boards because you are feeling low-- that's just the time that you need to come on. I think that deep down you are coping, and you know that you are- but it is really really hard isn't it. i ended up in tears on saturday because my husband shouted at me for shouting at the boys.I just lost it,and said i cant cope anymore,dont you realise what day tomorrow is?? (mothers day) He apologised instantly for shouting at me and on an ordinary day i wouldn't have paid any attention at all but i guess i was feeling lower than even i had believed myself to be.A good cry soon sorted me out but i know that we all know how easy it is to let everything get on top of us, and how we can find it so difficult to just get through some days.I'm not in any way making light of what you are and have been going through and i fully appreciate just how hard it must be for you at the moment.All i can say with complete sincerity,is that the rest of us are ALL here for you , we all understand, and we all want to help in whatever way we can. Keep talking to us Karen, and don't bottle stuff up. Your husband is exactly right in what he says, but i'm sure that you felt he wasn't fully understanding of you and how you are feeling.When i'm down my hubby will remind me that ive got him and the boys and a lot to be thankful for, and he's right, but when he says it it makes me feel as if he feels i've got nothing to feel down about at all-and i have-i miss my mum more than i can ever fully express.He thinks he's being helpful, i think he's being insensitive and having a go at me!!! Thats why you need to talk to everyone- your family, your friends, and us on here because between us all we might be able to make things seem a llittle better for you.No one can put it right, but we can try to make you discover that it is all bearable-and that there is love and support out there for you.Hope i haven't rambled on.I don't know much Karen, but i do honestly care,as does everyone else on here.Take it easy and keep in touch with us all.Lots of love,Marie XXXXXX
I just wanted to thank-you for being so honest and brave with your posting. This is exactly why we all need to come here, to share our feelings, times of despair and to support each other. Rather than anyone think you're a right one - it's just the opposite!
Thanks and I do hope you're feeling better yourself,
I hope you are feeling a little better today? Did you manage to get some rest at all or has it been all of Benji's pals knocking at the door!! What a lovely looking dog he is and so handsome - really does'nt look his age at all!
Now as for your message to Karen, what do you mean Louise, you don't have anyone?? What about your brother and his family, your friends who pop round with their bottles of wine for a chat, your colleagues at work, all your little pupils who probably look up to you so much and last but not least - what about Benji and us!!
You're so right Louise, we do need to talk especially when we are at our lowest ebb, because it's at these times that even though there may be many people around, it's difficult for them to know what it's really like to be in this situation. That's when we need each other here the most!
Now what about your blood pressure, any better? When are you back to the GP? I hope to see you later - perhaps after the match or if you get an early night hopefully tomorrow.
Hi, how is everyone feeling today?I hope you are all feeling brighter than yesterday, today is another day forward.
Karen, I must apologise to you as probably looking back, my post must have seemed a bit harsh.Its not that I don’t care, I certainly do.But I get so angry sometimes that this cruel disease has taken the most important people in the world to us, and the feeling that we have been beaten by it just makes me mad.I feel that if we give up, all we’re doing is just letting it take over our lives, and therefore its beating us yet AGAIN.And I for one, don’t want that to happen, not to any of us.Its already done its worst to us, why should we just let it hurt us even more?We have to stay strong.
Louise, I hope you're feeling better today too.And you ARE a great support to everyone on here, your words of kindness and encouragement have helped me enormously and I'm sure everyone else would say the same.I hope you had a nice relaxing evening and staying warm on these very very cold days.(its bitter cold here).
Sharon, I'm sorry you're still feeling so low, but you're doing a wonderful thing in looking after your Mum, she is very lucky to have you and I'm sure she knows that.Don’t give up mate, for every dark day there will be a brighter day that will overcome it.Your post was very honest, and it really got to me.I just can't imagine the desperation you must have felt to do something like that.I've had days where I didn’t see the point in living, but being a coward would never be able to actually do anything about it.I'm glad you now see things different, you're too strong now to let it take over you.
Susan, your post made me cry, it must have been so hard for you, just wondering why your Mum would choose not to stay and see the family grow up, but how does anyone cope with losing their soul mate, its just so difficult to comprehend.Your Mum and Dad loved each other so much and your Mum just needed to be with him.You must have had all sorts of things going through your mind, a mixture of emotions.I believe your Mum is at peace now with your Dad and they wont be missing out on watching the grandchildren grow up.
Amanda, a busy time for you right now.I hope everything goes ok for tomorrow, it will be a trying day with lots of different feelings.Stay strong, I’ll be thinking about you all.
Marie, I hope you had a good evening with lots of smiles.There were days when I thought I'd never smile or laugh again, but we do don’t we, that’s what our mums would want.
I hope everyone has had a better day, thinking of you all, take care, lots of love jayne xxx
Morning Jayne!!! I thought i'd just reply to you quickly before tackling some housework (boring!) its FREEZING here- most unpleasant. the play last night was strange.neither my friend nor I had any idea what was going on,and at one point she started to fall asleep!!! there was definately a chap snoring a couple of rows behind us!!! it was nice to get out though,and it got a bit of culture into us,it's just a shame that we missed it all really and had no idea what we were sup[posed to have taken away with us from the performance,other than sheer confusion!!!!! anyway,hope you will have a good day.I'm def.Going to log off, or i'll never get off my bottom.Cup of coffee is in order i think,and then i'd best get cracking!!!! see you later,love Marie XXXXXX
Your evening sounded.......... interesting!!! At least it got you out. I was just on the other site and about to post a message, when your message came through as well. I sometimes feel like I'm following you around, it must be so annoying ha ha. It must also look like I'm on here all day, but I'm not, honest. I've only just come back, you put me to shame so I did some housework!! I think another coffee is in order. Hope to see you later, jayne xxx
Marie, I cant stop laughing now!! I went to log out and I saw your post to me on the other site, just as I was replying to you on this one. I feel like your siamese twin!!! Maybe we should practice ESP or something, it might just work, see you later, jayne xxx
thanks for your lovely message and you definately were not harsh at all, i know its awful to have these bad feelings and it makes me feel even worse, i have 3 young boys here that need me, even more than ever now that they havent got there wonderful nan.
how have you been jayne? hope your ok.
its great to speak to you and everyone else here!! thank you so much for your support.
