hi susan and amanda, been having problems posting on the other post so thought i would carry on here and see if it works!! how has your weekend been? susan do things feel a little easier for you this year or not really? i feel so sorry for you having all those people around you last year when i bet all you wanted to do was run didnt you? its awful with christmas coming isnt it i even go shopping online as to not have to go shopping with all the xmas things about. i feel so selfish and bitter at the moment and dont want to, i can hear my mum saying come on karen dont be like that but its hard isnt it. i feel so lonely tonight i just want to talk and have a cuddle and a kiss with my mum, sometimes it really hits even harder doesnt it? speak to you both soon, and hope you are bearing up. we all need each other dont we? my love and thoughts are with you love karen xxxxx
Ive just been on your web site. I just looked at the photo of your lovely mum and dad and benji. What a beautiful photo of them, it says it all doesnt it. They're smiling and happy, this is how they are now Louise. They will always be together and are happy. They will be so proud of what you are doing in their memory, you are a real credit to them. xxx
I’m glad you survived the day too. What a lovely idea to give your dad the plant (I wont attempt to spell it!!). I have one that my dad gave me. It was just a cutting from one of his but it’s taken over a bit now. I’ll have to give it a haircut soon-how’s yours by the way???
Yes, I agree with the girls, you’re never too old. Get on the phone and get some lessons organised or maybe hubby could take you out! Apart from one lesson at the beginning and one at the end, before my test, my dad took me out. I remember him shouting at me one day and couldn’t understand why. I had come out of a junction and was heading along the road on the wrong side-good job I stay in the north of Scotland where there are lots of quiet roads!!
I’m off to bed now and hopefully I won’t see 2:00 am. Have a good week Marie.
Jayne, It would be great to meet up one day, wouldn’t it? You would all get the biggest hug ever from me.((())) I really can’t express my gratitude enough to you all.
Hi All-- so many posts to catch up on!!!, Sorry Louise-i misread one yesterday.I now realise that the plant tipped up, not you tripped over!!! Anyway,at least its now in place,and should recover quite quickly.
Theres hardly any snow this morning,just a very light dusting.Eldest was most annoyed!! he was hoping for 6 inches,and a day off school!!!
The idea of all meeting up would be lovely.I wonder wether or not we could ask macmillan to help facilitate this for us??Maybe they could establish a once a year meet for everyone using their message boards.Quite tricky though,as some would have to travel a very long way,and a summer meet would seem sensible,but i guess that heaps of us would be on holiday. In some ways a bit of annonimity (is that spelt right) can be helpful, because i feel that we can all put down our innermost feelings and its easier because we dont all "know" each other- although we do connect and get to know each other fairly well the longer we continue posting.I have to say that all of you are just brilliant.You are all so caring, considerate,and non-judgemental and that is very comforting.
Amanda- i hope that everything is nicely organised for your dads move on wednesday.I must have missed on an earlier posting- is he moving nearer to you,or further away??
Jayne-- please take care with regards to your back.i know theres not an awful lot that docs can do for back problems but as you say,its beginning to worry you now, so perhaps further investigations might be in order.
Susan- thats a brilliant idea,sponsoring a little girl.Let us know if you do go ahead.If you do this you get regular photos and updates i assume? it would be such a worthwile thing to do and your mum would be really pleased i'm sure.
Sharon- i hope you had a lovely day yesterday with your mum.hopefully she can resume her treatment again very soon.Take care of yourself as well.
Karen- i hope you're doing ok.None of this is easy is it.Looking forward to hearing from you as soon as you get some time.
Finally, Happy birthday to Benji!! Have you got him a doggy cake Louise-or a nice big juicy bone?? Hope you will be having a good day at school.The Easter hols are looming so there's a welcome break to look forward to. Bye to all of you for now. Will hopefully catch up with you all tomorrow.Am off to Local theatre tonight with a friend.We are going to see a comedy- dont know what its called,but this group always put on a first class performance so i'm looking forward to a good evenings entertainment. Lots of love,Marie XXXXX
P.s. hair is beginning to look alittle more normal!! As for the driving-- hmmmm, i shall have to think about it. Years ago i did book a lesson,but forgot to apply for my provisional!!! i felt a right twerp when the instructor turned up because obviously he couldn't take me on the road without my having it. that kind of knocked my confidence as well- he must have thought i was a right twit-- and actually, he wouldn't have been wrong would he!!!!
Anyway-- Shanks's pony has served me quite well all of these years so thats probably how i will continue to travel!! it keeps me fit.!!! XXXXXX
i hope everyone is ok, im so glad yesterday is out of the way for all of us!!
i am sorry i havent been here for a while i have had such a terrible time lately and dont know if im coming or going. i know we all feel really low but i didnt want to keep coming here and saying how bad i feel as its not fair on all of you, as your all going through the same as me so i thought it best i stay away for a while.
thanks for all your messages and your kind words as usual!!
i shouldnt say this but the other day i laid in bed and felt so rough that i thought if i take a box of pills and lay here i wont have to wake up again, my hubby went mad at me, he said you have 3 children here who need you and him and my sister brother and niece and nephew, i know he is right but i feel so low and sometimes it just feels the only way out, and the only way not to have to deal with all of this, yes very selfish i know and my mum and dad wouldnt welcome me with open arms if i did.
it was very hard yesterday wasnt it? i took my flowers, cards and a balloon to the cemetery the balloon didnt last very long in the wind its flown away (hopefully up to mum).
hope your all bearing up ok, speak very soon, lots of love karen xxx
Its so good to have you back. Now then, whats all this about pills!!!!! Dont you dare even think about it again. We wont let you do anything of the sort.
Its been a horrible time for you, but you are a strong person, and you will get through this, its just going to take time. We have to try and work through this together and everyone is here for you, so please please dont do anything bad to yourself. Your mum and dad are wanting you to try to be happy, they wouldnt want you to be having these sort of thoughts. I know its so difficult and the dark days seem to be never ending, but there will be good times again, its not going to stay like this forever, I promise you. Things will get better and you have your lovely husband and sons to help you though the bad times. Think of all the things there are to look forward to. There is so much more for all of us, we have to carry on for our mums and dads sake.
You should never worry about coming here and saying what you feel, thats what we are here for, no matter how much you want to say, you will never make anyone feel down, just say whatever is in your head.
Yesterday was a tough one, but we're through it now, and it can only get better. I know we have all the other birthdays, anniversaries etc, but we will get through all of them, together.
Please talk when you need to, I'm thinking of you Karen and sending you all my love, Jayne xxx
Just seen your message. It’s so good to hear from you again. You’ve been in my thoughts so much.
Karen, I can relate so much to what you say about your thoughts and feelings. You are not alone. Although I haven’t said outright, I’m aware that you people here know that I also have had these bad times and still do. Only Karen, I didn’t just think about it!! If you’re like me, you are just so desperate sometimes for these intense feelings (both emotional and physical) to go away that you’d do anything without thinking or caring about the consequences. Your hubby’s right though, Karen, what about all the people who love and depend on you? I don’t have anyone but your boys really need you, Karen. I think you’re also right about our parents not welcoming us with open arms-I can just imagine what mine would say! Have you thought about counselling again? It may help to talk about these feelings. My Macmillan nurse sussed there was something terribly wrong before I did I think, and she was brilliant, so is my GP but he doesn’t have the time. However the counsellor I see now I can’t really talk to and I do bottle everything up. Sorry for rambling, I’m just concerned about you. We miss our parents so much still and you have had such a lot to deal with in such a short time.
Any word on the job front yet? I hope things take a turn for the better soon. What about Rocky? He’ll be really growing now, is he?
Please take care, Karen and just remember how far you’ve already come along this road. We are all here for each other and as I always say, although I’m of no support what so ever, I’m, always here to “listen”.
Having a bad time myself just now again so I’m off to try and eat something and I’ve decided I’m not working tonight-just chilling.
Sending lots of love and the biggest hug (((()))
Louise
xxx
